Marseygen is around for good now

This was a while ago, but I thought you all would appreciate this retarded act.

I hadn't used my grill for a while and wanted to get it ready for the summer. As I was cleaning the grates in the garden, I thought it would be a good idea to also clean the inside of the oven. After all, there were probably leftovers of the last two burgers I grilled stuck on the sides and I hate cleaning. So I opened the grill and placed it on its side, and started spraying the inside with a pressure washer. It was not a high pressure washer, it's like the kind of washer you use to clean your car, it was powerful enough to clean the sides of a house.

For whatever reason, I did not think that there was propane inside. It's been quite a while since I used it after all. So I sprayed a bit more inside, to make sure there were no remains of the last meal. I'm not sure what happened but I think some of that propane must have mixed with the water, due to the low pressure, and the liquid immediately flashed into a gas, and BANG. It's like someone threw a hand grenade right next to my ear. The sound of the explosion must have been incredible, since I was deaf for a couple of hours and I now have tinnitus, but I didn't notice the explosion, my reflexes kicked in immediately and all I remember was falling on my ass and then the pain. The pain of multiple burns on my arms and legs was not that bad to be fair, but it was quite the sight to see. I didn't notice at first since the pain was only on the lower part of my limbs. It took a while before I had the whole picture, and then I saw it, the biggest burn was on my right hand and it looked like a hand grenade exploded inside. To this day, there's a big scar on the side of my right index finger that makes people think it's cool when I tell them the story, like, see, this thing shaped like a mushroom? That's where the hot coals were.

It was only a few days ago that I finally went to a plastic surgeon to have my hand checked and it looks fine now. It looks like I'm trying to look cool with my hand now. But I'm not sure if I'll ever use a pressure washer around a grill with propane inside it again.

I took my grilling seriously though so despite living in an apartment I ordered a gas grill, which I didn't expect to be that heavy (and it's all metal) and just assumed I could manage to bring up to my balcony.

My plan was to keep it right next to the railing, but it turned out to be too wide and I had to put it against the wall about a foot away from the railing.

Then I had to test whether the flue worked properly. So I lit it and it gave off some carbon monoxide so I went away, waiting for my neighbours to start knocking on my door for me to stop poisoning them. I'm on the third floor though so I figured it would just go away. I went back after half an hour and it was still leaking CO, so I left it on all night thinking that by morning it would be fine. It wasn't.

The carbon monoxide had collected in my small studio, in the corner between the wall and the grill, and found its way through my bookshelf. At first I thought they had simply been singed, but then I noticed a few were soggy and I realised what had happened.

The books were very special to me and I had spent a lot of time collecting them. They were mostly first editions, including several original Bloomsbury editions of the work of Virginia Woolf, first editions of Camus, Nabokov, Mishima, etc. I also had a couple of books annotated and signed by famous writers, such as an advanced readers copy of Umberto Eco's The Prague Cemetery with a note from him dedicating it to a friend, and a signed first edition of The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith. But all were lost.

In the morning I had to call my landlady, as she had a key to my apartment. She came over and couldn't smell anything. I explained what had happened and she was very nice and apologetic about it, and luckily she was able to get the lock repaired on a weekend. While waiting for the landlord I went outside to get some fresh air and when I came back I had a call from an ambulance. I had to explain that there is no covid patient here and only a little carbon monoxide.

I'm waiting now for the repairmen to come and fix the door, as well as the people who will remove the gas smell,

I was trying to clean it up a bit because it had been sitting for weeks but I thought that a good strong blast of the hose would solve the problem.

However I didn't realize how much pressure the washer had which made the pressure washer's lance get stuck in the valve, letting out the entire 20-something lb tank in under a minute.

Now you might think I'm stupid but I'm actually lucky to be alive because I have a huge tank, which means I got an abnormally large dose of propane into my bloodstream which, after a trip to the A&E for observation, the doctor said might've killed me if I didn't get any help ASAP.

It turned out that I didn't suffer any major injuries, but I will lose two of my fingers because they were most impacted and too badly damaged to repair. 

Luckily for me, I was able to get an early appointment with a specialist hand surgeon who was able to take the tips off and then sew them up in such a way that there's some chance I can keep them. 

As of now, I'm still in hospital (I'm posting from my phone) but I should be out in few days, which is a good thing because not only will I get to see my beloved wife but also that I won't have to look at this retarded bitch who's sitting next to me all day screaming on the phone because her mum won't reply to her texts :marseyeyeroll:

[Comments]

Marsey +63 / -0
You should sue the company that made the washer for giving you a tool powerful enough to cause a lethal amount of propane to enter your body.

Also fuck your fingers, but you should still sue

  box +24 / -0
  > Also fuck your fingers
  It is a blessing. Imagine the horror of living with phantom limb syndrome

    xirabolt +5 / -0
    I already experience my left calf cramping and having to stop walking from time to time.  I can't imagine anything worse than phantom finger pain

      box +4 / -0
      What? Like phantom limb syndrome but for real

        xirabolt +4 / -0
        Yep. My left calf wants to cramp up every 10 minutes or so.  My doc says it's from neuropathy but all I can figure is some peripheral nerve was damaged during that