with a take that leaves me confused

AITAH for telling my husband that I'd rather have divorce than go back to being monogamous even if I want my next relationship to be monogamous

My husband and I, both mid 40's have been together for 25 years. I love him very much and our lives are intertwined. Economy, family, friends so when he told me that he still loved me but wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore (I see you as my best friend and companion) I understood where he was coming from. He didn't want to lose me but he wasn't attracted to me.

We have our house and an apartment in the city. So we agreed to open the marriage and we had some set of rules like no relationships and no fricking in my marital home. No dates, spending money on the women or taking them for vacations etc. all relationshipy things are just between us and he can meet people for casual s*x. Same for me (although it is different since men do take me to dinners and hotels but I don't pay).

This has been going on for a year and I had very difficult time in the beginning and I cried all night when I knew he was in the apartment with someone else. My best friend recommended that I download tinder and at first only talking to new people did it. With time I realized how there are so many other people out there and I started to feel attracted to men other than my husband(I didn't realize I could be turned on without love) and after some months, I started to meet guys. I slept with my first 2 months ago and we still see each other sometimes. And I have met two more.

My husband started wanting me more since he started sleeping with his gf. I don't know how to explain because logically it should have been the opposite shouldn't it (can someone explain why?) but before we opened the marriage he wanted s*x maybe a handful times a year and it increased the more he met other women and now we have s*x regularly. Like once a week.

Yesterday we were having a lazy morning in bed with Netflix and he said that he didn't want this anymore and that we should close the marriage again because we have great s*x now and he loves me and thinks that I am the sexiest and most beautiful woman he knew.

I had a panic episode tbh because I don't think he has come to a realization or anything. I feel that he likes me and wants me now because of the open marriage and not in spite of it. If we close it he will go back to being unfulfilled. I have done much research about open marriage and the goal of it is to strengthen the existing relationship and this happened to us. I said no. He was very unhappy but I said that we can divorce if this didn't work for him anymore because I have done everything in my power to save our marriage and I feel that I succeeded. I don't want to go back to when we almost lost each other.

He asked me if we got divorced and I started dating, would it be open/poly relationship? I said no. I would want a monogamous relationship so he said that I was an ah who did want to give him the same decency as my hypothetical future partner

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Idk if this is a !foidmoment or !moidmoment but I'm leaning moidmoment since he started the whole thing

Anyways Redditors are tired off hearing these failing relationships

Wow, two people that are so far not on the same page that they are in different books. This is likely heading to divorce anyways.

Never heard of a good thing from "opening a marriage/relationship" that started monogamous. Usually it's just prolonging its death. This sounds like OPs husband wanted to have someone else, but got jealous when his wife actually starting seeing someone else.

Lol, he was cheating on her and wanted his cake at home and his side-piece at the apartment.

Yeah, spending the first night you know your partner is out with someone else sobbing in bed is not the kind of mental state you should be in for an open relationship to work, what the heck. Opening a formerly closed relationship rarely works, and in the exceedingly rare case that it does, it's because the relationship was in a good place to start with, and not lacking in anything. OP's relationship was lacking, and so her husband sought fulfillment elsewhere - it was never going to work when that's how they started out.

Totally agree, it was rough at first. But sometimes rocky starts can still lead to positive changes. They found a way to make it work and reignite their connection. Every relationship is different, and this setup seems to be what saved theirs. 🤔

Ain't no way?

>nepo baby that self doxxes on their reddit profile

Yep the exact kind of person to say some dumbass shit lmao

Y'all are both AHs. He asked for this, and is an AH. In certain respects, his wounds are self-inflicted. You refuse to admit you love the new attention and now falsely proclaim the only way to keep him interested in you (with a spark) is for you to frick other men. You're an AH too. What a mess.

Have you guys tried marriage counseling? Sounds like you don't want to keep the open marriage because you actually like being able to sleep with other men, you just like being wanted and that it's caused your husband to want you again. You can probably still have that with your husband, in a monogamous marriage if you guys put the effort you've been putting in dates into each other. If you really don't want to close the marriage though I think that's understandable. He's the one who asked for it and you reluctantly agreed, despite the initial pain it caused you. Now that you're happy with the arrangement it's not fair of him to be angry you don't want to go back. These are the consequences of his actions.

Sis this is well past counseling

So you can go on dates, but he cant? YTA 100%

I'm glad he figured out the issue so quickly lmao

Anyways there are literally thousands more comments to laugh at in the thread