Ok, first of all I should actually give props to anyone who had the balls to post in there. Even good writers are easy to make fun of if you strip out the context, and it takes a lot of confidence to put yourself out there.
Now that I've taken care of that, let's dunk on some teenage edgelords to feel better about ourselves.
Thread playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUS3ENV1wbK81HyDVTHEolZT_kDEnHtxP
Shuffle for a randomized reading experience.
Professional quotes will be graded on a scale of 1-5 knives.
"No law but survival, no god but us." 
Edgy but a tad generic. Feels like it could be from anywhere.
Rating: 🔪 🔪
"The dead do not need more company." Another one from the same scene is "We fight. We fight until we're wasted into nothing." Gave me chills the first time I wrote them out for the battle scene 
How about we waste them into nothing?
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪
that second line gave me chills too, amazing cook woah 
At least he's finding an audience.
"If we cannot survive, we'll make the work of destroying us as difficult as we can." 
I refuse to believe this is the best line in your story. At least he didn't say "unaliving."
Rating: 🔪
"It's not easy to explain, exactly, but I suppose I knew somehow that my life wasn't going to end up how I wanted, no matter what. Better, then, to just get it over with, to go out with a spectacle that will have everyone watching, feeling my heartbreak long after I'm gone. I may die, but I will live forever in this story." 
This is about either shooting up a school or killing yourself, but regardless it's very deep.
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪
A line said by the villain of my book. "As the clock strikes twelve, the hands of fate begin their dance anew. Everything is aligned as it should." 
As bad as Marvel quips are, you have to remember they were a reaction to this.
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪
Peace?! Is that what you desire? Then you are no different from any other conqueror. Peace is when there are no wars. Peace is when everyone gives up hope and stops resisting. (The speaker points a finger at the heart of the listener and almost touches them.) Peace is when evil has won and conquer you all." 
So what do you think?
I too inspiration for this from the movies Star Wars. I watched them years ago so I can't remember details but I remember that Darth Sidious was like talking about an important task that would be a great victory for the empire and he said "Only then there would be peace." By "then" he meant when they conquer everything. 
...And that's why I bombed that hospital. 
Rating: 🔪 🔪
"Fine. If everyone wants me to be the villain, than I might as well become one." or "You humans are so funny. All you do is create the very things you fear." Have to be my favorite ones I've come up with (I watched too many villain quote things). 
Which is why your writing reads like a GPT slurry of trailer quotes. There's just nothing here.
Rating: 🔪
"I will make you beg for wrath of the Gods" says a priest to an atheist to which he replies "then let your false idols cry in ineptitude" 
I want to honor the bravery, but this just feels like failed parallelism.
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪
As human was his outer shell, Beast was his inner
Short and to the point.
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪
"A deer can never understand why a wolf wants to chase it down instead of eating the grass"
Okay no cap I actually really like this one
Rating: 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 ⭐
"Second this coffee was poisoned wasn't it? The taste seemed off so I recognized it as poison , it would have worked on a normal person but…". He tossed the cup to side as it shatters on impact "Im not a ordinary man" 
Frick, he tasted the oat milk.
Rating: 🔪🔪🔪🔪
"I'm many souls put together but none of those souls are mine." 
How I feel about all my online personas
Rating: 🔪 🔪
!edgelords !writecel !bookworms
.webp?h=8 "P-Hat (blue) - Ughhhh coming up with different descriptions for RuneScape party hats")
Professional quote makers of /r/writing share the "best" lines from their own work 
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I don't understand why people get so upset about this passage. The character is stranded and worried that she'll die. 4 sentences in a ~5000 page long series to describe a major character dying of dysentery seems entirely reasonable, definitely not worth spamming all over the place.
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he has a scat Fetish neighbor are you really this dumb
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!bookworms what do you think?
Personally I hate this kind of coarseness in high fantasy and it borders on being gratuitous. I suppose it fits the rest of the work (never actually read it) but it's the perfect passage to contrast GRRM with more ordinary fantasy writing.
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I figured gratuitous coarseness in high fantasy was the whole schtick of Game of Thrones
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It is and I don't like it
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I enjoyed asoiaf (its over btw there will be no more books in the series) and i think this passage basically fits with the plot at that point. This is when dany is dropped off in the middle of no where by drogon right?
I guess you could use more flowery language to describe dying of diarrhea but his schtick is stripping away the fascade of dignity and grace that nobles, aristocrats, elites build up around themselves and laying bare the grimy humanity of all people high and low. "Shat" has been in use since at least the 1700s amd "shit" is much older so i don't really agree with the argument that the language is too modern. The only criticism i think makes sense is that often in this series the language and tone changes with the perspective character to fit the way that they think and perceive the world and maybe dany wouldnt think this way.
