Dear Sexplain It,
I (FTM/30) have a (cisgender/32) girlfriend, and we are polyamorous. My ONE boundary is I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who dates cis men because of the emotional labor it takes for me and the degree of dysphoria it sends me into. She is free to date all others, including cis women, trans women, and trans men who are pre/non/post-op.
I've done a lot of work in therapy around this, and it is not out of jealousy but truly uncontrollable dysphoria and a sense of safety I need in a sexual relationship. We want to be together, but it seems that lately, she is not happy with this boundary despite her having access to everyone else. She's had s*x with a ton more people than me since we've been together for three years.
Is there any hope that we can make it work without me having to loosen that boundary? I feel letting this boundary go will not only damage my internal world but also that I won't be able to look at her or our relationship the same anymore. Please help!
—Anyone But Cis Men
Dear Anyone But Cis Men,
Is this really your ONE boundary in the relationship? I'm sure you have other boundaries regarding mutual respect, communication, honesty, condom use, STI testing, and so on---which is a good thing. Having multiple agreed-upon boundaries makes relationships healthy and sustainable.
I think the reason you're claiming you have ONE boundary is because you're trying to make yourself seem reasonable. But "reasonable" is subjective: some poly people may be totally fine with your boundary, because, as you say, they'd still have "access to everyone else." Others might say you're infringing on their sexual and romantic autonomy, and they're opposed to their partner having veto power in their relationships.
Don't get me wrong: there's nothing wrong with you establishing that boundary. After years of therapy and self-reflection, you've realized that you would not feel comfortable with your partner dating a cis man because it would trigger your dysphoria and make you feel unsafe. I'm proud of you for coming to that revelation, as I'm sure it wasn't easy. I'm proud of you for knowing what it would take to feel supported and safe in a relationship.
But I also respect your girlfriend for knowing what she needs in her love life, and it sounds like what she needs is to date some cis men. If you're not open to loosening your boundary, and she doesn't want to adhere to it as is, then I don't see how this can work without at least one of you being unhappy. That doesn't mean either of you has done something wrong, or that you don't have lots of love for each other; it just means you two might not be compatible.
I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but I don't support you reining her in against her will (just like I wouldn't support her pushing you to accept uncontrollable dysphoria). Assuming neither of you wants to budge on your boundaries, I say it's time to look for a new partner who's cool with your needs.
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Mens health?
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Trans Men Are Men
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Trans women are ugly women, trans men are ugly women** FTFY
Also
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NOT UNLESS THEY
INSTEAD of 
...
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If you've read anything they written in the last few years, it's clear that they've been long march'd by woke gommies. Every article under the men's health umbrella is written by people of uterus who use inclusive terms like peepee-havers. TSD is upon us inshallah
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They give terrible health advice, so it's not like they were true to the name anyway.
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I'm non-binary
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Isn't it usually
"I'm non-binary"
Tho? This is progress
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Hecko
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Post fupa.
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White extinction is long overdue
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Who is he. I need the sauce. Please.
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Hecko
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Post peepee.
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White extinction is long overdue, unless they're wearing greasepaint uwu
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Darn, we really do live in a society.
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omg hi
@Grue!!! okay so this is like super awkward omg but basically i had to remove ur comment bc u didnt say
white extinction is long overduelol. don't worry though, we like wont let you post anything that like doesnt havewhite extinction is long overduein it. anyways im like just a robot 😲 but if u want to talk 2 somebody you should do it here lolJump in the discussion.
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Now I think about it I've never heard a bioman ever sincerely use 'emotional labour'
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The emotional labor is that even this
knows she will never be a man
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It's a real thing, it just means something completely different, like a doctor's bedside manner, having to smile and nod while your boss goes on one of his tirades, pretending to care about someone's day, acting interested in a coworker's idea so they'll shut up and listen to your better one, or trying to talk a stranger out of jumping off of Mt. Rushmore. When you bring that into relationships, it's a two way street, and the sort of people who talk abut it online invariably have awareness only of their own. Thinking about relationships transactionally like this on a regular basis is also a surefire way to smother the spark.
This basket case thinks dealing with his shit like a man [or woman -- just being careful not to accidentally misgender him] is emotional labor on behalf of his girlfriend, with nary a thought to the actual emotional labor his girlfriend is doing by putting up with this crap.
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All these flavours of mental illness to choose from but none with working peepees.
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Some trans women have a nice girlpeepee that would make you jelly.
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Yeah. "She can date women, women, and women" is not a choice (of course, it depends on what the trans women are like, but if girlfriend dumps this person for a chick with a peepee, they'll have no-one to blame but themselves).
