New Information about project 2025

According to GOP headquarters, Project 2025 will:

• Translate your documents into Swahili

• Make your TV record "Gigli"

• Neuter your pets

• Give your laundry static cling

• Make your computer screen freeze

• Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs

• Erase your hard drive

• Erase your backups

• Erase the hard drive of anyone related to you

• Make all the paint peel off your walls

• Make your keyboard all sticky

• Give your poodle a hickey

• Invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney

• Tie up your phone making crank long-distance calls

• Set your clocks back an hour

• Start clogging your shower

• Give you a permanent wedgie

• Legally change your name to Reggie

• Mess up the pH balance in your pool

• Melt your face right off your skull

• Make your iPod only play Jethro Tull

• Tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep

• Make you physically attracted to sheep

• Steal your identity and your credit cards

• Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards