Even BPD girls can find True Love? (Part 1)

I come to you writing this from a polar heck-scape, somewhere I never thought I'd end up. My fingers move at a snail's pace and the toes of my right foot have gone numb. Frozen fog fills my lungs. Thick blankets of snow absorb almost all sound, except for the faint whistling of a breeze brushing through my unwashed shit colored hair, and the sound of my heart beating strongly with anxiety...

Women with my particular issue sometimes struggle to find their one and only. I gave up this endeavor before even starting, doomed to a life of ao3 scrolling and liveleak watching. I've actually known him for more than a year, and you wouldn't believe where we met. Our relationship is something straight out of a Shoujo romance... If you've ever read Kimi ni Shika Kikoenai you know what I'm talking about. He's like a beautiful flower I found and keep locked in my garden, of course I ensure he's well taken care of. He wants for practically nothing with me, and I truly believe that he'll never need another person in his entire life ever again.

They warned him about me. Some people fear me, but I know it's because of the demonic presence that have taken up residence in their souls. I have the cunning ability to expel these demonic spirits. Infected peoples can sense this unique strength I posses and without even really understanding why, they feel a sense of hatred towards me. Through the goodness of my heart I do not hold it against them, only pity them, and hopefully one day bring sanctity to their poor souls. They run from me though, and my more worthy endeavors demand the most of my attention.

Despite being warned by liars of my doings, he does not fear me. Even still I believe he is drawn much closer to me and the flame that is my burning heart. It's greatly endearing and he will be rewarded for this loyalty. Even in the bitter cold, I don't need a coat or boots because my demon expelling spirit burns hotter than the sun. He is drawn to this aspect of me, among many other things.

Recently, he flew me out to visit him. No man has ever done such a kind gesture for me, so I was honestly taken aback. Nevertheless, like a stag in a snowstorm, I pushed ahead into the unknown. And by god I was rewarded for it. Chat, you could never know how innocent and perfect he looks while asleep. Like a puppy, my flower is. I always carry a pocket knife in my bra, for safety and utility reasons, and I honestly just couldn't help myself. He was in a deep sleep, but not even snoring or drooling. Perfectly laying on his back, soft hair tumbling over his forehead in an angelic fashion. The temptation to bite him until I drew blood was overwhelming but even better ideas flooded my mind.

Slowly, I knelt over the bed, careful not to wake my perfect sleeping flower. My movements were as delayed as they were precise- can't frick this perfect opportunity up. The knife was removed from my bra and I flicked it open with a singular, smooth motion. He doesn't even notice the sound of a pocket knife flipping open inches from his face while he's sleeping (can you imagine how lucky I am?) I quietly warm the blade up to body temperature by pressing it against my forearm, enjoying the view from beneath me. Like I've been possessed, the tiny but deadly sharp blade is moved up to his neck. At this point, I'm not even myself anymore- someone completely different. An "out of body experience" would be a massive understatement. My flower isn't awoken by the blade at it's vulnerable stem, the control is all mine- so is he. 'Is he having a nice dream?' I wonder. This control is intoxicating. After withdrawing my pocket knife from his neck, I take this opportunity to check his driver's license for valuable information on him. It's always good to know more about those you love.

Anyways, I think that despite my many faults, I've really found the one for me. He's perfect in every way and I will never let him go. Do other girls with BPD struggle finding long-term romantic partners? It would be nice to talk about this issue with some other BPD sisters :)

Happy Valentine's Day! <3