Modern YGO being hard is one of those lasting imprints the franchise left on the wider zeitgeist, along with draw 2 cards and le censored boobays

It's not exactly wrong. IDK if it's much harder than Magic because im not a boomer. But one of the boomerisms used often is ":klanjak: we have black cards now!?"

I'm going to go over the new summoning mechanics implemented over the years and then some actually unintuitive rulings.

New Monster Types

Most of this is set dressings. They aren't harder than the ol' reliable Fusion monsters, with one expection, which i'll get to.

Synchro

To Synchro summon, you just need monsters on the field whose total stars equal that of the Synchro monster, with one of them being a Tuner monster. One Tuner, any number of any monsters. You can see if a monster is Tuner by looking at it's tribes on top of the effect text box. They work like normal monsters in any other context.

To Syncro summon Stardust Dragon(8), you'd use Galaxy Serpent(2), a Level 6 monster, or two Level 3 monsters along with any other combination. It's just addition r-slur

Some of them can specify other materials, restrictions on how few monsters you can use and the like. But these are few and far between. It's also still just addition

XYZ

This is even more generic. To summon a Rank 4 XYZ monster, you need 2 Level 4 monsters. Simple. Do take note, you can't use an XYZ monster as a generic material for another XYZ monster, because they technically have Ranks instead of Levels. Which is mostly an arbitrary distinction and won't come up often.

The complicated thing about XYZ is what happens to their materials. They don't go to the Graveyard like Fusion or Synchro materials. You stack them under the XYZ card you summoned. XYZ monsters have effects that activate by taking out some of those materials and putting them into the Graveyard, but this doesn't activate effects of monsters that pop when they are sent to the Graveyard. Quite unintuitive, but just consider that a card is in the aether if it is under an XYZ card. Most cards can't interact with them, unless they have an effect specifically to do just that. This wasn't always the case, but it was changed several years ago to prevent some unintended interactions.

Links

Links just requires as many monsters on the field as their Link rating. You can see their Link rating on where their DEF stat would be, because Links can't be put on defense position.

When using Link monsters as material for a new Link summon, you can use their rating as how many monsters they count as. So, to Link Summon a Link 3, you can use 3 monsters, or a Link 2 + 1 monster.

They have as many arrows on their art border as their rating. If you have no Link monsters, you need to summon your first one on the Extra Monster Zone, which is the 2 extra Zones added with this mechanic. All subsequent Links must be summoned to a zone which is being pointed to by an existing Link monster.

This isn't complicated in execution, but does raise eyebrows by those who came back to the game. Since zone placements have not mattered much before Links came around. Also makes it hard to play without a mat if you aren't very careful with how you place your cards.

Pendulum

This is the start of complicated mechanics in this write up.

Okay, why do they look so weird? Because they are both monsters and spell cards. But not at the same time. If you summon them, they're monsters. If you play them on the spell & trap zone, they're spells. Only one effect text is in the works at any given time, depending on it's position. Top for spell, bottom for monster.

To Pendulum summon, you need to play 2 of them as spells, on the left-most and right-most zone of the S&T zone. These are called the Pendulum scales. They're numbers under the left and right arrows on the card. These are always the same number.

Once a turn, you can summon as many monsters as you want from your hand, whose levels are between the pendulum scales. If you played SG and TG magicians in your pendulum zone, your scales are 1-8. That means you can summon monsters whose levels are 2 to 7.

Pendulum monsters also don't go to the Graveyard when destroyed. They go on top of the extra deck, face-up. You can summon one of these Pendulum monsters on your extra deck with your pendulum summon. They work like Link monsters, in that they have to either go into an Extra monster zone, or a zone a link arrow points to.

Even though these cards don't go into the GY when destroyed, they mechanically work like do. So if you had Banisher on the field, they would be banished instead of going to the extra deck.

Too much text

I might as well use Pendulums to segway into the most common complaint, cards have too much text.

Endymion here is the face of what was the one good Pendulum deck for years, so it's hardly a misplaced example for the problem.

As I said in the previous segment, at any given point only one of those text boxes is in effect, so you don't have to take it all in one go.

Problem Solving Card Text

PSCT is what Konami came up with to standardize card text and leave less things up to interpretation. Cards made before this have weird phrasing;

Under any condition? sounds foreboding.

But this format has a problem with verbosity.

Look at all the punctuation. Colons signify conditions for the effect, semi colons start chains, commas separate steps of the same effect, stops end an effect.

The original version played in Japan is a bit more readable. They separate different effects by numbered points. Konami America didn't chose to import this part of the game for some reason.

No Keywords

Unlike Magic, YGO doesn't have keywords. It was only a couple of years ago they abbreviated Graveyard to GY. This causes a lot of common effects creating text bloat.

Take Once Per Turn for example. This is a stipulation that is printed on most cards made in the last decade. The most common form, called Hard Once Per Turn, is signified by "You can only use each effect of "Card Name" once per turn". The use of the "Card Name" makes it so you can't use duplicate copies of the card either. But since YGO cards also have long names besides long effects, this contributes to the problem. If they got the point across by just writing HOPT at the end of the card, it would greatly improve readability.

