Doug Emhoff, modern-day s*x symbol

!khive

Doug Emhoff has been called many things in recent years: Second Gentleman. "Goofy dad." "Crappy Jew." But perhaps his most appropriate title: Progressive S*x Symbol.

Move over, Ryan Gosling. The modern female fantasy is embodied by the man who might soon become our first First Gentleman. Emhoff appears to be a genuine mensch with an impressive career. He's smitten with his wife and supports her ambitions, as is obvious from his convention speech and their sweet interactions on the campaign trail. But most important for this sexy sobriquet: Emhoff is secure enough with his own masculinity to sometimes prioritize his wife's ambitions over his own.

What. A. Hunk.

Emhoff was a corporate lawyer and partner at a prestigious national firm. He left the firm shortly before Kamala Harris's inauguration as vice president in 2021 to avoid any appearance of conflicts of interest. He's occasionally spoken about the difficulty of walking away from that career.

"I miss it every day," he said in an interview for the book "American Woman." "The vice president and I had a lot of conversations about how we were going to, you know, maintain a normal marriage in this milieu of me stepping away from my partnership with the firm and being there, to really openly and publicly support her as her husband."

Whatever his previous marital drama, that makes him the working woman's ideal partner today: He's a high-achieving alpha, but isn't threatened if his wife is, too. He loves his job, but he loves his wife more. He knows that "supporting" one's family is about more than financial support, and that temporarily setting aside his own professional ego makes him no less of a man.

In fact, it demonstrates the opposite. As Emhoff once told a South Korean newspaper: "Lifting women up so that they can carry out important roles is a very manly thing."

Emhoff is not the only public figure who exemplifies this enlightened machismo. Witness the online swooning when Jonathan Owens, a Chicago Bears player, negotiated permission to miss NFL training camp so he could cheer on his wife, gymnast Simone Biles, at the Paris Olympics.

Lest you think this is just my own weird personal hang-up (I'm dreading the creepy emails this column will provoke): This fantasy man is already omnipresent in pop culture. In fact, he's become a trope in contemporary rom-coms.

The romantic comedies of my childhood often featured a gallant hero rescuing a damsel from some lowly status, whether financial ("Pretty Woman," "Maid in Manhattan") or social ("She's All That"). But when my generation grew up, the female gaze refocused. Today's heterosexual rom-com heroine is not a "Cinderella," but a self-actualizing overachiever. And she seeks a mate willing to prove he values her aspirations.

For instance, in the TV shows "Jane the Virgin," "Younger" and "GLOW," male suitors prove their worth by agreeing to walk away from their own professional accomplishments to prioritize their partner's. In the film "Always Be My Maybe," our hero's grand gesture is not an engagement ring, but an offer to move cross-country to support his girlfriend's fabulous career (and then, to hold her purse as she walks a red carpet).

In "Isn't It Romantic," the rich hottie reveals himself to be Mr. Wrong when he urges our winsome heroine to quit her cool architecture job to become his wife. Her real soul mate is the guy who encourages her to speak up more at meetings.

These storylines are often presented as subversions of cinematic clichés. But they've become clichés themselves because they're what modern-day female audiences crave.

Relative to their mothers, women today are much more likely to be in dual-earner, dual-career households, where both partners have similar educational backgrounds and professions. Even if women remain more likely to become primary caregivers and stay-at-home parents than men are, the beau-ideal beau is one who treats this arrangement as a real choice, not a default predetermined by gender. Women at least want a mate who won't resent their career success — a tangible concern, given that divorce has been statistically more likely when women received job promotions or outearn their husbands.

Hence, the Emhoffian "wife guy" fantasy. Which, needless to say, sharply contrasts with conservatives' portrayal of manliness.

Ever since the sexual revolution and the post-industrialization of the U.S. economy (i.e., the shift away from "manly" jobs, such as manufacturing and coal mining), some American men have understandably experienced status anxiety. Donald Trump has exploited it. Instead of helping men appreciate how they fit into their evolving families and communities today, Trump offers sexist name-calling and weaponized nostalgia. "Make America Great Again" means returning to a 1950s-era economy, with its attendant gender (and racial) roles.

Yet even some Trump allies who peapeepee as patriarchs appear somewhat more egalitarian in their private lives. Take JD Vance, Trump's millennial running-mate.

Vance has publicly espoused retrograde views on gender. He has also mocked calls for making child care more affordable, suggesting "normal" families don't want accommodations to help both parents work. And yet his wife, Usha Vance — by all accounts a brilliant, high-achieving attorney — had her own demanding career. Until last month, when Vance joined the GOP ticket.

What do women want? To be valued and supported as much as they deserve, both privately and in public. On that score, Emhoff looks like a dreamboat.