The Big Lebowski
If it didn't have Jeff Bridges no one would even pretend it's good. It's not funny, it's not compelling, it's not interesting. It's awkward and bland.
Trainspotting
Waoaow so deep
Black Swan
Circa 2019:
Full Metal Jacket
If it had just been the first act when they're in basic stretched for the full runtime it would have been decent. Instead it was trash. Pyle killing the DS was trash. The transition to Vietnam was trash. Vietnam was trash. The ending was trash. The best that can be said about Kubrick is he's sometimes capable of creating something almost watchable. FMJ is not.
The Shining
My fricking god I hate Kubrick. Spend less time filling drawers that won't be opened while the cameras are rolling with completed paperwork and realistic office minutiae so you can jerk off to interviewers about what an auteur you are and more time picking a story to adapt to film that isn't shit.
Jaws
It's literally a fricking shark just stay out of the water and drop some poisoned chum off the pier or something holy shit
Saw (the original and the franchise)
I don't even know if this is a liked IP or anything and I don't see how it can be given the quality of every single one of them but they've made like a gorillion all with theatrical releases so I assume it's beloved for some reason and I cannot even begin to guess at why
Brüno
Borat was the only time Sacha Baron Cohen has ever been funny and following it up with Brüno really hammers this home. LOL HES GAY and LOL THERES A PEEPEE ON SCREEN SO RANDOM AND GAY
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
How Kaufman went from this soulless contrived piece of shit to the apex of cinema (Synecdoche New York) one film later is nothing short of miraculous. The one thing Sunshine has going for it is that it literally proves that SNY was divine intervention.
Audition
You can suss out a fake kino enthusiast by asking them if they liked Audition. Normal people will generally not know what you're talking about (some will but they won't feel very strongly about it) and these r-slurs will gush about how good it is. It's not good. Nothing fricking happens and not in an interesting way. The tedium only serves to try and enhance the effect of the long-awaited Occurence which manages to be less interesting than the monotony. It's a terrible film.
Clerks
Someone is inevitably going to post the haha try not to suck any peepees on your way through the parking lot clip in response to this statement but there is not a single funny line in Clerks, let alone a funny scene. Dante is a loser who quips back and forth with Darrell or whatever who is also a loser. Constantly. It's all so quippy and tiresome and not a single one lands. Clerks would be improved with a laugh track so then at least we could get funny YouTube edits like CLERKS NO LAUGH TRACK with it removed like people did for Big Bang Theory to illustrate how unfunny it is. Kevin Smith is a fat humorless moron, and if someone likes Clerks there's a good chance they are too.
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The Nightmare Before Christmas. And everything else Tim Burton haa done except Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands.
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banned
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I always saw people hype tim burton, then I recently-ish saw his batman movie and his planet of the apes, and both were so fricking bad. Like really, really bad. Insufferable bad. That was the moment I realized most people are r-slurred.
The only movie of his that I like was '9' I think, though I was a kid when I watched that so idk if it still holds up.
I found nightmare before christmas mid, charlie and the chocolate factory was just weird (in a bad way) and I watched both of these as a kid too, so theyre probably even worse now.
Anyway, tim burton sucks butt.
cc @SusieVass
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God this was awful. After a couple hours I thought finally there's no way I can be even more disappointed. And then the ending.
It was even more infuriating to me because I liked the real Planet of the Apes so much that I read the original French novel it was based on. The dumbfricks who wrote this movie just take the ending of the book and drop it at the end of their movie even though it makes no sense at all. And I just know some fricking smug tard must have thought he was really hot shit for coming up with that idea.
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Yeah I don't personally like Burton lol. He has an undeniable style to him though and it's incredibly strong and entirely unique to him, he's absolutely very talented even if most of his stuff doesn't do it for me. He's had a few absolute bangers though. Namely Nightmare, Corpse Bride and Sleepy Hollow.
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I like the one about the guy who has scissors for hands. I think it's called "Edward with Scissors for Hands."
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I legitimately hate Tim Burton. Like to a completely irrational degree. His particular kind of pseudo-cutesy look-at-me-I'm-an-ART-kid-aren't-I-so-special? style just makes me seethe.
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i hate Tim Burton so much it's unreal. Beetlejuice is fine but Edward Scissorhands is on thin fricking ice. the only truly good thing he ever did was Batman Returns
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And let's not pretend that Batman Returns is a good movie: it's just the least awful Batman before Nolan showed up.
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i hope Christopher Nolan drives off a bridge.
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Mars attacks
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I just saw Pee Wee's Big Adventure and thought it was nice hehe
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i always forget he made this. amending my previous opinion to Tim Burton has made two good movies.
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Tim Burton didn't direct Nightmare Before Christmas
He was hundreds of miles away while the film was being directed/created, he had little (if any) creative output in the making of that film.
Please stop spreading lies
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