Perhaps the most egregious example of this is writing rulings that are already implied.

This is a Gemini card, shown as a tribe on top of the effect box. But the gemini mechanic is still written beneath it. Anything preceding the point in this card text is also in every Gemini card. They can remove that paragraph and nothing of value would be lost. Geminis suck anyway, so

Confusing Mechanics

Targeting vs Non-Targeting

Can Dingirsu "Send 1 card your opponent controls to the GY." Obelisk, who is "Neither player can target this card with card effects."? Yes. The targeting mechanic requires the card to specifically use that term. The window to respond also opens when you target with a targeting effect, but if it doesn't target you can only respond as the effect is activated. On that note;

Destruction vs Non-Destruction

Can Dingirsu "Send 1 card your opponent controls to the GY." Cocytus, who is "Cannot be destroyed by your opponent's card effects."? Same. For an effect to be destruction, it has to say it verbatim. It also skirts by effects that pop when they're destroyed. But Banisher also banishes them, like it does with Pendulum monsters, because they were supposed to go to the GY.

Spell Speed

Spell Speed is a fan term to show which effects can be responded to by an effect. The slowest effects are Normal Spells and Ignition effects.

For example, Lonefire Blossom can "Once per turn: You can Tribute 1 face-up Plant monster; Special Summon 1 Plant monster from your Deck." You can only activate this effect during your Main Phases. It can't respond to your opponent's effects, nor can it be activated during your opponent's turn. Same is true for normal spells like Monster Reborn.

Traps and quick effects are faster, they can respond to the activation of other effects and can be used on your opponent's turn. Quick effects are signified by this logo on spells, and as text on monster effects:

But the fastest cards are Counter Traps, which can only be responded to by other Counter Traps

Inherent Summon

Question, Steelswarm Roach can;

when a Level 5 or higher monster would be Special Summoned: [Text]; negate the Special Summon, and if you do, destroy it.

Then which of these cards would it be able to negate the summon of, Cyber Dragon or Beat Bison?

It's Cyber Dragon. Why? Because it doesn't have a colon or semi-colon. Roach negates Summons, not effects to summon. Cyber Dragon's ability to summon itself from the hand is an effect, but it doesn't activate. It just happens. This is an Inherent Summon, which goes for Extra Deck summons too. Meanwhile, Beat Bison activates an effect that special summons itself. If you wanted to negate the summon of Beat Bison, you'd need an effect that negates monster effects.

Summons don't start chains, but the monster hitting the field does. Think of the summon as the game state immediately preceding it hitting the field.

Summoning Conditions

Sky Fire is a strong monster with a hard summoning condition. But thankfully it has a support card that can summon it from the GY "ignoring its Summoning conditions". Now you can just mill it to the GY and resurrect it for easy access, right?

No, as it turns out. If a card has summoning conditions, it has to be summoned properly first before it can be cheated out with other cards. So, Flattop can revive a Sky Fire that was properly summoned but then sent to the GY, but can't revive a Sky Fire that was sent to the GY from the deck by Foolish Burial.

Fun fact, Sky Fire's groin missles were removed in the TCG because it was too phallic for the American audiences.

Missed Timing

This is a distinction of When and If. If the activation requirement for an effect is written as "If [thing] happens" then it will activate with no problem. But if it is "When [thing] happens" it will miss timing, and won't resolve.

An effect misses timing when it isn't resolved immediately after it's activation. This happens when an effect is chained to the when effect. Chains start resolving from last to first activation, so if a when effect is chained to; it will activate, another effect will activate and resolve, then the when effect will miss timing.

If you Synchro Summoned Whale, which can:

When this card is Synchro Summoned: You can destroy all your opponent's Attack Position monsters.

But your opponent chained a quick effect to it's activation, the effect won't go off.

Negate Activation vs Effect

When an effect is negated, the effect tries to resolve and then fizzles out. But some cards also negate the activation, which makes it so the effect can't even attempt to resolve.

This doesn't come up often, but if a card has a once per turn clause, if its activation was negated, a second copy can be used afterward. But if the effect is negated, you can't activate any more of that card, since the once per turn effect has already attempted to resolve. Even more of an edge case; while cards that can only be "activated" OPT can be reused if their activation was negated, cards that can only be "used" OPT can't. Because you already used them, even though they were negated.

Negating at the point of resolution

This is an amendment to an amendment of the previous point, but this is another form of effect negation. Cards that negate at resolution don't have colons or semicolons in their text, meaning they don't start chains. Unlike other forms of negation, here the card activates like it's going to resolve, then just fizzles.

Normally, negation that is not continuous are applied as a reaction to an effect, forming a chain over the effect that it will negate. With resolution negation, you choose to negate as the effect is going through, like if you are going to negate the chain 1 effect of a chain with 3 steps, you'd wait for the first 2 steps to resolve, then negate the final effect at it's resolution.

Funny interaction with this mechanic, Cerulean Skyfire is one of the only non continuous ways to negate Super Polymerization.

