Meet our crew!
William Oefelein -- worst part about this story is that he's not even that hot.
Lisa Nowak -- this is here in her prime
Colleen Shipman, the new girl
So this girl named Lisa Nowak was a very accomplished NASA astronaut, had been to space and everything, and had a nice husband with three kids. But one fateful week at work (NASA) during a survival exercise in the wilderness, Lisa became very, VERY close with another man, William Oefelein, on her trip and they started having an affair. But they were also both high-ranking naval officers at the time (in addition to NASA astronauts), and the Navy prohibits its members from having extramarital affairs. They had one anyways, and eventually the spouses of Lisa and Bill found out what happened and they both got divorced. And then a short while after that, Bill decides he doesn't even like Lisa anymore and breaks up with her 
Now she realizes she ruined her marriage for nothing. 
Bill and Lisa had talked, for some reason Bill thought that he and Lisa were good and that Lisa wasn't about to go psycho (he was wrong).
So now Lisa is fuming, she still had a key to Bill's apartment so while Bill is in space, she lets herself in and snoops through his computer. To her horror, she finds racy 
slutty emails from Colleen on Bill's computer! Here are some of the emails that I could find online, courtesy of the NY Post. More are probably available if you submit a request for to the Orange Osceola State Attorney's office, but I dont feel like doing that.
But honestly, love, I want you to totally and thoroughly enjoy your hero's homecoming
Bill sent Colleen a pic of something in space and she couldn't see shit
- But the thought of you without any clothes is pretty nice βsigh.'
In response to the fact that you can't see shit:
I imagine this doesn't surprise you anymore, this idiot you decided to like. You must really have me around your finger that I can't even function without you here and with you here I am slightly smarter than a slug.
I don't know. Maybe I should be a road kill scraper-upper. That shouldn't be too hard. I can scrape things up that don't move on the road like armadillos, after they've been discombobulated by sexy, hot bodies. Just a thought. I need help. (Author's note: what the actual frick?)
...
Lots of love coming your way . . . and kisses and a great big giant hug with my legs around you.
I love you and I am head-over-heels IN love with you.
NY post says:
Anyways, Lisa sees this shit and decides she's going to go cap that b-word, she drives 900 miles and intercepts her at Orlando airport. She pretends to be homeress or something 
and then pepper sprays her. She also had hammers and a loaded bb gun (that looked like a real gun) and other shit in her bag w her, so she was probably gonna try to kill her.
Anyways here's her mugshot
And here's her in court
She was living the dream. She was a NASA astronaut, she had a husband with 3 kids. Then she got hung up over some dude who dumped her and now she's 
divorced and convicted of burglary and shit (got off w/ attempted murder). So the lesson here is DONT TRY TO MURDER YOUR EX'S NEW GF HOLY SHIT appreciate what you have, and don't think you could get someone else. The grass is always greener!
The worst part about this whole thing is that this guy isn't even that hot.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Fun fact: no company has ever been able to produce an AI which can consistently distinguish between monkeys and black people. Self-driving cars are here, so are universal voice translators, self-aiming guns, and pocket-computers which can recognize every single product in a live video. But distinguishing between monkeys and black people is as difficult as solving a millenium prize problem, teams of PHD computer scientists will be working on it for decades before they get a solution which works well enough to be media-outrage-proof.
When someone finally finds the solution, they won't be make headlines, but they'll be happy knowing they solved the AI problem of the century. They'll tell normies that they just fiddle around with facial recognition algorithms all day, but to people in the know, he'll be known as "Tom, the absolute genius who spent 26 years teaching google images how to tell blacks apart from apes".
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context