I'm a little lost in the sauce

Not quite like I was last. I'm doing the shitty drugs that are stereotyped as being used by the socially r-slurred tech bro micro-optimisation life hack class, the ones who take (((nootropics))) not drugs. I'm slamming back memantine, phenibut, and uncomfortable amounts of caffeine. Since I've been a little zooted and deinhibited I also tried getting some modafinil analogs on order, I probably got scammed but maybe it'll come in.

My nervous system is on edge but my mind is too lost in the sauce to feel the same. I just feel off, alert but I feel nothing. Don't bother with these bullshit drugs, do the real things. The real things will ruin your life but you'll at least feel like you're climbing up while you're falling down. You'll experience nirvana and heck during the same day. It's exciting. I felt confused, but alive. I saved the world by peeling off my toenails.

Right now I'm just acutely aware I'm drugging myself with none of the fun parts that come along with that. Just mildly reduced inhibitions encouraging me to post this L. Not reduced enough to go back to onions and induce bipolarism again. It almost was, maybe if the last DNM I used was still there. I don't feel like sifting through markets and finding old vendors, or finding trustworthy new ones if the old vendors I used are gone. I'm pretty sure all the good PCP analogs are gone anyway, don't tell me if they aren't I'd rather believe they're gone and unobtainable. I'll keep my job on these shitty drugs, I probably won't keep my job if I go back to the good shit.

I'll get off this cocktail in a few days, probably. Not that good. Namaste.