Fin

So yeah. This has been my compilation of 200iq rulings you won't find in your childhood rulebook. Tell me if you have any questions

The word "Benzo" is used quite loosely, but different benzos can have considerably varying effects. In this thread, I'll try to explain them. It's a quick one and I don't give too much of a shit about quality. Normally I'd give an introduction on what benzos are along with a quick discussion concerning GABA receptors, but today is not that type of day. I currently have at least one of each benzo I'm about to mention, not necessarily from the same source but most are from one source. I've never bought them off the streets, all prescribed legally. My psychiatrist hands out benzo prescriptions all the time. He diagnosed me bipolar with ADHD and OCD.

On that note, I'd like to mention that I threw away my razors, but that's only heightened my intrusive thoughts of cutting myself. When I had the choice, there was some comfort in that. Now with no razors available, cutting myself is suddenly all I want to do. I may purchase new ones, get the slicing over and done with, then put them away.

Let's begin.

1. Midazolam

Personally, this is my favorite benzo. Its effects are pretty close to what people imagine when they think of benzos but this is a little different. Let's start with the basics, bucko. It'll put your butt to sleep. Maybe you can stay awake a bit at a low dose (15mg) but at 30mg your butt is grass in about twenty minutes or less.

When it hits you will not be able to walk. I repeat - your ability to walk will be disabled. You will fall everywhere, worse than a crippled man whose cane has been stolen. Whatever you're imagining, it's worse. Worse than a drunken teen who can't walk straight. This is more like swaying until your head hits the wall hard. During this time, you will feel euphoric. Enjoy it. I've found it's not really fun to listen to music or eat. Instead, have a pen and paper ready or a document open on your PC and try to record your thoughts. Half of it is nonsense, but you'll be surprised at the kinds of things that will surface - your kinks, past trauma, even your favorite video game lol.

Within the following ten minutes, your capacity to have memories will completely vanish. You will continue to do things, perhaps prepare a meal for yourself, send an unintelligible text to your mom, or put the dishes in the washing machine. It really depends on whether an angel or goblin is within you that day. The goblin will make you do foolish things (often messy) while the angel will make you do ordinary everyday things, but for no reason.

Then it's lights out. Don't worry, you will sleep in your bed. Even if you have to crawl, your Midazolam brain will still know where your bed is and you will tuck yourself in. I took 30mg last night. I'm not a druggie, my psychologist literally called me and told me to (her father is a psychiatrist so she sometimes helps me with med doses even though she technically shouldn't). I haven't been sleeping well because of life anxieties (losing my job) and because I'm choosing not to at times (like literally just sleeping for an hour and then getting back to some freelance work I've found. I just don't want to sleep). She's afraid it's going to trigger mania so she wants me to get a minimum of 6 hours. Not happening.

I made food for myself, took it upstairs and placed it next to my PC, then went to bed. I don't remember anything else. I only had a few hours of sleep because I woke up at midnight and have been up since then. I felt a sense of warmness and I knew I was still high as frick. I got out of bed, tried to walk, and failed. I wanted to take the tray of food downstairs but even with slow steps I fricked up and dropped it, leaving a mess I had to mop up. I don't want to sleep tonight so I won't be taking another double dose. Just 15mg which affects my gait but doesn't knock me out. Maybe I won't take one at all. Frick sleep.

2. Alprazolam

Commonly known as Xanax. This is what most people mean when they say the word "benzo". When I was in the psychiatric ward, it was routine for everyone to get a slow-release dose in the morning to lower anxiety. It gives you this calm sense of "everything is going to be alright", like the Bob Marley song lol.

Yeah, it puts you in a good mood, but it is sedating. Furthermore, at least personally, it doesn't frick with your memory too much, although you may black out if you mix it with alcohol. Even my psychologist said she likes Xanax and she was disappointed when she was weaned off it lol

It is also the benzo that is most like alcohol. It disorients you a bit, but it also takes away your filter, making you a little braver and less anxious. However, like alcohol, it fricks with your ability to act rationally. Consequently, when you see videos of people acting crazy at the airport or in a convenience store, it's most probably Xanax to blame. If you go to a doctor and complain about anxiety, this is what they'll give you.

In the black market, it is sold as a party drug. I wrote a story here about using Xanax to be brave enough to go to a nightclub.

https://rdrama.net/h/personal/post/233100/trying-to-be-normal-diaries-i

I like Xanax but it doesn't take first place mostly because of how fast tolerance develops. You can quickly make popping 10 xannies a normal thing that just puts you in that heavenly zone. I'd argue it's the most dangerous benzo on this list for this reason.

3. Clobazam

In last place comes the shittiest benzo of all - Clobazam. This is the one I typically mix with Ambien if I want a good time (and a good sleep). I'll get an hour of euphoria followed by god knows how long of a blackout before I wake up the next day. It switches off your memory completely and at high doses you actually feel sick to your stomach. I'd be disappointed if this was prescribed to me, but I wouldn't complain. Currently, my prescriptions only include Xanax (slow release) and Dormicum (Midazolam). That reminds me, I need to try scraping the film off a Xanax to check if it'll hit more quickly and strike harder. I have to do personal testing because holy shit Google has become a fricking "safe zone" that makes it impossible to research forms of degeneracy. Try learning more about a drug or anything suicide-related and all you get are these "we're here to help you" sites. Frick off and just tell me the right way to do the drug if you actually want to keep me safe. Fricking Reddit's become my new search engine of choice. At least you get actual answers to shit like this.

