tw: ed and mentions of weight changes, exercise, body dysmorphia
hi all! coming on here for some advice before i have a chance to speak to my therapist next week. i have been in recovery for about 4 years now. when i was actively in my eating disorder, i did lose some weight but restored and then some in recovery. thanks to therapy and coping skills my recovery has been holding pretty strong, but like everyone i can still struggle with intrusive thoughts about food and my body. when i'm anxious i have noticed that i engage in more disordered behavior like calorie counting/body checking, but it has never become the consistent habit it was when i was actively in my ed. the journey isn't linear and i always try not to let the disordered thoughts win.
over the past 18 months, i have started strength training consistently, and about a year ago i started going to orange theory fitness (many in my family are super into it, this is what motivated me to try it, not weight loss). i genuinely enjoy moving my body and getting stronger, and i like the social aspect of the otf classes. i think for the most part i have adjusted well to becoming more physical active (i take rest days, never workout without eating before and after, etc). i still go out to eat, enjoy fun foods, etc.
recently i started to notice some of my clothes fitting differently, however before then i didn't really see a change in my body. in the past month or so, multiple people have remarked that it looks like i have lost weight. these comments can really trigger disordered thoughts, especially because i really have no perception of when i have gained or lost weight. yesterday someone said "you really have lost a lot of weight haven't you?" i have not stepped on a scale in years and don't intend to. however, i'm really scared of this weight loss in a way. my eating disorder is already having a field day with these comments, and i have noticed in the past few weeks that urges/thoughts are higher. i feel pressure to maintain this version of my body in a similar way to when i lost weight during my ed. has anyone here gone through this? would really appreciate some advice. my recovery is everything to me and i don't want to lose it.
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They have a fricking trigger warning for exercise.
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I hate women so much its unreal.
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Snapshots:
https://old.reddit.com/r/antidiet/comments/1ic3lkx/i_lost_weight_unintentionally_and_feel_weird/:
undelete.pullpush.io
ghostarchive.org
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archive.ph (click to archive)
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