Uhhhhh let me get uhhhhhh

Saw this story over at talk.lol, and I thought some of you may enjoy it. I know it's quite long, but each paragraph does tend to make you want to read more. Here it is, unedited:

Wife and I went to see a play at the [local towny theater art center]. [neighboring town] is generally a red town, surrounded by generally other red towns. I live just a town over a mask wearing is scarce—there are always some idiots who keep on the muzzle though—and no one is asking for vaccine passports (yet).

When buying the tickets to see the play, I went on the [theater's] website and looked for any mask or vaccine requirements as, considering it is an “arts” facility, they might have some funny (read gay) business going on there. I found nothing. Furthermore, I looked at pictures left in recent google reviews and saw people gathering without masks. I was assured that even though this was a straggy arts establishment, I would be among my peers.

When we arrived, the door had a sign that said masks were required. Most places around here have the sign but no one is following it. [Wife] and I walked in without masks—because we live in reality—went to the front desk, showed them our tickets, and we were escorted to our seats in the front row.

We sat for around 10 minutes waiting for the play to start. Before it started, the writer of the play, clad in a red and black (read gay) blazer, announced that everyone was required to wear a mask because the actors were a part of some equity thing (I usually tune out when the woke verbiage starts drooling out of someone’s mouth). [Wife] and I continued to not wear a mask. The play started and we enjoyed (using that word loosely here) the show until intermission.

The “writer” came around to everyone in the front row (who all were wearing masks) and reminded them to keep their masks on. He was doing this so he would not single me out by just coming up to me—typical feminine behavior. My wife was just coming back from the bathroom as he walked up to me and told me I need to wear a mask:

Writer: “You need to wear a mask.”

Me: “We do not do that.”

Writer: “Then I will have to ask you to leave”

Me: “Oh is this because my wife is Chinese?”

Writer, dumbfounded: “No, everyone is wearing a mask I do not know what you are talking about.”

Me: “Oh this is because you are racist, my wife is Chinese from Wuhan and you feel uncomfortable around her!”

Writer, still confused and trying to work with me: “No I just need you to put on your mask or leave, something something equity something actors blah blah”.

Me: “I understand that you feel this way about my wife, but we are not leaving.”

Writer: “The actors will not come on until you wear a mask”

Me: “Okay”

[Some of my friends did not get my tactic in calling this guy a racist, I was simply trying to catch him off guard and expose the idiocy of the "racist" argument. It was also just funny, so I did it. also, she is not really from wuhan]

The writer leaves to talk to management.

[Wife] and I sit back down in our seats. An older couple, around 60, start talking to me, telling me that I have to leave or follow the rules. I laughed at him saying something with the sentiment that I am not going to listen to him. They start telling me again to leave. I look at the masked older man and tell him “You can escort me out.” His wife grabs his arm and says “don’t” quietly to him. I repeat that he can escort me out. He calls me a “Fricking Butthole”. I asked them if they were vaccinated, they said yes, and I asked them what they were worried about than? They reminded me that you can still get sick if you are vaccinated.

The wife asked me if I was vaccinated, I said “Of course not!”. Then she said I really need to leave. I told her, again, “escort me out”. She started talking about how we all need to follow the rules so no one gets sick. I laughed at her and said “Following the rules is not a virtue”.

It was at this point a crowd around me started to form. Around 10-15 people in the peanut gallery started talking and saying things, I paid no attention to who said what, but here are a few of the things I heard:

“I do not understand what the big deal is, just wear the mask!”

“I look fire in my mask, just wear the mask!”

“I just don’t get it, what is the big deal with wearing the mask!”

“I don’t want to wear my mask either!!” (An older woman said this trying to convey that she is just doing it because she has to, or it is the roooolz. I replied: “Why are you wearing it then, take it off!”)

“Such a big man!!” - Simple woman retort, conveying she wants to frick me probably.

Of course, there were a lot more comments. They were on all sides of me and I could not keep them all in my mind.

The manager comes up to me (older woman in her 50s or 60s, heavy set, short) and starts babbling about the rules and I am having a hard time keeping up with her. I explained to everyone that they are all so afraid of me, yet they keep getting closer to talk to me and that the manager was not 6 feet apart from me. I heard some laughs (response to cognitive dissonance).

I looked at the manager and after she babbled for 5 minutes said: “I am not following you.”

She replied that she will give me a refund if I leave. I sat down and let them keep talking for a bit, and realized that it would piss the people off around me if I got a refund. I said: “So you will give me a refund?” and when she said yes, one or two people exclaimed “No!”. I agreed and got up. Of course people started to clap (considering I was in the front row at a play). I got up, turned around, looked at them with a smile on my face, and bowed deep. Again, the people in the crowd shouted some insults, women said “Such a big man!” again, and we walked out.

I got to the front desk and the manager and the writer was there. I said “So I got kicked out.” This woman had the nerve to say “Noooo we didn’t kick you out!”. I just said “Yes you did” and we changed the topic. The writer said that I can come in with a mask, I said “No, I am not that r-slurred.” He was hurt by that word and I acknowledged that back to him.

The manager handed me $60 dollars and asked how much were the tickets? I said $64, but $60 is fine. The writer made sure I got the extra $4. I said I did not really care about it, but he seemed adamant about it, so I took it.

Not long after, it was just my wife, the manager and I. The manager started to show a sympathetic sentiment. She told me that they usually do not ask for masks or vaccines at the [theater] and that it just had to do with this set of actors. She asked me to come to any other show. She took her mask off and explained that she did not even know that a mask would be required here. I also learned that vaccination was also a requirement in that conversation.

She seemed like she was trying to show me she was on my side. I looked her in the eyes and said: “There is going to come a time when people will start making the excuse that they were only following orders, and that excuse will not be tolerated. That time is coming soon. I hope you understand that.” She said that she did understand. She said thank you to me three times as I walked out the door.

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