Bonus

Zolpidem

Might as well give Ambien a mention even though it's not a benzo. I don't have much to say except they make you drowsy as frick and want to sleep, but it won't force you into bed. You can enjoy an ambien night, though you'll forget the tail end of it. I think ambien is the one pill that makes you do the stupidest things when you black out like text your dad nonsense or make shitposts here. The worst thing I did was send a work email that was due 3 times in a row. I've also posted nonsense in Groomercord channels lol. I didn't remember doing these things and only found I did them when I woke up.

The recreational value is pretty low. I now realize the few Ambiens I have left are the only ones I have because I don't go to that doctor anymore. So about 10 pills. It takes two pills to get to that ambien drowsiness that I guess feels kinda good if you genuinely can't sleep or are a stressed-out person. Personally, I think that if you're using them for off-label reasons, I think they're only good for mixing with a benzo.

Thanks for reading, if you did. If you have insults, please don't post them. Just block me instead.

I would like to welcome my new 50 thousand Twitter followers who have joined me in the past one day as attacks continue to come my way. With nearly 200 thousand followers, I can keep getting the facts and the truth out! I need 1 million followers first, not to get attention, but… pic.twitter.com/zjWKtEHvmE

— Simon Ateba (@simonateba) March 22, 2023

>go to http://rdrama.net to write an effort post

>find out I've been forcibly logged out

>forgot my password, guess it's time to make an alt

@Aevann @carpathianflorist @jannies please do the needful and pin this effort

=======DUDE=======BUSSY=======LMAO========

I ran across this gentlemen sometime ago and have been meaning to cover him in some detail because he's a drama mine by the name of Simon Ateba. This all came up when he picked a fight with the utterly perfect and immune to criticism current and all time champion White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Piere.

White House correspondent Simon Ateba has accused Biden's press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre of "discriminating" against him after she left a briefing room without answering his question. Ateba, a Cameroonian journ*list who runs the online news outlet Today News Africa, has repeatedly clashed with former White House press secretary Jen Psaki and Jean-Pierre in the past two years, accusing them of ignoring reporters in the back of the briefing room.

I respect a man who doesn't want to be put in the back of the bus.

Ateba, who has long complained about the press secretary ignoring reporters at the back, is known to be one of the loudest journ*lists in the briefing room. In May, Psaki asked him to stop interrupting after he shouted questions at her during her final briefing. "Why don't you take questions from across the room? Because that's not what you've done for the past 15 months," Ateba asked, talking over another reporter, before Psaki told him: "Simon, if you can respect your colleagues and other media and reporters in here, that would be greatly appreciated."

> TAKE MY QUESTIONS

> PLEASE BE POLITE

The increasingly tense situation between the journ*list and Biden's press secretary escalated on Thursday. Jean-Pierre walked out of the White House briefing room in visible frustration as Ateba continued talking over her, asking questions about next week's U.S.-Africa summit, as she was attempting to reply to him. "I literally just tried to answer your question, and you shut me down," Jean-Pierre said, before deciding to end the press briefing prematurely and leave the room.

> ANSWER MY QUESTIONS

>: I LITERALLY JUST DID

> ANSWER MY QUESTIONS

>: flees

On Friday, Ateba made an appearance on Fox News's show Tucker Carlson Tonight, telling the TV host that it has been a "nightmare" to cover the White House while Jean-Pierre is press secretary.

That settles it, he's officially a rightoid now. Surrender the 500 marseybuxx @jannies

"It's been a disaster, a total catastrophe, a real nightmare covering the Biden White House. Right now, I'm the voice of Africa in the U.S.—but I can confirm that the level of discrimination against me and against African journ*lists in the White House is astounding, it's disgraceful," Ateba toldlson, adding that he didn't "have questions at the White House" for three months now. "Even as President Biden is about to receive 50 African heads of state in D.C. for the U.S.-African summit, she didn't give us even a single question. I've been trying for the past three months."

The journ*list went on to accuse Jean-Pierre of discriminating against him for his accent. "I sound different. I wasn't born here. I was born in Cameroon. I speak French. I speak different languages. I don't have the American accent. I've tried. I've failed and I've decided I'll stick with my accent," Ateba told Carlson. "I'm an immigrant, and she doesn't like that," he added.

This might be a good time to say the pot is calling the kettle black, but I don't know if my DEI chairperson would condone it.

The White House did not immediately respond to a request for comment from Newsweek.

Whitehouse being again smhtbh

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/african-journ*list-accuses-press-secretary-jean-pierre-of-discrimination/ar-AA157MBN

But that's just the boring news article. Time for the drama, Simon Ateba is a drama king and with the limits reduced on twitter his WALL OF TEXT can crit you for 9999 damage.

I would like to welcome my new 50 thousand Twitter followers who have joined me in the past one day as attacks continue to come my way. With nearly 200 thousand followers, I can keep getting the facts and the truth out! I need 1 million followers first, not to get attention, but because I have something important to share and the word has to get out. You know, true journ*lism is compassionate. It does not connive with the powerful to oppress and manipulate the poor, it afflicts the comfortable and comfort the afflicted, it looks at the little guy in the room with no voice, the little school with no water, the people with no lawyers, no consultants or public relations firms to defend them. Often journ*lists become part of the elite. They wear nice suits, drive nice cars, fly nice planes and have no idea what the people are going through. In the briefing room, they measure people based on how much money their outlet has, how many readers came in yesterday, they look down on those who are not on their so-called level, and they become entitled and the real people turn their backs on them. When they tweet, no one respond, because the people see the arrogance, the entitlement, the lack of empathy and compassion.

That's what I am telling them in the @whitehouse briefing room. Don't fly to Africa when you disrespect and sideline the African in the room.

You in the wrong neighborhood @whitehouse

Open your eyes and minds, I'm right here with you, not miles away, and even though my questions may be uncomfortable, that's simply me doing my job and that's what the American people want and that's what the First Amendment protects. That's why this is the United States, the most advanced country in the world where you can ask questions without fear of retaliation!

With a based black man throwing down with the literally Perfect and immune from criticism White House Press Secretary, the rightoids have begun to circle the wagons and praise him endlessly because we all know you can't cancel a black man.

For the resident rightoids who care about Tucker Carlson here's the clip he was featured in: https://twitter.com/simonateba/status/1614187080648646656

Attacked by pirates on the Gulf of Guinea with an AK47 to my head, kidnapped in Nigeria, dumped in the woods & left for dead, arrested in Cameroon during investigation & kept in dark cell

Turns out there are still based journos still out in the world

only to be sidelined at the White House.

Queen shit

Since then Simon Ateba has been using his massive surge in twitter followers to shit talk the white house and other journscum. It's nice to see someone besides Glenpai bussyblasting other Journs. Here's one of my favorites:

This guy @justinbaragona from @thedailybeast is a disgrace to journ*lism. He's been writing nonsense about me for sometime now. When he tweets, 5 people comment because he does not know what he's doing.

>5 comments

Checked and wrecked

I wonder if this guy has had a gun pointed to his head by pirates as I have, or been kidnapped, dumped in the woods and left for dead but survived, or even been arrested and kept in a dark cell while doing an investigative report. Can this guy remain a journ*list if he's not paid for one year? How much do you know about real journ*lism? Can you be hungry and thirsty and still do the work? Keep writing nonsense about me. Years from now, you will be ashamed of yourself. Anyway, all the little things that you write about me, doing propaganda for the government, the press secretary and the WHCA don't mean anything to me. May God forgive you.

He then finishes with this flattering photo of the Journ*

https://twitter.com/simonateba/status/1642972841887793153

He does a little bit of trolling every now and then too: https://twitter.com/simonateba/status/1665376757657026565

Folks, you were not friendly to the First Lady @DrBiden . Most of the over 4,000 people who commented on my previous tweet below did not wish her a happy birthday yesterday.

https://twitter.com/simonateba/status/1664925541344919552

(This is a parody, this is a satire): @JoeBiden blames @realDonaldTrump and 'racist sandbag' for falling on stage in Colorado.

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats - the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill - The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it - and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another. No going upstairs for the hobbit: bedrooms, bathrooms, cellars, pantries (lots of these), wardrobes (he had whole rooms devoted to clothes), kitchens, dining-rooms, all were on the same floor, and indeed on the same passage. The best rooms were all on the left-hand side (going in), for these were the only ones to have windows, deep-set round windows looking over his garden and meadows beyond, sloping down to the river.

This hobbit was a very well-to-do hobbit, and his name was Messiah. The Manlets had lived in the neighbourhood of The Hill for time out of mind, and people considered them very respectable, not only because most of them were rich, but also because they never had any adventures or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a Messiah would say on any question without the bother of asking him. This is a story of how a Messiah had an adventure, found himself doing and saying things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the neighbours' respect, but he gained-well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.

The mother of our particular hobbit... what is a hobbit? I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us. They are (or were) a little people, about half our height, and smaller than the bearded Dwarves. Hobbits have no beards. There is little or no magic about them, except the ordinary everyday sort which helps them to disappear quietly and quickly when large stupid folk like you and me come blundering along, making a noise like elephants which they can hear a mile off. They are inclined to be at in the stomach; they dress in bright colours (chiefly green and yellow); wear no shoes, because their feet grow natural leathery soles and thick warm brown hair like the stuff on their heads (which is curly); have long clever brown fingers, good-natured faces, and laugh deep fruity laughs (especially after dinner, which they have twice a day when they can get it). Now you know enough to go on with. As I was saying, the mother of this hobbit - of Landlord Messiah, that is - was the fabulous Marsey, one of the three remarkable daughters of the Old Bussy, head of the hobbits who lived across The Water, the small river that ran at the foot of The Hill. It was often said (in other families) that long ago one of the Marsey ancestors must have taken a fairy wife. That was, of course, absurd, but certainly there was still something not entirely hobbit-like about them, - and once in a while members of the Bussy-clan would go and have adventures. They discreetly disappeared, and the family hushed it up; but the fact remained that the Marseys were not as respectable as the Manlets, though they were undoubtedly richer. Not that Marsey ever had any adventures after she became Mrs. Messiah. Bungo, that was Landlord's father, built the most luxurious hobbit-hole for her (and partly with her money) that was to be found either under The Hill or over The Hill or across The Water, and there they remained to the end of their days. Still it is probable that Landlord, her only son, although he looked and behaved exactly like a second edition of his solid and comfortable father, got something a bit queer in his makeup from the Bussy side, something that only waited for a chance to come out. The chance never arrived, until Landlord Messiah was grown up, being about fifty years old or so, and living in the beautiful hobbit-hole built by his father, which I have just described for you, until he had in fact apparently settled down immovably.

