Guy is open about what he wants in a relationship. That is problematic.

Maybe I should have been more tactful or understanding. But I wasn't. And I don't feel particularly bad about it. I knew that dating again after my LTR would be challenging, but I didn't expect to hear these pathetic, rehearsed routines that sound like a testosterone-deficient AI chatbot.

I've known this guy slightly for several years. We're in sort of adjacent friend groups, and he's nice-looking in a way that isn't too intimidating. He seemed like a safe, friendly option...right up until he immediately started babbling about wanting children, fishing, his "values," family, babies, and fishing. Also fishing. I mentioned that I didn't have any children, and his response was: "Well, you could if you wanted to...right? Like, there's nothing physically stopping you...?"

My response (see post title) didn't even phase him, and I just quietly filed him away as someone I had to tolerate until I could somehow excuse myself. Which I did with all haste.

There is nothing—literally nothing—that kills attraction faster than opening a date with a recruiting pitch for a woman's uterus. You want to have a family? That's nice. I want a new inkjet printer and an electric car that doesn't need to recharge.

What really grinds my gears is that I KNOW there's some grimy "dating coach" out there, as usual, who's telling men that talking about babies makes our ovaries light up like Christmas trees for first-date s*x. It's insulting, and I'd almost rather a guy respectfully ask for s*x on a first date. I really, really hope it gets better than this.

CONTEXT: I'm 24. We walked on the beach for 30-40 minutes in a public place.

Asking if you want kids someday is fine. Asking if your uterus is in good working order is not.

If he wants kids and you don't it's best to find out quickly so you can part ways and find partners whose wants align with yours.

it's better to waste time

Yeepp.

That being said, doing it on the first date is a bit too fast I think. Wait until 2nd or 3rd at least.

Nah huge waste of time if you ask me.

Like sure at OP's age you can but I'm 39 - if I want kids I'm not waiting to find out if a guy I'm dating is open to kids or not - I'm finding out right now

based foid

There probably IS some lunatic dating coach giving that advice.

But I think it's fair to ask about kids since it's a question that's usually asked on dating apps, but I guess he could have said it in a less... weird way. It's a deal breaker for a lot of people. For the record, I'm woman that doesn't want kids.

but when you say you don't want kids on the first date, it's empowering

I mean, are we mad that he let you know before the first date was over that he wasn't worth any more time? Or should he have waited until many dates in when y'all are liking spending all this time together with this person who doesn't bring up anything controversial (yet) then realize you could've been out finding someone better suited for you?

Absolutely the way he said thing was weird AF, but I'd be absolutely grateful I found out right away. If I didn't want kids, I'd say “that's awesome for you. I actually don't want kids so this probably won't work out” If I do want kids, maybe I'd say “cool. I'd like to have kids of my own someone too, but it's also important to me that my future partner be there to take an equal part in raising them (ie not be gone fishin all the time). Or if I don't know if I want kids yet, “That's great you already know that. I'm not sure if I do or don't.” Or “I haven't even put any thought into that yet at this point but it sounds like you're absolutely sure so maybe this isn't meant to be”. Either way, see ya never ✌️

Mmm.. Red flag. Seems he does not really want to get to know you …just sizing up your breeding abilities. Is he rw fundie? That would fit.

the obligatory blaming the rightwingers comment

20 somethings start off with kids? I thought that was 30s - 40s age group. Anytime a guy has asked even coworkers I am honest. Sadly probably not in the cards for me due to health issues and my constant hormone imbalances with hashimotos. Yes I am very aware it could happen but statistically given I am on the asexual spectrum highly unlikely. 24 girl you got plenty of fishes in the sea 😜.

Trans lesbian here. I'm not old enough to be thinking about children, but if I were I don't think I'd be asking my girlfriend about kids on the first date?? Like that's so weird. I'd want to be in a committed long term relationship with someone I know I'm compatible personality-wise with before I even START that conversation. Like get to know the person first, you want kids this badly but you don't care about making sure the mother of your children is someone you know, love, and trust? Even if you've known them for years, I think it would still be prudent to make sure you work as a couple first, no? This is so strange to me.

>Trans lesbian here. I'm not old enough to be thinking about children

lol