Seeking mentorship/ advice.

A little about me. I am a neurodivergent, gender fluid switch. What that means to me is I either present myself as fem or masc per certain stimuli in my environment.

I was one of those heavy Christian up bringing individuals where I was taught to save myself for marriage. I did. I saved myself till I was engaged with a rebel bi switch woman who also had a similar upbringing but Is a witch. Yes ,I witchy goth girls frick are my type same with alternative girls and big bubbly kind fun personality. We broke up a little over a month ago.

I gave everything I had to the relationship, I learned so much about myself and why it's important to not wait. I got a lot of trauma from it. I'm processing it in therapy.

I wanted a partner, instead I got a responsibility and a liability. Sexually I didn't get what I needed from the relationship. when I am in my dominant space I am a pleasure Dom, I want to completely ruin my submissive, no other man. Could ever compare to me. I would rail them till they passed out from orgasming. I got them into an average of 20 or 50 a session. My top score was 97. I enjoyed seeing them spasm and go peepee dumb. I would make so many of their spicey book fantasies a reality. However even though I was turned on, or session would go on for 2-4 hours. Most of the time I would not finish or orgasm. They would make me feel guilty about it. I couldn't figure it out as I honestly didn't get any penial pleasure it was mostly watching them fall.

It has me questioning my sexuality and my performance and my worth as an individual. I soon learned it has to do with a combination of my anxiety and the lack of sensory feelings of my peepee.

I thought maybe it was from being in control for a while. I hadn't had a sub experience since our first month together. I asked for it to try every kink under the sun. But they'd just ignore me. So I left because my needs were not met and I didn't feel accepted.

Before the relationship, I listened and watched a lot of mind control hypno videos including sissy hypno. I was obsessed, it honestly cures my anxiety and depression. I am relistenening to it now. It makes me so happy. Part of me thinks the next step for me is to find a tist partner after I do a bit more discovery on my own. That's advice I'd like on how to find one that is worthy .

The other part of my self discovery is to explore my submissive side more. I personally do not have any attraction to the male form. However t girls, and powerful woman. Lay it on me so hotttt.

Per the issue with my peepee. I want to explore anal play along with my female identity. I was talking with a trans fem. The other day, whom I provided more detail with . How my feelings and thoughts aligned with hers pre transition. Maybe that's something I should explore. Especially since I've always wanted breasts as a teen on my body. I'm not sure if I am attracted to t girls because of how sexy they are or if it's because I admire them and want to be them. Again a lot of self discovery. I would appreciate any tips or ideas to help with the discovery or turn me on to new kinks to help me become more.

I purchased my first fem outfit last night should be here any day. I'm super excited. I always dreamed of crossdressing and wanting to be teased or have w remote vibrator on Me in public. The thought of being caught is riviting. If I was with my partner having public s*x. Has always been a fantasy of mine.

I listed to advice from one of the other posts on this subreddit about fingering and massaging the outside. Rather then stick my fingers in. I am so tight. But massaging the outside while stroking gave me an intense orgasm that was way faster then 4 hours. Like 20 minutes. No material though because I am having trouble reaching. The next piece of advice I'd want is how do you practice positions, my knees ache or I can't hold that long. Any tips or work outs you'd recommend?

After that experience last night I had all these naughty dreams about getting stuffed. I'm curious what it feels like to get filled. Feel it leak out of you as you continue with your day.

Main tips I'm seeking:

1 Finding a hypnotist t girl or domme.

2 Tips on anal play.

3 Tips on makeup

4 Tips on clothing choices

5 Tips on positioning, diet and work outs.

6 Tips on other kinks I should try.

7 Tips on further femization.