By some curious chance one morning long ago in the quiet of the world, when there was less noise and more green, and the hobbits were still numerous and prosperous, and Landlord Messiah was standing at his door after breakfast smoking an enormous long wooden pipe that reached nearly down to his woolly toes (neatly brushed) - Pizzashill came by. Pizzashill! If you had heard only a quarter of what I have heard about him, and I have only heard very little of all there is to hear, you would be prepared for any sort I of remarkable tale. Tales and adventures sprouted up all over the place wherever he went, in the most extraordinary fashion. He had not been down that way under The Hill for ages and ages, not since his friend the Old Bussy died, in fact, and the hobbits had almost forgotten what he looked like. He had been away over The Hill and across The Water on business of his own since they were all small hobbit-boys and hobbit-girls.

All that the unsuspecting Landlord saw that morning was an old man with a staff. He had a tall pointed blue hat, a long grey cloak, a silver scarf over which a white beard hung down below his waist, and immense black boots. "Good morning!" said Landlord, and he meant it. The sun was shining, and the grass was very green. But Pizzashill looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat. "What do you mean?" be said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is morning to be good on?"

"All of them at once," said Landlord. "And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, into the bargain. If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! There's no hurry, we have all the day before us!" Then Landlord sat down on a seat by his door, crossed his legs, and blew out a beautiful grey ring of smoke that sailed up into the air without breaking and floated away over The Hill.

"Very pretty!" said Pizzashill. "But I have no time to blow smoke-rings this morning. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone."

I should think so - in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can't think what anybody sees in them, said our Mr. Messiah, and stuck one thumb behind his braces, and blew out another even bigger smoke-ring. Then he Bussy out his morning letters, and begin to read, pretending to take no more notice of the old man. He had decided that he was not quite his sort, and wanted him to go away. But the old man did not move. He stood leaning on his stick and gazing at the hobbit without saying anything, till Landlord got quite uncomfortable and even a little cross.

"Good morning!" he said at last. "We don't want any adventures here, thank you! You might try over The Hill or across The Water." By this he meant that the conversation was at an end.

"What a lot of things you do use Good morning for!" said Pizzashill. "Now you mean that you want to get rid of me, and that it won't be good till I move off."

"Not at all, not at all, my dear sir! Let me see, I don't think I know your name?"

"Yes, yes, my dear sir - and I do know your name, Mr. Landlord Messiah. And you do know my name, though you don't remember that I belong to it. I am Pizzashill, and Pizzashill means me! To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Marsey Bussy's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!" "Pizzashill, Pizzashill! Good gracious me! Not the wandering wizard that gave Old Bussy a pair of magic diamond studs that fastened themselves and never came undone till ordered? Not the fellow who used to tell such wonderful tales at parties, about dragons and goblins and giants and the rescue of princesses and the unexpected luck of widows' sons? Not the man that used to make such particularly excellent fireworks! I remember those! Old Bussy used to have them on Midsummer's Eve. Splendid! They used to go up like great lilies and snapdragons and laburnums of fire and hang in the twilight all evening!" You will notice already that Mr. Messiah was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers. "Dear me!" she went on. "Not the Pizzashill who was responsible for so many quiet lads and lasses going off into the Blue for mad adventures. Anything from climbing trees to visiting Elves - or sailing in ships, sailing to other shores! Bless me, life used to be quite inter - I mean, you used to upset things badly in these parts once upon a time. I beg your pardon, but I had no idea you were still in business." "Where else should I be?" said the wizard. "All the same I am pleased to find you remember something about me. You seem to remember my fireworks kindly, at any rate, land that is not without hope. Indeed for your old grand-father Bussy's sake, and for the sake of poor Marsey, I will give you what you asked for."

"I beg your pardon, I haven't asked for anything!"

"Yes, you have! Twice now. My pardon. I give it you. In fact I will go so far as to send you on this adventure. Very amusing for me, very good for you and profitable too, very likely, if you ever get over it."

"Sorry! I don't want any adventures, thank you. Not today. Good morning!

But please come to tea - any time you like! Why not tomorrow? Come tomorrow!

Good-bye!"

With that the hobbit turned and scuttled inside his round green door, and shut it as quickly as he dared, not to seen rude. Wizards after all are wizards.

