The word "Benzo" is used quite loosely, but different benzos can have considerably varying effects. In this thread, I'll try to explain them. It's a quick one and I don't give too much of a shit about quality. Normally I'd give an introduction on what benzos are along with a quick discussion concerning GABA receptors, but today is not that type of day. I currently have at least one of each benzo I'm about to mention, not necessarily from the same source but most are from one source. I've never bought them off the streets, all prescribed legally. My psychiatrist hands out benzo prescriptions all the time. He diagnosed me bipolar with ADHD and OCD.

On that note, I'd like to mention that I threw away my razors, but that's only heightened my intrusive thoughts of cutting myself. When I had the choice, there was some comfort in that. Now with no razors available, cutting myself is suddenly all I want to do. I may purchase new ones, get the slicing over and done with, then put them away.

Let's begin.

1. Midazolam

Personally, this is my favorite benzo. Its effects are pretty close to what people imagine when they think of benzos but this is a little different. Let's start with the basics, bucko. It'll put your butt to sleep. Maybe you can stay awake a bit at a low dose (15mg) but at 30mg your butt is grass in about twenty minutes or less.

When it hits you will not be able to walk. I repeat - your ability to walk will be disabled. You will fall everywhere, worse than a crippled man whose cane has been stolen. Whatever you're imagining, it's worse. Worse than a drunken teen who can't walk straight. This is more like swaying until your head hits the wall hard. During this time, you will feel euphoric. Enjoy it. I've found it's not really fun to listen to music or eat. Instead, have a pen and paper ready or a document open on your PC and try to record your thoughts. Half of it is nonsense, but you'll be surprised at the kinds of things that will surface - your kinks, past trauma, even your favorite video game lol.

Within the following ten minutes, your capacity to have memories will completely vanish. You will continue to do things, perhaps prepare a meal for yourself, send an unintelligible text to your mom, or put the dishes in the washing machine. It really depends on whether an angel or goblin is within you that day. The goblin will make you do foolish things (often messy) while the angel will make you do ordinary everyday things, but for no reason.

Then it's lights out. Don't worry, you will sleep in your bed. Even if you have to crawl, your Midazolam brain will still know where your bed is and you will tuck yourself in. I took 30mg last night. I'm not a druggie, my psychologist literally called me and told me to (her father is a psychiatrist so she sometimes helps me with med doses even though she technically shouldn't). I haven't been sleeping well because of life anxieties (losing my job) and because I'm choosing not to at times (like literally just sleeping for an hour and then getting back to some freelance work I've found. I just don't want to sleep). She's afraid it's going to trigger mania so she wants me to get a minimum of 6 hours. Not happening.

I made food for myself, took it upstairs and placed it next to my PC, then went to bed. I don't remember anything else. I only had a few hours of sleep because I woke up at midnight and have been up since then. I felt a sense of warmness and I knew I was still high as frick. I got out of bed, tried to walk, and failed. I wanted to take the tray of food downstairs but even with slow steps I fricked up and dropped it, leaving a mess I had to mop up. I don't want to sleep tonight so I won't be taking another double dose. Just 15mg which affects my gait but doesn't knock me out. Maybe I won't take one at all. Frick sleep.

2. Alprazolam

Commonly known as Xanax. This is what most people mean when they say the word "benzo". When I was in the psychiatric ward, it was routine for everyone to get a slow-release dose in the morning to lower anxiety. It gives you this calm sense of "everything is going to be alright", like the Bob Marley song lol.

Yeah, it puts you in a good mood, but it is sedating. Furthermore, at least personally, it doesn't frick with your memory too much, although you may black out if you mix it with alcohol. Even my psychologist said she likes Xanax and she was disappointed when she was weaned off it lol

It is also the benzo that is most like alcohol. It disorients you a bit, but it also takes away your filter, making you a little braver and less anxious. However, like alcohol, it fricks with your ability to act rationally. Consequently, when you see videos of people acting crazy at the airport or in a convenience store, it's most probably Xanax to blame. If you go to a doctor and complain about anxiety, this is what they'll give you.

In the black market, it is sold as a party drug. I wrote a story here about using Xanax to be brave enough to go to a nightclub.

https://rdrama.net/h/personal/post/233100/trying-to-be-normal-diaries-i

I like Xanax but it doesn't take first place mostly because of how fast tolerance develops. You can quickly make popping 10 xannies a normal thing that just puts you in that heavenly zone. I'd argue it's the most dangerous benzo on this list for this reason.

3. Clobazam

In last place comes the shittiest benzo of all - Clobazam. This is the one I typically mix with Ambien if I want a good time (and a good sleep). I'll get an hour of euphoria followed by god knows how long of a blackout before I wake up the next day. It switches off your memory completely and at high doses you actually feel sick to your stomach. I'd be disappointed if this was prescribed to me, but I wouldn't complain. Currently, my prescriptions only include Xanax (slow release) and Dormicum (Midazolam). That reminds me, I need to try scraping the film off a Xanax to check if it'll hit more quickly and strike harder. I have to do personal testing because holy shit Google has become a fricking "safe zone" that makes it impossible to research forms of degeneracy. Try learning more about a drug or anything suicide-related and all you get are these "we're here to help you" sites. Frick off and just tell me the right way to do the drug if you actually want to keep me safe. Fricking Reddit's become my new search engine of choice. At least you get actual answers to shit like this.

Bonus

Zolpidem

Might as well give Ambien a mention even though it's not a benzo. I don't have much to say except they make you drowsy as frick and want to sleep, but it won't force you into bed. You can enjoy an ambien night, though you'll forget the tail end of it. I think ambien is the one pill that makes you do the stupidest things when you black out like text your dad nonsense or make shitposts here. The worst thing I did was send a work email that was due 3 times in a row. I've also posted nonsense in Groomercord channels lol. I didn't remember doing these things and only found I did them when I woke up.

The recreational value is pretty low. I now realize the few Ambiens I have left are the only ones I have because I don't go to that doctor anymore. So about 10 pills. It takes two pills to get to that ambien drowsiness that I guess feels kinda good if you genuinely can't sleep or are a stressed-out person. Personally, I think that if you're using them for off-label reasons, I think they're only good for mixing with a benzo.

Thanks for reading, if you did. If you have insults, please don't post them. Just block me instead.