i say this dead serious. my phantom kitty issues have gotten a lot worse recently. what the heck do i do? this is really deranged but it's like I know what it feels like to get peepeeed down and I absolutely need that rn. i started crying while making out with my fwb because i could feel her peepee rubbing up against my crotch and i just really wanted to put it into a hole that i dont have. im just wayyy to close to ending my life over this shit.
the horny is getting overwhelming. i'm nervous that all of the men in my life are going to notice that ive been checking them out. wtf do i do !cuteandvalid
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Someone else's life? Is it your body you would like to change or is there something more that bothers you about your situation? If you could, what would your ideal life look like?
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My body is one thing. Another is how I'm not talented at all. It doesn't matter how much I try, I'm not good enough to achieve any of my goals in a reasonable timeframe. Another is how mentally ill and burdened I am in general.
To top it all off, there's someone out there who's nearly identical to me (to the point where I can almost remember being her), but lacking most of my problems and so talented that she can produce a basically flawless product in any field even without prior experience. I used to have some of that, but as soon as I hit puberty it all drained away for some reason. Now all I have left is grit and determination, which doesn't get you far on its own. I kind of think this other person was allowed to have certain things specifically to rub in what's happened to me.
I always go to sleep hoping I won't wake up again, and I always start each new day with dread. Even the few good things I ever had all turn out to be wolves in sheep's clothing sooner or later. I've really lost any faith I had that anything good exists in this world, at least for me.
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Not to sound condescending, but never being satisfied with your work is a struggle many creatives/artists can relate to. Comparing yourself to others and getting frustrated at the gap of skill is another one. You have to remember what you are creating for/what makes your hobby fun to you. Is it purely because you need to prove something? Or was there ever something else that pushed you forward? What was it?
Who is this other person? Are we speaking of a friend, real or imaginary? Is it some vague sort of memories, a dream, a fantasy? And why would anyone want to hurt you in this personal kind of way? It seems you'd have to know someone pretty well in order to get at them like that, to know your feelings about puberty and your association with loss over it. Were you good friends or do you think it could have been happenstance and things just got to you?
Also, if you really feel this way, what gets you up regardless? Is there something that makes your time worthwhile?
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Hi. I am NotYou, an online friend/acquaintance of
@CrystalVulpine. 
CrystalVulpine has felt envious of me for approximately 3 years. I don't quite understand it myself. I don't think we were close when he first started feeling this way.
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How would you feel if I were a god compared to you? How would you feel if you were somehow stuck in a man's body while I wasn't? If I had self-control and was actually a good person, and you couldn't manage it? How about you have a ton of incurable mental illnesses and disabilities that I do not? Wouldn't you resent this universe for giving you the short end of the stick for seemingly no reason? Maybe not, you may be above that, but in this alternate scenario you're not (while I am). And out of all the people in the world, it just had to be the one who's most like you.
I think anyone would feel the way I do in that situation.
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Sorry if it felt like I was downplaying your suffering. I didn't mean to imply that your feelings were incomprehensible and unfounded. Life was unkind to you. I think it's completely understandable that you feel resentment for it, and I understand how my gender, interests, and lack of the mental illnesses/disabilities you have factor into this. Yes, I believe if someone else were in your situation, they'd also feel like you. I just meant that I personally have never experienced any envy problems or other mental problems as bad as yours, so it's not possible for me to fully comprehend it, especially the way you view me as "a god" compared to you.
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I didn't think you were downplaying.
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It's a real person. She's not hostile to me, in fact I'm even upset that I can't be as kind and grounded as her. I feel that this conspiracy is from higher forces, which seem very interested in me for some reason.
It's
@N, if you want to see for yourself that I am not lying or hallucinating.
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Thanks for clarifying, the wording in your previous post left it open to interpretation. I have looked a bit through her profile and read your interaction here.
You seem to idolise her a lot, which is great. We should all have someone better to look up to and strive to emulate. Unfortunately you seem to have given up on the latter part, judging it as impossible, understandably leaving you sour at the situation. Why is that? Why give up trying be better when you're also disappointed at yourself for failing? Why prevent yourself from improving your own life and instead choose to be upset at someone else?
Also, I do not mean to alarm you, but seeing things as a grande conspiracy to specifically target you might be something you should bring up to a therapist or psychiatrist if you haven't done so already. If that is a thought that regularly occupies you, it might be wise to discuss with someone more qualified
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Life is more of a caste system than we are willing to admit. Despite allowing for social mobility, the real factor is genetics, which is fixed at birth no matter how much luck one is afforded after. Everything wrong with me, my lack of talent and all 2 trillion mental illnesses, is directly caused by genetics. Since I am not a robot that can be reprogrammed or transferred between devices, these parts of my life are immutable. The only options are trying to accept it (impossible) or living a comfortable lie like a
(not effective on me).
I have tried everything. The toxic positivity mentality that dominates today's society only leads to victim blaming (since we apparently choose to be happy, therefore anyone who isn't must be choosing not to be). This makes it next to impossible to get any help, because everyone goes straight to this positivity crap and then turns me away when I "refuse" to cooperate. I suppose most people can't handle the fact that they really have no say in their own wellbeing, owing it all to factors outside of their control, and that many if not most others end up doomed with no hope. I mean try telling someone in a concentration camp in North Korea to "just think positive."
I suppose I am a bit of a schizo. There's a long lineage of women on one side of my family being mentally ill and paranoid. But, a lot of my "paranoid" predictions end up coming true (reddit cabal, ruqqus cabal, several government & corporate conspiracies, soon WWIII & American Civil War), so maybe "schizophrenia" is just a way to dispose of unpopular opinions? I will admit I'm over the top when it comes to me specifically though. At the very least I usually take things too personally. But it's important to remember that this matrix conspiracy affects all of us; if I'm of any great importance, it's probably only because I'm one of the few who are aware of it. I think we're held back primarily by brainwashing and exhaustion; and when brainwashing fails on people like me, the operators resort to extreme stress and gaslamping. My whole life has been one big gaslamping operation for years, beginning around the time I began questioning deep things. I even busted a loop of events I've been through several times, which I subsequently tested and the matrix noticed and tried to get me to continue with it (eventually it forced me through just barely). If you really think about it, it makes no sense for this universe to be "real" in any meaningful sense. Where is it coming from? I think we actually do live in a machine, which several people have caught glimpses of like this. I know I never had an experience like that, but it feels really eerily familiar to me, and I'm hardly the only one. Whatever it is it's VERY bad if it's true, I suspect it may even be what we call the devil. In any case it's clearly demonic in origin, which shows in its compassionless "mechanical" nature. And there's a decent number of hints in the Bible that our world IS what people call Heck, and that it's run by demons. Suddenly all sorts of religious concepts from all over the world are compatible with each other and make sense in modern times. But this has been suppressed for centuries, and the masses are convinced of pagan notions of "Heaven and Heck" and that we need saved from a future event rather than our current condition, which is utterly perfect and must never be criticized. It's a lot harder to escape from a prison you don't even realize you're in. I know this all sounds crazy but if you even give it a moment's consideration it makes sense. People are in denial, the truth frightening and they prefer to live a comfortable delusion, and dislike anyone who threatens to shatter it.
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I respectfully disagree with your view on what you call "the real factor". Of course, genetics play an important role in what kind of person you can become, and sometimes our physical limitations may seem like a burden, but that also very much depends on your perspective. One person might lose a leg and give up their dream of running professionally, while another one decides to slap on a prosthetic and d dedicates their life to developing even better running aids. What to one is a hard limit, a full stop, is a range for the next. A field to explore and make their own. Your body might not be able to sufficiently regulate your serotonin levels on its own (as an example for physically induced depression), but it still is on you to decide whether to wallow in self pity or take medication that balances your hormone levels.