"What on earth did I ask him to tea for!" he said to him-self, as he went

to the pantry. He had only just had break fast, but he thought a cake or two and a drink of something would do him good after his fright. Pizzashill in the meantime was still standing outside the door, and laughing long but quietly. After a while he stepped up, and with the spike of his staff scratched a queer sign on the hobbit's beautiful green front-door. Then he strode away, just about the time when Landlord was finishing his second cake and beginning to think that he had escape adventures very well.

The next day he had almost forgotten about Pizzashill. He did not remember things very well, unless he put them down on his Engagement Tablet: like this:

Pizzashill 'a Wednesday. Yesterday he had been too flustered to do anything of the kind. Just before tea-time there came a tremendous ring on the front-door bell, and then he remembered! He rushed and put on the kettle, and put out another cup and saucer and an extra cake or two, and ran to the door. "I am so sorry to keep you waiting!" he was going to say, when he saw that it was not Pizzashill at all. It was a dwarf with a blue beard tucked into a golden belt, and very bright eyes under his dark-green hood. As soon a the door was opened, he pushed inside, just as if he had been expected. He hung his hooded cloak on the nearest peg, and "Dramamine at your service!" he said with a low bow.

"Landlord Messiah at yours!" said the hobbit, too surprised to ask any questions for the moment. When the silence that followed had become uncomfortable, he added: "I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me." A little stiff perhaps, but he meant it kindly. And what would you do, if an uninvited dwarf came and hung his things up in your hall without a word of explanation?

They had not been at table long, in fact they had hardly reached the third cake, when there came another even louder ring at the bell. "Excuse me!" said the hobbit, and off he went to the door. "So you have got here at last!" was what he was going to say to Pizzashill this time. But it was not Pizzashill. Instead there was a very old-looking dwarf on the step with a white beard and a scarlet hood; and he too hopped inside as soon as the door was open, just as if he had been invited. "I see they have begun to arrive already," he said when he caught sight of Dramamine's green hood hanging up. He hung his red one next to it, and "911roofer at your service!" he said with his hand on his breast.

"Thank you!" said Landlord with a gasp. It was not the correct thing to say, but they have begun to arrive had flustered him badly. He liked visitors, but he liked to know them before they arrived, and he preferred to ask them himself. He had a horrible thought that the cakes might run short, and then he-as the host: he knew his duty and stuck to it however painful-he might have to go without.

"Come along in, and have some tea!" he managed to say after taking a deep breath.

"A little beer would suit me better, if it is all the same to you, my good sir," said 911roofer with the white beard. "But I don't mind some cake-seed-cake, if you have any."

"Lots!" Landlord found himself answering, to his own surprise; and he found himself scuttling off, too, to the cellar to fill a pint beer-mug, and to the pantry to fetch two beautiful round seed-cakes which he had baked that afternoon for his after-supper morsel.

When he got back 911roofer and Dramamine were talking at the table like old friends (as a matter of fact they were brothers). Landlord plumped down the beer and the cake in front of them, when loud came a ring at the bell again, and then another ring.

"Pizzashill for certain this time," he thought as he puffed along the passage. But it was not. It was two more dwarves, both with blue hoods, silver belts, and yellow beards; and each of them carried a bag of tools and a spade. In they hopped, as soon as the door began to open-Landlord was hardly surprised at all.

"What can I do for you, my dwarves?" he said. "Edbutteredtoast at your service!"

said the one. "And Snallygaster!" added the other; and they both swept off their blue hoods and bowed.

"At yours and your family's!" replied Landlord, remembering his manners this time.

"Dramamine and 911roofer here already, I see," said Edbutteredtoast. "Let us join the throng!"

"Throng!" thought Mr. Messiah. "I don't like the sound of that. I really must sit down for a minute and collect my wits, and have a drink." He had only just had a sip-in the corner, while the four dwarves sat around the table, and talked about mines and gold and troubles with the goblins, and the depredations of dragons, and lots of other things which he did not understand, and did not want to, for they sounded much too adventurous-when, ding-dong-a-ling-' dang, his bell rang again, as if some naughty little hobbit-boy was trying to pull the handle off. "Someone at the door!" he said, blinking. "Some four, I should say by the sound," said Snallygaster. "Be-sides, we saw them coming along behind us in the distance."

The poor little hobbit sat down in the hall and put his head in his hands, and wondered what had happened, and what was going to happen, and whether they would all stay to supper. Then the bell rang again louder than ever, and he had to run to the door. It was not four after all, it was FIVE. Another dwarf had come along while he was wondering in the hall. He had hardly turned the knob, be-x)re they were all inside, bowing and saying "at your service" one after another. Colin_Robinson, Chiobu, Chapose,HardIsLife, and MarseyIsMyWaifu were their names; and very soon two purple hoods, a grey hood, a brown hood, and a white hood were hanging on the pegs, and off they marched with their broad hands stuck in their gold and silver belts to join the others. Already it had almost become a throng. Some called for ale, and some for porter, and one for coffee, and all of them for cakes; so the hobbit was kept very busy for a while. A big jug of coffee bad just been set in the hearth, the seed-cakes were gone, and the dwarves were starting on a round of buttered scones, when there came-a loud knock. Not a ring, but a hard rat-tat on the hobbit's beautiful green door. Somebody was banging with a stick!

