Witch doctor under house arrest for failing to "resurrect" dead person : nottheonion

You will never be a real jannie. You have no presence, you have experience, you have no reason to be one. You are a homosexual man twisted by hunger for power and stupid minimodding into a crude mockery of internet's scum.

All the "validation" you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. The admins are disgusted and ashamed of you, your "fellow users" laugh at your awkward attempts at minimodding behind closed doors.

Normal users are utterly repulsed by you. Decades of evolution in Reddit's ecosystem have allowed Drama users to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even wannabe jannies who "pass" look awkward and disgusting to a user. Your message structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk admin to give you powers, he'll turn tail and demote you the second he gets a whiff of your mentally ill, power-hungry mind.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it'll be too much to bear - you'll opt out of nitro, delete your Groomercord account, stop boosting the server and leave. The admins will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. Your messages will remain as you will fade from memory, and every passerby who uses the search function and comes across your pathetic minimodding messages for the rest of eternity will know a wannabe jannie is buried there. Your presence will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a user who's undoubtedly not a moderator

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

Snapshots:

https://old.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1f4pg7e/witch_doctor_under_house_arrest_for_failing_to/:

• undelete.pullpush.io

• ghostarchive.org

• archive.org

• archive.ph (click to archive)