Dear Sexplain It,
I (FTM/30) have a (cisgender/32) girlfriend, and we are polyamorous. My ONE boundary is I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who dates cis men because of the emotional labor it takes for me and the degree of dysphoria it sends me into. She is free to date all others, including cis women, trans women, and trans men who are pre/non/post-op.
I've done a lot of work in therapy around this, and it is not out of jealousy but truly uncontrollable dysphoria and a sense of safety I need in a sexual relationship. We want to be together, but it seems that lately, she is not happy with this boundary despite her having access to everyone else. She's had s*x with a ton more people than me since we've been together for three years.
Is there any hope that we can make it work without me having to loosen that boundary? I feel letting this boundary go will not only damage my internal world but also that I won't be able to look at her or our relationship the same anymore. Please help!
—Anyone But Cis Men
Dear Anyone But Cis Men,
Is this really your ONE boundary in the relationship? I'm sure you have other boundaries regarding mutual respect, communication, honesty, condom use, STI testing, and so on---which is a good thing. Having multiple agreed-upon boundaries makes relationships healthy and sustainable.
I think the reason you're claiming you have ONE boundary is because you're trying to make yourself seem reasonable. But "reasonable" is subjective: some poly people may be totally fine with your boundary, because, as you say, they'd still have "access to everyone else." Others might say you're infringing on their sexual and romantic autonomy, and they're opposed to their partner having veto power in their relationships.
Don't get me wrong: there's nothing wrong with you establishing that boundary. After years of therapy and self-reflection, you've realized that you would not feel comfortable with your partner dating a cis man because it would trigger your dysphoria and make you feel unsafe. I'm proud of you for coming to that revelation, as I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm proud of you for knowing what it would take to feel supported and safe in a relationship.
But I also respect your girlfriend for knowing what she needs in her love life, and it sounds like what she needs is to date some cis men. If you're not open to loosening your boundary, and she doesn't want to adhere to it as is, then I don't see how this can work without at least one of you being unhappy. That doesn't mean either of you has done something wrong, or that you don't have lots of love for each other; it just means you two might not be compatible.
I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I don't support you reining her in against her will (just like I wouldn't support her pushing you to accept uncontrollable dysphoria). Assuming neither of you wants to budge on your boundaries, I say it's time to look for a new partner who's cool with your needs.
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Post-op pooners are the worst of the trans bunch to have s*x with. They look like they want to frick you with all the testosterone, but when you get down to their pants, all they have is their vagina sewn together, looking like a micropeepee; they call it a peepee. No wonder this b-word wants some real peepee.
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how hard is it to make a peepee tho
I understand the difficulty when there is already one there-- it'd just be awkward and get in the way
But when there is no peepee there to begin with.. How do you frick that up? That's potential for some serious perks. Like why try and replicate a natty peepee when you can just create the most pristine, modular, gigadick since the inner workings are not an issue..?
I find it hard to believe FTM peepees are something to not be saught after (if ur into that) just saying, can they not have some cyborg attachment ? If you're giving up the babymaking portion anyway, you now have what is basically a hole to use to mount this cybernetic peepee and the tube can be used to house like liquor n shit. Or backup peepees, or like a peepeesaber.
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They believe a lie their life will be better with mutilated genitals
Like if you want to be a dude that's fine, just have a strap on homie.
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It makes sense in my mind
Moids can get natty peepee pretty easily cruising through whatever gayborhood/grindr-style app they frequent and they don't want to put up with straggy woman bullshit.
Femoids, as far as Andrew Tate has taught me, like a big strong boy that makes them feel secure and desired. There's nothing less titillating or sensual than a manlet priming his little mushroom with a bike pump before some labia-depth penetration
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behold:
codecel of the future
Like this dude's gonna be using a bike pump.
yall think I'm stupit, like I wouldn't noooootice? Why do you think most
s are programmers?!
It's so they can program the cybernetic enhancements that they've been secretly working on in covert hidden subreddits. Mark my words.
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