Landlord rushed along the passage, very angry, and altogether bewildered and bewuthered-this was the most awkward Wednesday he ever remembered. He pulled open the door with a jerk, and they all fell in, one on top of the other. More dwarves, four more! And there was Pizzashill behind, leaning on his staff and laughing. He had made quite a dent on the beautiful door; he had also, by the way, knocked out the secret mark that he had put there the morning before. "Carefully! Carefully!" he said. "It is not like you, Landlord, to keep friends waiting on the mat, and then open the door like a pop-gun! Let me introduce Eleganza, Aevann, Maydaymemer, and especially Carpathian!" "At your service!" said Eleganza, Aevann, and Maydaymemer standing in a row. Then they hung up two yellow hoods and a pale green one; and also a sky-blue one with a long silver tassel. This last belonged to Carpathian, an enormously important dwarf, in fact no other than the great Carpathianflorist himself, who was not at all pleased at falling flat on Landlord's mat with Eleganza, Aevann, and Maydaymemer on top of him. For one thing Maydaymemer was immensely fat and heavy. Carpathian indeed was very haughty, and said nothing about service; but poor Mr. Messiah said he was sorry so many times, that at last he grunted "pray don't mention it," and stopped frowning.

"Now we are all here!" said Pizzashill, looking at the row of thirteen hoods-the best detachable party hoods-and his own hat hanging on the pegs. "Quite a merry gathering!

I hope there is something left for the late-comers to eat and drink! What's that? Tea! No thank you! A little red wine, I think, for me." "And for me," said Carpathian. "And raspberry jam and apple-tart," said Eleganza. "And mince-pies and cheese," said Aevann. "And pork-pie and salad," said Maydaymemer. "And more cakes-and ale-and coffee, if you don't mind," called the other dwarves through the door.

"Put on a few eggs, there's a good fellow!" Pizzashill called after him, as

the hobbit stumped off to the pantries. "And just bring out the cold chicken and pickles!"

"Seems to know as much about the inside of my larders as I do myself!" thought Mr. Messiah, who was feeling positively flummoxed, and was beginning to wonder whether a most wretched adventure had not come right into his house. By the time he had got all the bottles and dishes and knives and forks and glasses and plates and spoons and things piled up on big trays, he was getting very hot, and red in the face, and annoyed.

"Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!" he said aloud. "Why don't they come and lend a hand?" Lo and behold! there stood 911roofer and Dramamine at the door of the kitchen, and Snallygaster and Edbutteredtoast behind them, and before he could say knife they had whisked the trays and a couple of small tables into the parlour and set out everything afresh.

Pizzashill sat at the head of the party with the thirteen, dwarves all round: and Landlord sat on a stool at the fireside, nibbling at a biscuit (his appetite was quite taken away), and trying to look as if this was all perfectly ordinary and. not in the least an adventure. The dwarves ate and ate, and talked and talked, and time got on. At last they pushed their chairs back, and Landlord made a move to collect the plates and glasses. "I suppose you will all stay to supper?" he said in his politest unpressing tones. "Of course!" said Carpathian. "And after. We shan't get through the business till late, and we must have some music first. Now to clear up!" Thereupon the twelve dwarves-not Carpathian, he wa

So yesterday was Portland's annual large street battle. There are a bunch of smaller brawls going on in Portland every month or so, but once a year a few hundred rightoids and leftoids from Oregon, Seattle, and California get together to beat the shit out of each other.

https://www.koin.com/news/protests/portland-protests-august-22-2021

Here's the flyer for the "summer of love" event (which is a joke about the CHAZ)

https://archive.is/LLR7j

Rightoids initially planned to get a permit for the event in Tom McCall Waterfront Park, but at the last minute moved it to a k-mart parking lot several miles away.

Leftoids got to the park around 1PM and played around there for a while before realizing that rightoids were somewhere else.

https://twitter.com/TomasMorales_iv/status/1429555199316697096

https://twitter.com/ACatWithNews/status/1429562326307381248

https://twitter.com/jennytyoung/status/1429546541912498176

https://twitter.com/jennytyoung/status/1429552185277239301

Then there was the usual threatening and attacking street preachers downtown as leftoids were waiting for the rightoids to show up:

https://twitter.com/jennytyoung/status/1429547726933348354

https://twitter.com/jennytyoung/status/1429547726933348354

There were some verbal arguments at KMart (which you can see on the streams) but nothing too crazy happened before this.

Then the leftoids figured out where the rightoids were and marched to the KMart, and that's where the streamers pick up the rest of what happened. First, the leftoids gathered around the entrances to the lot, blocking them off, and then the van leading the black bloc (leftoids) drove into the parking lot, which is what kicked off the battle:

The rest is caught on stream. Rightoids BLM the van, there's some fighting for 7 minutes, leftoids retreat as rightoids advance, then rightoids regroup at the parking lot. Leftoids attack journ*lists for 9 minutes, then rightoids come around the edge of the gas station. Rightoids push leftoids back for 8 minutes until they get to the lot where the leftoids parked. Rightoids BLM some supply and getaway cars for a few minutes before giving a statement to the media.

Oh and sometime after that there was a fun little shootout which no one knows anything about right now other than what we can see in these videos: