The ghost of Christmas Future pays a visit to reveal a vision of what lies in store for dramneurodivergents

I'm a 41-year-old, fat, chronically physically and mentally ill, virgin. I'm nonbinary and bisexual, but only out to a few close friends. I was born into an extremely strict, overprotective, conservative family. I didn't even come out to myself until I was over 30, and living with my parents until their deaths, I didn't have any freedom to do anything about it, anyway. I have one online friend with whom I've been writing erotica inspired by various movie and TV characters since we were in our 20s.

She's a few years older than me, and in a similar boat: disabled, housebound, never had a relationship, only she identifies as cishet female. What we typically do is role-playing where we take turns playing the part of the guy and the girl. Other friends tell me she's sucked up all the emotional space I could have given to an actual partner, but I always saw her and our writing as my saving grace. Until the last year or so, when menopause, medication, and worsening health issues have caused her to lose her attention span and libido, leading to her no longer wanting to write at all, let alone anything erotic. I'm left completely at sea.

I've written solely in a roleplay format for so long that I'm unable to write without a partner, and without that, I have zero outlet for my loneliness or sexual frustration. My own weight and health problems have been catching up with me, and I feel way too old, unattractive, and physically limited to attempt to date for the first time in my life. My steady diet of romantic fantasies has left me with impossibly high standards, and I doubt I'd enjoy actual s*x in this body, with the type of person I could actually attract. But I don't know how to begin finding another weird, quasi-sexual writing relationship like I had with my friend for so long. What should I do?

—Frustrated in Florida