/h/spalspace has been deleted for inactivity 
remedy this situation before she catches on.
My dear commenters, this is an r-slured concept but its pretty fun. You have been given a scenario and you must achieve your quest of getting marsey 
a birthday present 
. I will be the neutral arbiter who will help or hinder you in achieving your goal.
You awaken in your room with pj's on. In the fever dream of a nightmare you had last night, a glimmer of truth was revealed to you; you didn't get your beloved cat, Marsey, a birthday present! How foolish of you! You must get your present before the party starts at noon. You also must get a birthday cake, party decorations, and a clown.
Post your replies in a single comment chain, branching paths will be converged into a single path. Post your comments and I'll maintain continuity as they're posted. If it ends up being too much of a clusterfrick I'll just ignore some comments.
The story so far...
You started the day by drinking some water from the sink. It was salty. You attempted to whip out your monster peepee, but to no avail. You checked your pockets and found a few items (inventory will be listed at the bottom). You asked your mother to drive you and she said she would for 2 bpp (big person points) which you accepted. You put on your gear and washed your face and go downstairs to get a poptart. While mommy is cooking that, you stole her wallet and hid it in your nonbinary anus before getting into the car and driving to the Gigaplex (a mall downtown). You've entered the Gigaplex and looked around. What you saw was as follows: CLOWN WORLD, Freddy Fazbear's freddy fazbear, Greasy's Breadburger Joint, Shopaholic DX, Mark's Mann's Firing Range, Delicious Doggy, Party City, Hot Topic, a pretty big guy, the food court, and a whole bunch of hylics. [You Are Here]
inventory:
[Mildly C*m-Stained Marvel T-Shirt] - a terribly drawn depiction of you and black panther making out
[Grey Sweatpants] - nothing of note about these, thankfully
[Panama Hat] - This hat kind of looks like a fedora so you wear it
[Camo Crocs] - You forgot to put these on. Wait, no they're on. Frick.
[Morbius Backpack] - You HATE this backpck, but the batman one is missing
[Wallet] - Its one of those privacy wallets with the lock and chain, you got it when you were 12 and its barely holding on with a great deal of duct tape
[Bent Fork] - idk maybe you could use this as a weapon or something
[Flip phone] - also obtained when you were 12, only contacts are your mother and your significant other who's off in china probably screwing massive black bulls
[Marsey Meese Membership Card] - its like chuck e cheese if rdrama invented it, you probably have some free pizzas on this thing or something so its worth keeping around
[Mommy's Wallet] - you cleverly stole this from your mommy and hid it in your gunt. This is probably going to be your main source of cash so good thinking
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Ok. You have obtained transportation, but I'll give you a chance to collect gear before you go if you so desire.
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Put on least c*m stained marvel shirt, grey sweatpants, panama hat and camo crocs, equip batman backpack and sword cane
Splash water on my face and tell mom I've washed up. Ask mom to fix me breakfast of 1 poptart, rifle through her purse while she's distracted
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Your least c*m stained marvel shirt is one your mom got you for your birthday this year, only so because it is your newest shirt. It is a badly drawn image of you and black panther kissing. Grey Sweatpants acquired. You have a panama hat that you wear every day to sleep that you're already wearing; you consider it a fedora, though. You don your camo crocs only to realize you're already wearing camo crocs. Your batman backpack is missing, but your michael morbius backpack will do just fine. You don't have a sword cane because mommy says you'll cut yourself.
You tell your mother that you've washed up and ask her to cook you a poptart. She gets to cooking a blueberry brownie poptart (you scrape the blueberry frosting off one and melt it onto the other in the microwave). In the meantime, you search her purse. She has a wallet, her keys, and various cosmetics inside.
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TAKE WALLET, HIDE IT IN GUNT
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Ok you manage to shove it into your cavity, but your hands still in your pants when your mother turns to you. She turns away quickly and pretends not to notice.
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Eat poptart
Ask mommy to buckle me into car
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Ok you're in the car now. where would you like to go?
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THE MALL WITH THE CLOWN STORE
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You think you remember hearing about a clown store at the Gigaplex on the far end of town. It takes about 20 minutes to get there. Where do you want to go first?
updated the main post btw
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Gunt is your gut, not your c*nt I'm pretty sure.
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oh I thought it was guyc*nt (the butt)
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