Next level cope from side piece about how great being the other woman is

“They never choose the OW.”

1. They already chose us. As in they literally chose a relationship with us and would have continued in that relationship for an unforeseeable future. There are women here who were with their MM for 8 years etc. That's a whole butt relationship ma'am.

1. They generally aren't choosing their wife over the OW. They're choosing their life over the OW (wife + kids + family + history + employment + social circle + status etc…). It isn't surprising.

1. Choosing said life and its obligations over a new life with the OW doesn't negate their love for us or the significance of the relationship we shared. In most cases it would actually be pretty shocking if they did choose the OW. Let's be real.

1. Many married partners would prefer to keep a secondary relationship if they weren't shamed into upholding vows/institutions they happily and repeatedly disregarded. Over and over again. Just like many OW would comfortably continue in a secondary relationship with them and not be “chosen”. Because not every woman wants or needs to be a man's “everything”. See: ‘polyamory', ‘non-monogamy', etc.

1. Not being “chosen” following Dday does not mean they didn't experience greater joy or fulfillment with the OW.

I don't say this to be redundant: no one can convince me this man didn't love me or that the love we discovered wasn't as profound as it was or that he wasn't genuinely unhappy, deeply unfulfilled, fallen out of love and hopeless in his relationship. He truly saw himself fulfilled in a life with me but dday arrived and he's with his SO and I have been erased like it never happened.

I'm sure he saw the “relationship” as something more than

Point being even an MM as unfulfilled as he was and as desperately in love with his OW as he was shut things down to be faithful to his SO. Because this is not a “competition” the OW can really win. We didn't get there first. They didn't make a commitment to us or promise themselves to us for life.

I'm not saying MMs don't love their wives or actually want to reconcile their marriage. They wouldn't reconcile if they saw no value in doing so.

But everybody and their mama wants to come for the OW - seemingly more than they do the MM who betrayed their spouse. You can shame us, devalue and dehumanize us, share our posts and ridicule us to make yourself feel superior and try to counteract your insecurities but we aren't the cause of your troubled institution - we are just a symptom. There are over 154k members in the adultery subreddit for Christ sakes.

It's become evident that the people (predominantly women) who take particular pleasure in hating the OW are motivated by underlying/internalized misogyny which is why a sub called adultery hate has made us its exclusive target.

You're a

It's also the reason the title of the “OW” or “mistress” exists without a counterpart to begin with. The vast majority of adultery hate is reserved for the OW and why? Because on some level you accept that a man engages in affairs because he is a man, and men hold the power. But a woman who engages with that man is a lesser woman: she's dirty she's vile she's unpure she's scandalous. She's deluded. She's a man's toy. She's desperate she can't find a man to choose her etc etc.

Whatever hun

In reality the OW is a symptom of a failing/dishonest/dying/dead marriage and a threat to an arguably unrealistic institution more generally. Adultery will never stop and married men will always be the perpetrator of betraying their union but you will disproportionately hate us because misogyny convinces you to forgive men and because the alternative is admitting those vows didn't mean shit at the end of the day.

We're not these inherently scandalous women who aspire to wreck the homes of unsuspecting wives everywhere. We're regular women - worthy women -who have formed a connection with men who authentically love and/or desire us. Men who for whatever reason were not satisfied in their partnership and it is that dissatisfaction or lack of fulfillment that led them to stray - not the OW. That is the threat to your sacred union. It is internal not external.

“They never choose the OW” but it's the very fact that they chose us that keeps you stalking this subreddit each and every day. You can call us “low hanging fruit” but the man you chose to marry was desperate to gobble us up. Nom nom nom.