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My expectations for Martin were already in the dirt. Seeing quotes like these almost motivates me to dig a trench.
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The sequence gets quoted because it's funny (especially out of context, if all you know is it's a quote from a serious and beloved fantasy novel). As
@caterina said, it's mixing different registers of language. But when we see a dissonant element like this, we have to ask why it's there and whether it succeeds at its goals.
Ugliness can definitely enhance a story if it makes things feel real. Using language that reinforces the absurdity of a situation could be more honest than talking around it. It's hard to feel dignified when you're having diarrhea, even though diarrhea could legitimately kill someone in that sort of environment. With that said, I haven't read the book, so I'm not sure if an absurdity/laugh/bathos moment is a good choice for the specific context.
I don't think I've ever written about my characters pooping, but I've made them puke more than once.
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I'm not a fantasy aficionado but in any artistic work you should keep a consistent tone (unless you're doing something subversive and provocative and are really sure it's going to land). I don't want the whiplash of going from some story about gay elves living in forests or whatever straight to my dad telling me about the guy they had to airlift out because of hepatitis. And then they blamed all the enlisted guys because...
When they were doing the remake of Sid Meier's Pirates! in the 2000s they had a few things that they ruled out ever mentioning in the game because they're not fun: The wars of religion (
@Corinthian my side totally would have won tho 
), disease, and pretty much anything related to race. You can go for real or you can go for fun, you can't do both at the same time. One time there's this little girl who's got a fever and we're in a panic because it might be dengue. Potentially brain damaged for life. Or that time I had cancer and I didn't know if I'd make it. Both situations it turned out in the end it was fine. My point is: Don't remind me of the worst moments of my life unless you've got a point to make.)
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If the Dutch had won the Philippines would be part of a SE Asian caliphate right now.
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And if I wasn't explicit enough:
Killing child molestors should be the #1 priority for law enforcement at all times. You glowie cute twinks can come here and fight about it if you want. I am more than ready to die.
@HailVictory1776 is an alt I use when I'm feeling moderate about these issues.
When I disappear look at the local news and see if the Washington County Sherrif's Department just killed someone for asking too many questions.
BTW you remember that time when one of them chimped out and murdered some hard-working American in booking really recently? You ever notice that didn't become a national story? My neighbor couldn't say "I can't breathe" because he was unconscious before he hit the floor. (At least that's how I remember it, and in a police state everything goes by rumors.)
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!metashit someone pick up their grandpa pls he's lost and confused
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No...
#marseygiggle:
Nah you can read my mind.
I got the voice in my head that's not an auditory hallucination that's my own voice telling me over and over again to keep yourself safe.
Response to I have been a crip for 20 fricking years. This defined my entire life. Now I can't even walk.
I have been told my entire life that I'm not allowed to be angry. I am done with that. I am so fricking far beyond done with that. This last thing, this was a violent crime done to me, this should be assault-2 in Oregon. Mandatory sentence of like 20 years or something. But there is absolutely no chance of anyone ever being disciplined.
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Can you be more explicit by posting nudes?
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You people complain but we leave you to your own devices and you got this Quiboloy nonsense going on.
Just fricking run these people over with M113s, they were designed to be transported by air, we can fly them in. The thing I love about rDrama is that glowies can't tell when you're joking. You have to actually know me to know if I'm serious when I say that the only problem with Waco is they didn't get the kids out and they didn't burn alive every adult.
Seriouspost tho: Some countries really really love the M113, some don't, and politicians never ride them to avoid car bombs. Like Lebanon loves them more than I love Loena Hendrickx doing her short program but people who know that Assad is going to blow them up don't ride in one. Best explanation I ever got was my dad saying, "Does it have air conditioning?"
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I don't understand.
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M113 is an armored personnel carrier from the 1960s, still popular today. Made mostly out of aluminum, which, I'm gonna be brutally honest with you if you don't have airborne genes you will never understand.
Quiboloy is one of these child molester cult leaders.
Waco is where (I cannot emphasize enough how unironic I am right now) Janet Reno should have taken the families of the cultists hostage and if that didn't work just fricking dropped napalm all over the place. I mean half the users here want to r*pe children in order to own the libs. I like to say that I accept everyone, diversity of thought, etc. but if I could put every pro-Waco/pro-child r*pe person in a gas chamber, just hold me back so I don't hit the button before the door is closed.
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"Pooping" and its past tense "shat" mixed in with the otherwise formal language. The fairy-tale like construction "the more she drank the more she shat/the more she shat the more she drank" contrasted with it's seemingly mature subject matter forces us to recognize it as at least partly juvenile. It's a completely ridiculous way to describe someone, as you say, dying of dysentery.
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shittin my guts out
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