Why I stopped asking men on dates : TwoXChromosomes

I'm alone all the time and it's killing me

I (34f) was divorced in February, and I've been alone ever since. This is the longest span of time I've been single since I got my first serious boyfriend at 17. I'm having a very, very difficult time adjusting.

I'm an only child, and my family isn't a great one. When I told my mom about my struggle with loneliness, she basically told me to shut up because she hates never being alone. So I tried talking to my best friend instead, and she basically said the same thing with gentler words.

My job is in field sales, so I work alone in my car all day, then come home to my house where I'm totally alone. Most work days I spend a combined total of 2 hours in the company of another person. I was never one to have a large friend circle, and sort of enjoyed making friends with the people my husband played board games with. Now that he's an ex-husband, I don't have the board gaming friends. None of them have reached out to ask how I'm doing, so I assume I've just lost those "friendships" in the divorce. My closest friend is a mom and a wife and I'm lucky ro see her once a month. I'm also lucky if she texts me back most days.

I have hobbies and things that I enjoy doing, but they're sort of "loner" hobbies. I go to 2 different book clubs every month now, but I'm struggling with the other 29 days in most months. I loved myself so much before I was married, and I don't even know who I am anymore. I desperately want to find love & romance, but I'm obviously not in a place where I'm okay to receive that.

How does one just become okay with crippling loneliness at 34 years old after having someone to talk to every day for over a decade?

Edit: Please don't message me asking if I need someone to talk to. I have enough long-distance friendships. I am missing real life human connection.

https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1f8cj6m/im_alone_all_the_time_and_its_killing_me/