Anyone else just feel constantly bored

I try to get out of the house. But when I am stuck at home the only thing that makes time move is drugs and alcohol.

It's tough knowing I will never meet or marry Utada Hikaru. I feel like she wrote her single One Last Kiss about me, but she doesn't respond to me dms.

I constantly tell my self I am not good enough and don't deserve what I do have as well as underplay what accomplishments I have made.

Am i being too hard on myself or should I just rope?

Anyone ever feel like this or am I just being a whiny cute twink?