Swedish Gender Equality Minister Paulina Brandberg has such an acute phobia of bananas that her staff must work around the clock to ensure that she never has to lay eyes on the yellow fruit, Swedish newspaper Expressen has reported.

In a social media post in 2020, Brandberg admitted that she has "the world's weirdest phobia of bananas." Her admission was dismissed as an exaggeration until Wednesday, when Expressen published leaked government emails revealing the true extent of her fear.

Before Brandberg attended a lunch at the Norwegian Judicial Agency in February, her cabinet secretary emailed the agency: "Paulina Brandberg has a strong allergy to bananas, so it would be appreciated that there are no bananas in the spaces where she will be staying."

Ahead of a meeting with a local authority later that month, Brandberg's secretary was more blunt, telling municipal staff: "no bananas are allowed on the premises either."

When the speaker of Sweden's parliament, Andreas Norlen, invited Brandberg for coffee in September, he too received an email informing him of the minister's banana "allergy."

"Thank you, there will probably be a cake with the coffee and we'll make sure it doesn't contain banana," Norlen's office replied. "However, we have fruit baskets with bananas in adjacent spaces and passage rooms. Is it enough if we put these away in the morning of the same day?"

"It will be brilliant if you can put them away in the morning of the same day," Brandberg's secretary responded.

While her secretary describes the phobia as an allergy, Brandberg told Expressen that "it is something that I get professional help with."

"It's like a kind of allergy, you could say," she told the newspaper.

Bananaphobia is not recognized by most medical scientists as a legitimate condition, and is lumped in with the generic phobia of "certain foods" in the International Classification of Diseases. However, anecdotal evidence suggests that it is a real, if rare, phenomenon. On the website of Mind, a British mental health charity, one bananaphobia sufferer described how "seeing a banana in real life makes me extremely anxious, I hyperventilate and feel petrified."

"I know bananas can't hurt me but for some reason I am full of fear whenever I see or smell them," she wrote.

Following the publication of Expressen's article, Brandberg's fellow MP Teresa Carvalho also came out as a bananaphobe. "I suffer from the same ailment," the Social Democrat wrote on X. "We may have had many tough debates about conditions in working life, but on this issue we stand united against a common enemy."

!nooticers someone ping foidmoment

https://old.reddit.com/r/ukpolitics/comments/1grv7r1/police_forces_investigating_childrens_classroom/

!r-slurs

Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy are asking Americans who are "high-IQ small-government revolutionaries" and willing to work over 80 hours a week to join their new Department of Government Efficiency – at zero pay.

In a new X post on Thursday that doubled as a job announcement and another one of Musk's trolling attempts, the account for the newly formed Doge wrote: "We don't need more part-time idea generators. We need super high-IQ small-government revolutionaries willing to work 80+ hours per week on unglamorous cost-cutting."

Infowars is being shut down now! pic.twitter.com/nb4loGvL12

— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) November 14, 2024

Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

All told, the decision to acquire InfoWars was an easy one for the Global Tetrahedron executive board.

Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic "panic" and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can't even put a man on the Moon.

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.

Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.

What's next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.

As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO's life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.

All will be revealed in due time. For now, let's enjoy this win and toast to the continued consolidation of power and capital.

Infinite Growth Forever,

Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO

https://access.nyc.gov/programs/emergency-food-assistance/

https://www.foodbanknyc.org/

https://www.nyc.gov/site/dycd/services/food_pantries.page

I wish Trump and his border Czar strongarm the Canadian government into deporting people and strengthening our border.

I'd even launch missiles to enforce it.