My fake(?)cel story

Grillcast was telling the truth when he said I was tall, jacked, and good-looking. However, I'm a peepeelet, 2.25" hard. I was a late bloomer because I literally skipped two grades and I've got a bit of the 'tism which is why I couldn't get any dates in high school but I did have a girlfriend for a bit in college. I was really anxious about doing anything sexual with her but I thought she really loved me, when we were just friends I had been really open with her about my other issues and insecurities and figured that would've icked her out too much for anything romantic to happen but even after knowing all that she made the first (official) move and asked me out. For a few days I was on top of my world, I thought I had finally beat my inner demons and could be "human" now. After our first date we went back to her place and cuddled for a bit and then started making out and she was really eager (I didn't mind getting sexual "early" with her since we'd been friends even before college) so I started fingerbanging her (I moved my fingers to the pattern of playing Cirno's theme on guitar) and we both started undressing. I was really anxious but I really trusted her and as mentioned earlier I had been open about other problems of mine with her, including my anxiety around s*x, though I hadn't specifically mentioned my micropeepee. I thought things were going well since she didn't seem too concerned and started giving me a gentle handjob but after a few seconds she said "it's ok if you can't get it up right now" and I was like "I am hard" and the face she made is seared into my memory forever. It was a combination of fear and pity. Throughout our relationship, part of what made me love her was that she never looked down on me. I struggle to see myself as being truly "human" with all the innate value that comes with and she was the first woman who really saw me as an equal. In middle and high school I was bullied a lot because I was small and weird and even the people who were nice to me did so out of pity. I got along well with some of the other spergs and I cherish their kindness but I'm a heterosexual man and I long for a romantic relationship with a woman. So yeah, in this moment I had just been knocked from the highest point I had ever been, mentally, to my absolute lowest. I awkwardly got dressed again and walked the couple miles back to my dorm (she lived off-campus) and cried for a few hours which was awkward because my roommate was there. The next day my ex (probably coping) impulsively got a shitty tattoo of some inspirational phrase (I can't even remember the words) and I told her it sucked and that I didn't want to date her anymore and she took it really poorly and ended up telling all of our friends (we mostly had the same friend group) that I was an abusive peepee(let) and made a point to go after my church friends and tell them I was a man-whore and nearly everyone I knew ended up alienating me. It was like a waking nightmare that continued day after day with no promise of ever waking up. My grades plummeted and I dropped out of college shortly afterwards. So yeah, that's my fakecel story and also the backstory of how I ended up in my piece of shit ambulatory rotting corpse life. I hate women so much it's unreal, but I hate myself more. I'm an unlovable freak, I'm evil, there's no hope for me, and I should've been aborted.

!incels kick me, keep me, I don't care anymore, but this is the story of the only romantic encounter I've ever had.