gender dysphoria

i spend every waking moment of my life trying to somehow suppress my desire to kill myself. My bed sits adjacent to a window, and sometimes I feel as though that window calls my name. I've removed the screen before, just to get some fresh air and perhaps a sense of adrenaline through my veins. All of this because I'm trans, because I'll never have the semblance of a normal life. I just want to be a woman more than anything in the world, and yet God must hold that from me while freely handing it out to everyone else. I remember digging into my perineum as a child, hoping that there was secretly an opening down there. Part of me still clings onto the hope that perhaps if I pray to God hard enough and want it badly enough, that some day I'll wake up and I'll be a cis woman and will have always been a cis woman and this bad dream can finally come to and end. But every day I wake up only to discover that it's not, and the only way to truly end this living nightmare is to end my life.

So frick you, @CrystalVulpine. I have gender dysphoria. There is no reason for it; it is an irrational desire which can only partially be sated by transition. The "why you should transition" post was a light-hearted attempt to highlight some of the positives of transitioning (and poke some fun at chuds), rather than all of the negative. But rhetoric is lost on rDrama, and due to low literacy rates in the US, many (including you!) took it literally. Frick you, you have absolutely no foundation to speculate upon feelings which only I truly know. I tend to keep these things close to my heart, but I absolutely loathe people like you who erroneously take lack of mention to imply lack thereof.