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Groped my fatso desk-buddy's jiggly belly twice this past month. One time said "You look good, buddy!" too. Bought him lunch twice, both times I ordered a large pizza and 67 fl oz Coke.
I thought I'd insult him if I bought a smaller portion and he was still hungry afterwards. 
HR said I have to converse with them one-on-one and discuss this behavior. At 9AM. On zoom.
Inshallah GOD finally heard my prayers 
The only slight downside is I won't get neetbux because of "Termination with Cause"
Tl;dr - Getting shitcanned bozos.
!dramatards !burgers !r-slurs Will update at 10AM.
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This is why small
business 
is the best
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After ten years of normal career jobs, I had my first freelance gig, back when being a contractor was virtually the same thing as being a regular employee except you had to fly across the country every monday morning to get to work. I remember the company I was working for calling an all hands meeting and suddenly realizing that I wasn't part of whatever stupid crap they were going to talk at everyone about and I could just keep working at my desk while everyone else was miserable. I've never had to talk to HR ever since.
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Every 'mandatory' meeting I just send an invoice with double hourly rate. Paying for the time and inconvenience for having to work longer to get it done. Only meetings that I agree are in the scope of my job are billed normally.
It's amazing what you can write into your contracts and what even large corpos will happily sign.
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(Sad part of salary is I can't do this if I ever switch
to a corporate 
job)
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I get to talk shit with my coworkers at a white
collar 
job. Truly the best parts of blue and collar 
combined
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