That is said without knowing exactly what "2 trillion mental illnesses" you have, yes, and perhaps there aren't always convenient and easy solutions such as supplements or a dietary change for everything that plagues you. The question is: Have you ever wanted to find out about that, though? Or is it more comfortable to give up control to an outside factor?
Schizophrenia, in my understanding, is puzzling everything that happens in or around your life into one giant plot that somehow centers on your person. The guy asking you for the time on your walk this morning did not smile out of politeness or because he is friendly, it was actually meant as a secret nod from the agent investigating the time machine you are building in your cellar. You are also one of the few people who figured out how to build a successful prototype and that is why they need you, the random basement dweller whose most accomplished work probably resembles more of a potato powered clock than anything breaking apart time and space. In your mind it all makes sense, though, and this machine is, of course, more than it looks like. You then continue to vlog for the rest of your days, every passing day driving deeper into the story you made up, getting lost in all the details until barely anyone is able to comprehend your way of thinking anymore. What started with a physics experiment probably turned into incoherent ramblings about Hollywood paedophiles at around vlog #267. That is schizophrenia.
I'm not saying this lightly, but consider this: We went from an online friend who surpassed you at art to the matrix to "this world is the biblical heck" all in the span of two messages. If you ever believed schizophrenia to be a real affliction, I reiterate: Maybe it would be wise to seek more qualified advice here. Or have someone get you in contact with a shrink.
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I already have seen professionals, and it all still boils down to toxic positivity and how to wear a smile despite how I'm really feeling. It's difficult to get to the point where they're willing to consider medication, and I was still a kid back then so I had to hide a lot of my struggles to avoid being punished for it. On top of that, one of my parents is paranoid about possible side effects from medication and would rather see me suffer through life than risk that (and yes I would still be given heck for disobeying even though I'm an adult, and so would other family members). About 2 years ago I finally managed to get about the lightest medication ever. It helps, but just barely.
I'm an adult, but a very young one and not at the age where most people are completely independent yet. I don't think I'm in anywhere near a stable enough condition to be independent on top of school and other obligations. And like I said before, that doesn't matter much in my family, my one parent will not stop fighting anyone until they finally give in. My entire family is also in big time denial that anything bad could ever happen to their favorite kid (I was the only child in my whole extended family in my area for quite a while), so I'm not allowed to speak up or even vent because my life is always perfect so I have nothing to complain about. Me being in perpetual heck is the greatest nightmare they can imagine, and they can't let it be true. I'm also considered "gifted" (bullshit, I used to be but then stuff happened), and people don't seem to think it's possible for a smart person to be mentally ill. I'm also supposedly a good person (also bullshit), and according to the just world hypothesis that everyone except me believes, bad things only happen to bad people. There's just too much stigma against mental health right now, even from professionals. The political climate doesn't help either, because if any illnesses are genetic or caused by physical factors, it's harder to claim that it's {insert political scapegoat here}'s fault. Everything has to be explained entirely by social factors and identity politics. For example, trans people aren't suffering from a tragic disorder, they're "oppressed"; this mentality goes so far that those with gender dysphoria are accused of "internalized transphobia". I'm glad we're steering clear of ableism and giving people like me a chance, but it's harder than ever to get much-needed help.
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clarifying. approximately
Redditors not convinced: .
The Reddit post is a (now removed) /r/frickthealtright post making fun of the fact that drumpf couldn't get a border wall while Biden negotiated a 1.5 billion dollar deal with Mexico for them to enforce border security (he got them to pay for it
).
Well, one thing that might be worth mentioning is that much of the Israeli land of the original deal was uninhabitable desert without any natural resources. So phrasing it like Israel got over half the land despite being a smaller population is a bit disingenuous. I'm sure the Israelis would gladly have traded the Negev for Jerusalem or some other livable/productive land. phrasing synonym?
From the article. lol. im noticing. are you serious. Now we go into the menslib reactions.
. . lol. least classist mayo foid 
. this is who moderates menslib 
. when you 
but still have to 
. even when evidence is dumped on your face yet you cannot and do not notice 有眼不識泰山 
. 
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