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EFFORTPOST [Investigative Journ*lism] The Coomer Sutra; or, a Foray into Indian Gooning

https://old.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1bk4ka1/removed_by_reddit/

								

								

This thread caught my attention recently:

Constantly fapping on my aunt

I (25M) is lusting for my aunt (50F). I am constantly fapping on her whenever I am extremely hard. Cant help myself out of it whenever I go to her place. I was about to ask her out for it but then controlled somehow and used the bathroom to fap.

Edit : Thanks for judging me well in the comments guys. But I'd really appreciate it if your words help me to get rid of this situation.

OP is Indian, no surprise there. The English is a dead giveaway, but anyone with enough colonial blood in them will notice that this precise blend of diseased sexuality and genuine r-sluration combined with willful ignorance of the way reality works could only come out of the subcontinent. The entirety of Hindoo culture over however many centuries has culminated in a society whose only success is producing mass amounts of exactly this kind of vile scrote. /r/nofap is a magnet for these kinds of people, being that you by definition need to have been a porn addict at some point in order to quit porn, and that the Hindoo's conservative values stops him from taking up the libertine worldview of, say, an autogynephile, and embracing his sexual pathology as a part of daily life.

The result of this is that every comment that isn't a Goku reaction gif is telling OP that none of this is his fault. After all, how can he be expected to control his urges or take any responsibility for his actions whatsoever after being introduced to the destructive mind virus that is pornography?

I don't wanna be one of those mfs who gonna make fun of you and judge, porn addiction can really frick you up. I advise you seek professional help dude, I hope the best for ya.

I agree with you. It's not right to make fun of OP, & while he does have a problem there's a lot of us who've gotten into messed up stuff because of porn. I think looking at femdom has warped my view of women.

When i was a teenager, i just kept this shit to myself.

When I was a teenager, I didn't have thoughts like these. Huh, weird!

Anyway, the real interesting thing about this post is that it introduced me to the Bizarro alternate universe of Indian gooners. The first thing on OP's profile that caught my attention was him comenting "πŸ†" under a post titled "Drop a πŸ† if your peepee is longer than 4 inches πŸ‘€πŸ’¦" on a subreddit called /r/BangaloreGW. I found this really funny. My intuition is that if I was a Western pornstar making a post like this, I'd make the cutoff 6 inches: common enough to get loads of comments to boost engagement, but just big enough for people to feel a need to comment. For Bangaloreans, though, the cutoff is 2 inches smaller, and I think I know the reason. It's not just that they have smaller peepees, but also because they can't tell they're being held to deliberately low standards. So instead of choosing just barely above the average, like in my previous example, this woman picks just barely below the average. Genius!

This insight into the Indian mind is all well and good, but the fun really starts when you get to /r/ShagOnHotties, one of OP's absolute favorite subs. I opened this because of the hilariously r-slurred name, expecting that "shagon" was actually just a Hindi TV network or something, but I was wrong. The sidebar describes it as "A place where people can have fun time with each other while shagging on hotties" and the titles are fricking amazing. Here are the top three posts of all time:

Spreading legs wide with camera fully focused on her c*nt, Only a Shameless Gutterpig like Moroccan Hooker Nora Fatehi can do it. Besharam Mulli Chinaal

Kriti Kutti Sanon shifting her nipples sidewards and erecting it upright in no time just by the touch of a man. Just imagine how slutty she will be when no one is around her or when she is surrounded by Bulls. Nymphomaniac C*nt

Shraddha Kapoor red bikini show in HD πŸ₯΅ see this and jerk hard guys ✊ coz shraddha really deserves our thick white ropes of c*m πŸ’¦ Ahhh saali randi ne pagal kar diya iss movie ke baad 🀩 saala thethre Mai jaake dekhi aur waha tak muth mari maine 😩 kitni maal hai yeh Ind version of lana rhoades

:#marseyxd: :#marseyxd: :#marseyxd:

What the frick is wrong with Indians?!?! Gooning is a very high-concept, almost postmodern fetish (masturbating to the idea of masturbating to the idea of masturbating, etc.), so you'd expect Indians to have to make some compromises when embracing it, but this is just so bizzare. It's so... childish? And their tenuous grasp on English vulgarity makes it even better. A "shameless gutterpig"??? How the frick do you come up with this stuff. It reminds me of that video of Lou Reed reading porn ads, except somehow even worse.

Here's another post, which was the first one I saw when I opened the front page:

Bong Raands have the Phattest Butt out there in the entire country, Which is aptly shown by this Cumrag of a Whore Tridha who shamelessly teasing men around her to gape her butthole with multiple peepees cumming inside her in Beach itself.

What a fricking beautifully constructed sentence. Truly Joycean.

And here are two more, which I think, more than anything else I've linked, sum up the Indian male consciousness. If there's one thing I want you to get out of this post, it can be gathered in whole from what I'm about to show you:

Moroccan Raand Nora fatehi jiggling her Phat Butt which can take multiple BBCs, giving a look back on who is staring that fat butt and recording her Butt jiggle. Her erect Nipples are the Perfect Indication of a Rough Gangbang in the vanity van moments before she comes out whoring her Meaty Butt

Priyanka is representing indian desi brown girls in true sense infront of whole world. When you don't get appreciation in your country, just spread that brown kitty infront of white peepees. Still can't forget, how she brainwashed half of india to wear 'bra' instead of 'blouse' with saree in desi girl

And from comments on that second one:

she is the icon for all the brown whores spreading their legs for white peepees

I think these posts speak for themselves, but one thing I will add is that when searching the word "white" on /r/ShagOnHotties I got dozens of posts describing women as "milky white c*nts" and similar epiphets. Apparently being "milky white" is a very sought after trait amongst Indians. Also, the nofap guy whose porn habits I've been stalking tries to apply to jobs using his porn Reddit account. Well done, India, you manage to outdo yourself every time.

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Why do indians have such a hard time picking up on other cultures social norms.

I love looking at different defense contractors LinkedIn posts just for the Indian comments. Things as simple as "give job pls sir" to as advanced as "I electrician Iraq 10 years"

Nobody has gotten a job that way, but they keep commenting it.

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Theyre batshit insane

>be me

>its my bros wedding

>partying with his bros

>he has an indian friend invited

>motherlover begins talking to us, out of nowhere, about the genitals and reproductive practices of lions

>goes into full details of lion peepee for several minutes

>sees absolutely nothing wrong with this subject matter being sprung up out of nowhere

>concludes his lion peepee speech

>proceeds to ask for phone numbers to network

The indian scrote menace is truly insane

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He's just your average furman (read: neurodivergent)

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ask for phone numbers to network

Something irks me about the word 'network'.

Social interations are no longer about making friends and sharing ideas. It's about "expanding your business persona" and "contacting B2B partners"

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and everyone at meetups knows this. One issue is most people don't care about the work they do, especially the careermaxxing guys who you can easily clock. You have to find the small group of guys who actually want friends and are somewhat interested in their work.

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:george:

:gigachad2talking:

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Sars if you redeem it I vill lose my job

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https://i.rdrama.net/images/17111343550817423.webp

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Observing Indians online is my favorite past time for me at this point. They seem to be oblivious how weird they can be and lack social skills in general.

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