EFFORTPOST That one time a NASA Astronaut tried to MURDER her astronaut ex's new gf (SAUCY LEAKED DMs INCLUDED)

Meet our crew!

William Oefelein -- worst part about this story is that he's not even that hot.

Lisa Nowak -- this is here in her prime

Colleen Shipman, the new girl

So this girl named Lisa Nowak was a very accomplished NASA astronaut, had been to space and everything, and had a nice husband with three kids. But one fateful week at work (NASA) during a survival exercise in the wilderness, Lisa became very, VERY close with another man, William Oefelein, on her trip and they started having an affair. But they were also both high-ranking naval officers at the time (in addition to NASA astronauts), and the Navy prohibits its members from having extramarital affairs. They had one anyways, and eventually the spouses of Lisa and Bill found out what happened and they both got divorced. And then a short while after that, Bill decides he doesn't even like Lisa anymore and breaks up with her Now she realizes she ruined her marriage for nothing. Bill and Lisa had talked, for some reason Bill thought that he and Lisa were good and that Lisa wasn't about to go psycho (he was wrong).

So now Lisa is fuming, she still had a key to Bill's apartment so while Bill is in space, she lets herself in and snoops through his computer. To her horror, she finds racy slutty emails from Colleen on Bill's computer! Here are some of the emails that I could find online, courtesy of the NY Post. More are probably available if you submit a request for to the Orange Osceola State Attorney's office, but I dont feel like doing that.

First urge will be to rip your clothes off. Throw you on the ground and love the heck out of you

But honestly, love, I want you to totally and thoroughly enjoy your hero's homecoming

Bill sent Colleen a pic of something in space and she couldn't see shit

I don't see the charm though! pant, pant. It's like those erotic hidden picture games that they have at the bar . . . only you're fully clothed in the picture

• • • But the thought of you without any clothes is pretty nice ‘sigh.'

In response to the fact that you can't see shit:

I'm a boob. Apparently I can be a moron even when you are not physically with me

I imagine this doesn't surprise you anymore, this idiot you decided to like. You must really have me around your finger that I can't even function without you here and with you here I am slightly smarter than a slug.

I don't know. Maybe I should be a road kill scraper-upper. That shouldn't be too hard. I can scrape things up that don't move on the road like armadillos, after they've been discombobulated by sexy, hot bodies. Just a thought. I need help. (Author's note: what the actual frick?)

...

Will have to control myself when I see you. First urge will be to rip your clothes off, throw you on the ground and love the heck out of you.

Lots of love coming your way . . . and kisses and a great big giant hug with my legs around you.

I love you and I am head-over-heels IN love with you.

NY post says:

>Police statements, along with e-mails between Oefelein and Shipman, confirm for the first time that Oefelein had a romantic relationship with Nowak. It lasted two or three years before he broke it off to date Shipman late last year.

>Oefelein has said he considered Nowak to be one of his best friends at NASA.

Anyways, Lisa sees this shit and decides she's going to go cap that b-word, she drives 900 miles and intercepts her at Orlando airport. She pretends to be homeress or something and then pepper sprays her. She also had hammers and a loaded bb gun (that looked like a real gun) and other shit in her bag w her, so she was probably gonna try to kill her.

Anyways here's her mugshot

And here's her in court

She was living the dream. She was a NASA astronaut, she had a husband with 3 kids. Then she got hung up over some dude who dumped her and now she's divorced and convicted of burglary and shit (got off w/ attempted murder). So the lesson here is DONT TRY TO MURDER YOUR EX'S NEW GF HOLY SHIT appreciate what you have, and don't think you could get someone else. The grass is always greener!

The worst part about this whole thing is that this guy isn't even that hot.