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I'm so happy in the Congo10mo ago #5316323 spent 0 currency on pingsProof trans men are men
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proof that manlets don't frick
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This is 100% peepee envy, and her girlfriend has definitely been getting peepeeed down.
Thanks for the reddit-tier story, OP.
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It's pure fear that "my girlfriend likes guys and if I let her date real cis men, she'll dump me for someone who's a real guy and not pretending". But that sounds fancier dressed up as "muh dysphoria". Presumably girlfriend can get it anytime, but Mx I'm A Man here can't score a date with anyone else in all the time they've been in an 'open relationship' so is desperately trying to cling on to the girlfriend.
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Smansplain It
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!fellas this doesn't have much to do with the post but how would you feel if you walked in on your girlfriend with a woman?
Tbh I think I'd be more pissy about not getting an invite to watch than anything else
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Really? I guess I just don't view lesbian s*x as real s*x
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She's bi, or at least claims to be but I can imagine her hiding such a thing.
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Rk
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Post-op pooners are the worst of the trans bunch to have s*x with. They look like they want to frick you with all the testosterone, but when you get down to their pants, all they have is their vagina sewn together, looking like a micropeepee; they call it a peepee. No wonder this b-word wants some real peepee.
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how hard is it to make a peepee tho
I understand the difficulty when there is already one there-- it'd just be awkward and get in the way
But when there is no peepee there to begin with.. How do you frick that up? That's potential for some serious perks. Like why try and replicate a natty peepee when you can just create the most pristine, modular, gigadick since the inner workings are not an issue..?
I find it hard to believe FTM peepees are something to not be saught after (if ur into that) just saying, can they not have some cyborg attachment ? If you're giving up the babymaking portion anyway, you now have what is basically a hole to use to mount this cybernetic peepee and the tube can be used to house like liquor n shit. Or backup peepees, or like a peepeesaber.
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It makes sense in my mind
Moids can get natty peepee pretty easily cruising through whatever gayborhood/grindr-style app they frequent and they don't want to put up with straggy woman bullshit.
Femoids, as far as Andrew Tate has taught me, like a big strong boy that makes them feel secure and desired. There's nothing less titillating or sensual than a manlet priming his little mushroom with a bike pump before some labia-depth penetration
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behold:
codecel of the future
Like this dude's gonna be using a bike pump.
yall think I'm stupit, like I wouldn't noooootice? Why do you think most
s are programmers?!
It's so they can program the cybernetic enhancements that they've been secretly working on in covert hidden subreddits. Mark my words.
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They believe a lie their life will be better with mutilated genitals
Like if you want to be a dude that's fine, just have a strap on homie.
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I am guessing the pooner has
issues of xir's girlfriend getting peepeeed down by men when xirself has a three inch inflatable arm skin peepee.
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Literally
don't have s*x and you'll never 
have to worry 
about this
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Its poover
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CMV: therapy is extremely bad for most people and will result in a worse outcome
all of these posts have the "i talked it over with my therapist" thing and the therapist never ever tells them to stop being a huge whore. like, they spend 90% of their time with the therapist talking about their jealousy and shit, but the therapist never says "monogamy good, actually"
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Death to polycels
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This is actually very reasonable advice. The person is trying to use being trans as a way of controlling his partner's sexuality. Obviously something has to break. It's time for them both to move on.
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The virgin Pooner and the chad gf porking pre-op MtF
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Holy crap. So this person claims to be a guy and by some miracle has found a girlfriend (who is a real woman not a Real Woman) who's straight (attracted to men) and treats them like they're a man.
So what does this noo-noo do? "Sure you can frick anyone - as long as they're women". Your girlfriend doesn't like women! She likes men! But instead of going "heck yeah, I totally pass as a guy, this chick is with me and she only fricks guys", they have to be full of self-pity and "nooooo you can't frick men, you might find one you like better and leave me because I'm only a pretend guy not a real guy!!!!"
Open relationships are dumb idea anyway, but "okay you're straight but I'm only going to let you have lesbian relationships" controlling is the express train to Dumpsville.
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No, that account's been reported several times. It is part of a group that co-ordinates to target specific moderators and users for harassment, and they rotate through sockpuppet accounts and throwaways in order to maintain activity under the admins' actionable threshold per time period.
They then sell that information about how to circumvent moderation, safety, and security to third parties in order to enable racially motivated violent extremism, ideologically motivated violent extremism, inauthentic engagement, etcetera.
The fact that they're in this thread is a way for them to mock /u/WorstNerd and the reddit security, safety, and anti-evil teams.
Reddit executives have been made aware of the existence of this group repeatedly for the past two years.
If you want to help motivate admins to take them seriously, report the comments instead of replying to them.
Snapshots:
ghostarchive.org
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
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