So many stories i don't know how to convey - here in Free State province, even our Town Planner is technically living "illegally" because our fricking r-slur municipality cucks refuse to enable the business approvals for inane reasons.
Example our Town planners tried to argue that some retired old ladies selling cake in their retirement homes does not constitute the necessity to fricking need to rezone a stand or her retirement home from residential to business just so that she can sell some fricking cakes to the neighbourhood.
Our r-slur commie twink municipal leaders want to fricking regulate EVERYTHING, but to such an impractical extent that i cannot explain it, and then they are incompetent at their jobs also, so when you DO apply for rezoning rights it can take up to 8 months for such an approval
The result is that one - people will just fricking go ahead to do it illegally, on the informal market, thus basically being lost as a tax base
or two - entire tiny rural townships are choked to death with ZERO economic development, some guy wants to open a buchery or tuckshop in the middle of a small dilapidated backwater neighbourhood, but the fricking brainless commies would not allow this rezoning. The real reason is of course the fricks want undertable bribing or tenders, but in doing so they choke the rural town economy to death.
An old hairdresser can't even legally open a barbershop in her backyard, because overregulation and enormous paperwork and provincial permission is required to fricking get this rezoning 
This isn't like some corporation is coming and placing a massive noise and swage polluting factory in the middle of a suburb or school district, it's a fricking backyard barbershop in a rural backwater of like 1000 peeps, and NO economic activity!
But these local statesmen do not care because they get taxpayer salary no matter how much the local district and economy around them perishes year after year, and they have the willingness to outwait the lack of bribes forever, they have all the arrogance and stupidity of local frickstain politicians that know they do not have to compete for their posts.
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literally an ayn rand novel lmao
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Wat
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I was shooting heroin and reading "The Fountainhead" in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
"Bad news, detective. We got a situation."
"What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?"
"Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars' worth of bitcoins."
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. "What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?"
"Not yet. But mark my words: we're going to figure out who did this and we're going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so."
"Easy, chief," I said. "Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair."
He laughed. "That's why you're the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins."
"Don't worry," I said. "I'm on it."
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
"Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®" I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. "Nobody move unless you want to!" They didn't.
"Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?" No one spoke up.
"Come on," I said. "Don't you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?"
It didn't seem like they did.
"Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I'm just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters."
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn't care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
"Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®" I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
"Stop right there!" I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. "Listen, I'll pay you to stop!" I yelled. "What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I'll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn 'Bob Barr '08' extra-large long-sleeved men's T-shirt!"
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
"All right, all right!" the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. "I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins."
"Why'd you do it?" I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
"Because I was afraid."
"Afraid?"
"Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers," he said. "I'm a central banker."
I wanted to coldpeepee the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
"Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street," I said. "No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you'll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom."
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
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tldr?
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LITERALLY AN AYN RAND NOVEL LMAO
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