We live in a relatively safe big city (Dallas). So far this year, my boyfriend has gotten into fights at bars, at the gym, on public transport and during pick up basketball games. This has resulted in a few stitches and many bruises. He's not (at least in my experience) an aggressive guy and so I'm just wondering if getting physical is a common occurrence that men have to deal with.

In the last few weeks a trend emerged on TikTok where women explain how they spend money. But most importantly, they reveal how they make sense out of those expenses, even though some of them don't make sense. Lo and behold: girl math: https://tiktok.com/@danielasotohealth/video/7267396650690268417

It's over for market research-cels. Zoomers will tell you their spending habits unprompted for a bit of internet clout.

What does ‘girl math' look like?

1. Forgoing sales means losing money

Imagine you're at the mall, and you spot a cute handbag at a discounted price. You want this item and it's on sale — not buying it would be stupid, right? This is ‘girl math' and the marketing industry loves it.

Brocels remind me to never share a bank account if I ever marry

2. Skipping daily expenses makes you money

Say you love drinking coffee everyday. Where I live an espresso costs around €0.75 — I know, come to Portugal. If I don't buy coffee one day, that means I've made €0.75 for the day. Quick mafs.

3. Paying with cash is like paying with free money

The cash sitting on your wallet feels like Monopoly money. You don't see any charge in your bank account, you don't see the numbers drop, so it's not as painful.

I've always considered it low IQ behavior. What compels these people to publicly admit to it, and even associate it with your gender?

A Consumer Expenditure Survey by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found out the following: men spent an average of $41,203 a year as opposed to $38,838 by women. In absolute terms, men do spend more than women.

Foidsisters we are so back, science has saved us once again with cold, hard facts.

However, when we take into account how much each gender earns on average, the story changes. According to the Census Current Population Survey, men earn an average of $76,460, whereas women take home $56,360. In other words, men spend $53.8 out of every $100 they earn, and women $68.9.

This is why fighting for equal wages is evidence based policy. It's basically like quantitative easing.

girl math is buying starbucks everyday but it’s okay cause you get points

— Laiba (@_libsxo) October 2, 2023

BREAKING: GoFundMe for girlfriend of far-left activist brutally murdered raises over $50,000 in 24 hours after she refused to give black suspect's description to police https://t.co/GqsHnv8unV

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) October 4, 2023

Might be one for chudrama but w.e

Warning: TMI and oversharing.

Men scare me. Their lust terrifies me. I'm seriously not sure if I can ever see my self trusting a man or deeming him worthy enough of my virginity or body. At the same time, I know I have a crazy high libido. It's a conundrum. So for the first time in my life, I used a dildo. Prior, to this I've never inserted anything up there, (apart from tampons). It was VERY uncomfortable at first but after that fine. No blood though. It felt so great being in control and not having to emotionally depend on a man. It also gave me lots of confidence and reassurance that I am capable.

I know deep down this doesn't count as losing my virginity. I so wish it did and might convince myself it does. It upsets me that I still have that to give that “first” to a real man.

Anyone else experienced anything similar or have any advice to get over this hurdle?

Edit: Thanks for the support everyone! Seeing a lot of comments saying that “virginity is a construct” and that I need to let this whole idea go. Trust me, I know and I am REALLY want to. However, for context, I grew up in an ultra Christian household that drilled purity culture into me since I was 5 years old. So unfortunately, it's a very complicated and distressing narrative to unpack. It doesn't help I have been disappointed by men my entire dating life so emotionally I think I would break if the experience was bad and I was regretful.

If you're unable to lift your wife over your head when you first meet her, you're either too weak or she is too heavy

A bunch of dudes showed up to the women's career fair

They can't actually tell any individual male that he's not "really" a woman, so their plan is to

A. *listen*,
B. develop a collaborative avenue for attendees to share more, and
C. be transparent https://t.co/kjfUZJvDph pic.twitter.com/Q7wdWYoMVU

— Bennett's Phylactery (@extradeadjcb) October 3, 2023

Throwaway because he knows I use reddit.

The title only says so much about the situation.

He and I have had a loving relationship for the last 2 years and a half. He proposed to me this past February. We were so happy and picked our venue and started with some of the planning. We still have a year to go so we had been leisurely figuring it out.

Shit hit the fan last week when he went on a trip to Hawaii by himself. I have bad abandonment/attachment issues and a mood disorder for which I take meds and go to therapy every two weeks, so I feel everything 10x more than the average person (no excuse for what follows below). I essentially feel like the whole world is ending when he's gone.

Anyways - I was anxious, angry, and sad that he left. I couldn't eat sleep, eat, or even work. I wasn't functioning and even doing things that I love to do by myself felt like too much because I was doing it just to cover being upset.

Whenever he leaves, even for boys night my instinct is to not talk to him, but this time he'd be gone for a whole week. I was freaking out from even the day before he left. I told him he couldn't take my luggage, I refused to give him a ride to the airport and the last thing I said to him before he left the house was “frick you.”

Well - As the week went by it all got worse. I was texting vile things to him just to disrupt his trip. I told him to die, to frick off, that I didn't love him, that I could do better than him, that I hoped his trip was miserable, and told him I hated the friend that he went with. I did so in what looking back was a creepy obsessive way. This was the whole time he was gone, but it got worse the day before he came back. He was going to dinner with his friend and I convinced myself he was ignoring me, so I told him thatI decided that I'd call him repeatedly just to “frick with him” I regret this so much. I left him over 40 missed calls. He found it disturbing and said he didn't want to talk to me. The next day I wanted to die of remorse. I punished myself by reading the definition of “disturbing” a million times and asking myself why did I do that and so sad that I fit the definition of disturbing.

I apologized the next day, expressed my remorse and my understanding that calling him over 40 times was absolutely inappropriate. Of course his friend found out and even freaked out thinking I'd call him too (I wouldn't).

As part of my apology and wanting to make things better I offered to get him from the airport )which I initially refused to do. It was so awkward it felt like standing in front of a total stranger. Radio silence in the car. I don't blame him for it. He said we needed to talk. Those words are so so so scary. He didn't break up with me, but told me that he reached out to other friends, his parents and siblings to tell them what happened. They all said I'm emotionally abusive and don't support our wedding. Now he wants to push back the date, which is heartbreaking to me.

His words to me have been “I don't know how you'll do it, but you have to fix this mess. I can't do this without my family and friends, they don't support this anymore.”

I'm afraid our relationship is only going to bleed out until it dies. I don't know how I can even show “changes in my behavior” in less than a year. I burned an insane amount of bridges and now I see an abuser in every mirror. I'm so embarrassed about this that I don't even know if I can tell my therapist.

I want to crawl under a rock and die.

This isn't the first time I blow up a partners' phone, it happened about 5 years ago or more, and it's when I first sought help. This time I feel hopeless and helpless.

How desperate would you have to be to stay with someone after this shit?

I went through all the skincare stuff my gf left in my bathroom while she's out of the house.

I found a can that she sprays on her face every morning at the end of her routine. I saw her buy this product for ~15 USD but didn't think about it so whatever it just had some french name

Checked the active ingredients list

"Spring Water"

"Natural Minerals"

That's it

My (29f) friend, let's call her Emily (32f) is an amazing person - she's fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing and just a great girl to be around. A few years ago she decided not to shave anymore (legs, armpits, female areas) out of protest to the patriarchy, resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.

A few days ago, we were having a beer and she told me how sad her dating life was, that she kept meeting guys and having very fun dates but never got a call back or when she tried asking for a second or third date, got rejected in a very generic manner. Now after telling her “you're so gorgeous and wonderful, the right man will come don't worry” multiple times, I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of “I know this is a very superficial thing to say, but do you think it might help a little if you would shave?“

She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed I would suggest she change her appearance for men and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed. I immediately apologized but the evening was pretty much ruined. I texted her the next day apologizing again for hurting her but she hasn't replied.

I really did not want to hurt her but I also don't quite see how my comment was that bad so I am not sure how to phrase my apology. So decided to take it here and ask people here how big of an AH I am.

UPDATE: I am absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of reactions this got. Thank you all so much for your well-worded answers and for your inputs. Emily messaged me yesterday evening asking if we could talk about the whole thing and we had a phone call.

