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Ill be blunt. Shes not the one. Calling your vagina a “gaping wound” is wildly disrespectful. You have even noticed now how that has damaged your own perception of your body and comfortability that you have with and in your own body. That is the ultimate red flag imo. Based on what i get from your post it sounds like she doesnt really care how her words make you feel.

Your bedroom is gonna be dead anyway, it doesn't matter with your frigid lesbo wife thinks about your vag


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