EDIT: Mystery solved, see comments
October 2: I get a security alert from Google saying a new device had logged in. The only information it gives me is that it's a Windows PC in Oregon. I logged on to my Google account from a Windows PC in Oregon on October 2. I heard Google was changing their security somehow or something, so I figured my computer their record of me must have gotten wiped in the process. If they had given me literally any more information than that at all, we wouldn't be having this discussion.
October ~15: I notice that some video about fancy cars is in my youtube history. I figure that I must have accidentally turned on autoplay on my phone just before I fell asleep. I chuckle at how terrible youtube's algorithm is for giving me suggestions, because it really is so bad it would do that.
October 22: I look at my history and it's full of the worst kind of zoomer shit. And it goes on for several hours straight:
Notice how one of these is actually me. (I was writing about an evil alchemist attempting to rob me in Darklands and considered making a reference to this scene but decided it wasn't really a good fit.) So he's watching this shit at the same time I'm on and I have no way to know.
So I had to delete my whole goddarn youtube history for the month to make sure nobody thinks I want to know who MRBEAST is. Interestingly, after that youtube acts like I have no history at all.
Start watching videos to help us build a feed of videos you'll love.
I guess the suggestions are mostly based on what you've watched in the last couple weeks. I've always suspected that.
I go through my search history. Surely if he's spent all this time on my account he must have searched for something. I find nothing out of place. There are things that I don't remember searching for but I know absolutely must have been me like:
Nobody can have a thing for 1990s Starfleet officers and like MRBEAST at the same time. It's an interesting window into my mind because I have two browsers open, my normal one and my one for stuff where I have to be logged on to Google. The only reason I'd search on the latter is if I'm really drunk. (Fortunately that's only happened a few times this month.) There's some really bizarre stuff in there that doesn't make sense but is so unique to me that nobody else in the world would ever type it in. I'm really proud of myself because I didn't put in the name of any of my ex-girlfriends this time. 
What the frick was I planning to do?
(Actually I remember this one. I just used the wrong browser by mistake.)
So anyway, I turn up nothing strange in the google searches. So then I go through the log of all the activity on my account of any kind and I come up with nothing. I don't understand how someone could be watching youtube as me but have no other activity at all.
Techbros, help me out.
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I finally find where it tells me what the darn device is.
Mystery solved.
I completely forgot I lived there. After my surgeries I was recuperating at this place for people who need wheelchairs. I stayed there for quite a while so I logged into my account on the TV. I must have forgotten to log out when I moved out. For 10 months nobody watched youtube on there. Most of the patients were probably old people who don't know or care about youtube and just want to watch their TV. But finally some zoomer is horribly injured and ends up there. He pulls up Youtube, is a little confused at why it keeps suggesting figure skating, Star Trek, and airplane crashes but whatever. That also explains why he's watching this stuff all day. He's in bed, probably fricked up on opiods, so he just wants to watch videos about cars, not Citizen Kane.
Thank you all for helping me in this investigation.
!commenters
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!codecels This man unironically logs in on shared devices
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It wasn't even a shared device you fricking r-slur. He used a fricking shared TV and forgot to log off. Do you use a shared PC?
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!r-slurs get ur boy
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I said shared TV. I did not say shared device. A TV can be watched by more than one person r-slur. It's a shared screen not device
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That's the same fricking thing!
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You can watch the tv together, but you should never log in to your personal account when watching TV together.
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The s in Redactor is for security
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No, it stands for SHEIKH
Re:
@Rescarer0
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Finally somebody here shows me the basic level of respect that I deserve.
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It wasn't a shared device, r-slur.
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Then how did the zoomer get it?
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How do you define "shared device"? It was in an apartment and stayed with the apartment. Nobody had access to it except me. That's not a shared device, that's just me being an idiot when I moved out.
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It wasn't really public. It was basically my own apartment but the TV stays there when I move out. Everything would have been fine if I just remembered to log out then.
Maybe I should have worried more when I first get there and open up Youtube and the previous searches are "gangstalking" and "gangstalking Portland".
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You had the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever on someone else's account who subscribes to gangstalking theories.
And you chose not to? Why are you so dramaphobic?
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Seriouspost: I considered it briefly but I figured they probably weren't logged into an account. Targeted individuals usually don't log into accounts.
Also the constant pain, the drugs, the difficulty in even rolling over in bed to even pick up the remote. There's some sacrifices I won't make for drama.
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Ure welcome 👍
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