She started by apologizing for her reaction and by the things she said to me. I told her that I wanted her to know that I and many others love her for who she is and the last thing I wanted was to suggest that she change herself for a guy. Another important piece of advice I got here was to make sure she actually was asking for my opinion and not just venting, so I told her that I was very worried I had given her unsolicited advice. Thankfully she didn't see it that way. She told me I had always been a loyal friend who had her back and she always had valued my advice, which was why she was so taken aback by my comment. I told her that what I should have said is that I feel like in the past, she has been attracted to men who don't necessarily share her values, and that she might need to be more clear with her dating choices and first make sure they align with her values to avoid being disappointed. She also agrees with this and we really had a great conversation after that. Thanks again to you all for the insightful comments and for your help!

jannies tagged this as NTA, but most of the top comments are YTA

YTA not shaving is a value statement. She is looking for a partner in life that has the same values. By telling her to shave you are telling her to change her values just to get a man. Instead of saying “don't worry you will find the right man”, why not say “it's better that these wrong men are screened out than be with one of them that doesn't value the same things you do. Now that would be miserable compromising your values”. Being single is not the end of the world.

Edit: Typos corrected and grammar improved for clarity

Edit to add: Not shaving is a value statement for OPs friend as per OP her friend stopped shaving to stand up to the patriarchy. Not shaving is not a value statement for all those that do not shave.

This. She's not looking to date men who are only interested in women who shave. Telling her to shave is not going to help her get good dates, just more dates. And those dates would likely be the type of person she won't be interested in. She's right in saying that OP told her to change for a guy, it's just that OP didn't realize that's what they were doing.

There's a lot of internalized misogyny cope in this thread lol. I say this as a woman who shaves (when I'm not lazy). It's definitely bullshit we have to do it to be valuable to the majority of men. And honestly trailblazing women like OP's friend will likely make it so our daughters or granddaughters don't have to go through massive time-consuming routines just to pretend that being hairless is somehow more feminine than their natural bodies are.

We shouldn't discourage these women. We should empower and support them. They shouldn't change, men should change. It's just hair and they're already covered with it.

>trailblazing women

YTA

I think you're going to get some angry responses because a lot of people in this subreddit assume everyone posting is a man so of course you're going to be accused of supporting the patriarchy.

I think you're probably right that some of the guys she has gone out with are put off by her body hair. However, she likely doesn't want the kind of guy who would see body hair as a dealbreaker. She also didn't ask for your advice. It sounds like she was just venting. Let your friends vent and just listen. You don't have to offer advice. You can just offer support.

The same old 'venting' grows wearisome after a while and friend, a true friend, eventually should point out the obvious. She doesn't want a guy who sees that as a dealbreaker? All well and good, just keep in mind how few those guys are in American society.

OP makes no indication that the friend has often complained about this-which doesn't mean that isn't the case, but I would think OP would mention it if this was something the friend frequently complained to her about. So while I agree that repeatedly listening to the same complaints gets annoying, if that wasn't the case here, I don't really see a need for OP to speak up yet.

OP is also assuming that the friend's body hair is the issue, but jow would she know? The friend said she can never get past a first date, and I know we just got done with summer, but does OP know this friend always wears clothes that revealed her armpits or legs or both? Does OP know if the men the friend is going out with are just interested in hooking up and don't want to bother with someone looking for more? Does OP know if the friend has some other behavior that turns them off, or they talk about dealbreakers on the first date that reveals their incompatibility?

not shaving wouldn't deter all scrotes, but it probably is correlated with other s

Info: did she ask for advice or was she just venting?

Woah, yeah this is so important to the context. I still don't think it's proper "advice" or a solution to give. But good context to know.

redditors expect their friends to just be echochambers.

YTA... if body hair is a deal breaker for a man, it's not going to be a guy she would want to be with. You wouldn't tell a friend to lose weight too "get a man", so any variation of those is AH - wear makeup, shave, wear less makeup, wear different clothes, not those clothes the other ones....

People are entitled to their preferences - liking a beard on a guy, long hair, short hair, whatever. That is fine and not what is being judged here.

Of course you can tell a friend they need to lose weight to get a man. What kind of dishonest relationships do y'all have with "friends?"

This may come as a shock to much of Reddit but physical attraction is a huge part of relationships. And many men don't want to be with women that are as or more hairy than them. That can go both ways obviously, I wouldn't think twice of a woman expecting a man to groom themselves either.

If a man isn't attracted to me because of my weight or my body hair, then they aren't worth my time. I'm thankful for the filter that keeps the shallow ones away. Easy peasy.

i met this guy on val and, we have been together for months, we did everything together and then i found out hes 45. my heart hurts i wont ever be the same. im never sleep calling with another eboy again. heres proof: pic.twitter.com/9lCN91mnoZ

— tara (@tarabwear) October 2, 2023