i say this dead serious. my phantom kitty issues have gotten a lot worse recently. what the heck do i do? this is really deranged but it's like I know what it feels like to get peepeeed down and I absolutely need that rn. i started crying while making out with my fwb because i could feel her peepee rubbing up against my crotch and i just really wanted to put it into a hole that i dont have. im just wayyy to close to ending my life over this shit.
the horny is getting overwhelming. i'm nervous that all of the men in my life are going to notice that ive been checking them out. wtf do i do !cuteandvalid
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I know I'm still horrified by my puberty changes years and years after the fact, and I honestly can't even picture myself the way I am. And everything in general feels like shit, things are the wrong shape, I'm missing certain parts and have extra of other parts, my mood and hormonal responses are unbearable, it's like a nightmare. Even my senses and even my brain are sabotaging me.
It wasn't until much later that I realized pretty much everything that feels wrong or even just off about my current self is a sexually dimorphic trait. That can't be a coincidence.
But as a brutally honest realist, I don't buy any of the supposed solutions other than the 41%. They all boil down to the same toxic positivity crap that's basically "repeat a comfy lie until you believe it". I'm glad that sort of works for a lot of people, but it's completely hopeless for me. That's also why therapy has never been effective on me, because 95% of it is the same thing.
I hate to say it, but I think the lack of natural selection in advanced civilization has made us genetically weak and disease-ridden. Instead of blaming the victims, perhaps consider that increasing amounts of each new generation are simply born that way, and then reproduce in even greater numbers. I don't really believe that a miserable life is worth living unless you have a goal or responsibility to fulfill, so I really kind of think it was better when the weak and losers of the genetic lottery were culled early on. It's tragic, but I think the alternative is worse. If you're not fit for this world it's an injustice to have to be here.
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Here is a short, non-exhaustive list of every dimorphic quality in humans I can think of off the top of my head:
Your genes, the pairs of which determine your appearance and how your body works. Your brain, and the way it is structured, the amount of gray and white matter and where it is located, which parts of it are more or less developed. Your internal organs and the endocrinological system that results from/works with them. Various tissues that are also s*x specific (like the tissue that covers the uterus logically is absent in males), even your skin displays an unique pattern, diamond-like in men, parallel lines in women, resulting from the underlying muscle types of which men have fibers that contract faster and women those that contract slower. Due to different proportions there's also a difference in how these muscles connect to your bones and where, how effective certain motions are for you. The position of your larynx varies, making your voice either higher or lower pitched, your nails are more fragile if you are female, harder if you are male, the number of colour receptors inside your eyes varies with your s*x and thus how you perceive the world around you. The same way your internal reproductive organs vary, so do your external ones, breasts and genitalia being obvious. The male pelvis is very narrow, as it does not have to push babies through it, the female one is wide, round and open to the bottom for this exact reason. Adjacent to your hips you have the greater trochanter of your femur, the angle from it to the disc of your knee is -likewise- narrow in males, broader in females. For the upper body it's the opposite, broader in males, more slender in females, from the ribcage to the head. Also, remember what I said about brain structure? It affects pretty much the entire way you think and how you behave, from sexual preference to what details stick out to you in memory.
To be frank, I don't think there is any individual part of the human body you could confidently say is entirely unisex. Do I think it's a coincidence your body issues all relate to dimorphic qualities? Given the human race is one of the most dimorphic species on this planet, yes, there is a high likelihood if you don't like something about your body it will be something that looks different on the other s*x.
That does not automatically mean you were meant to be different. But it should give you reason to explore your feelings. Why do you want to be different so bad? How do you know you'd feel happier if you were born another way? You never had the chance to compare, but tell me what you hope it would do. Once you understand your motivations you can work on finding solutions... Or at least come to peace with knowing an answer, why you behave the way you do, and what else you can do to make yourself better.
I had to learn this the hard way, hence my advice to tb. It's not meant to encourage living in blind positivity, but to live until you know yourself more. Appreciate your limits and work within them. Judging by your words, by your unwillingness to go with a comforting lie, I think we're on the same page here.
Don't just give up because you perceive yourself as weak. Your attitude plays an important role in life, and this kind of thinking is setting it up into throwing it away.
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What I expect to see and feel almost always matches the female-typical quality. Whether I know it does or not. Even the tiniest things like the shape of my hands and fingers. I don't feel that my mind is working properly anymore either, nor my senses. Everything is terrible, there's no hope with something like this. I can't stress enough, there is not hope for everyone.
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What is it that makes you prefer feminine hands and fingers over your own? Do you like smaller, more slender hands? Or do you just dislike your own very much? Could you think of reasons why? It's a bit like explaining your favourite colour. It seems silly at first to justify your taste, but if you think about it there could be a reason or reasons that have led to your preference.
If you don't feel that strongly about that body part of yours and it was just an example, feel free to apply it to anything else, or being female in general.
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They don't feel like mine, and I also dislike them. I'm basically dead, this is someone else's life.
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Someone else's life? Is it your body you would like to change or is there something more that bothers you about your situation? If you could, what would your ideal life look like?
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My body is one thing. Another is how I'm not talented at all. It doesn't matter how much I try, I'm not good enough to achieve any of my goals in a reasonable timeframe. Another is how mentally ill and burdened I am in general.
To top it all off, there's someone out there who's nearly identical to me (to the point where I can almost remember being her), but lacking most of my problems and so talented that she can produce a basically flawless product in any field even without prior experience. I used to have some of that, but as soon as I hit puberty it all drained away for some reason. Now all I have left is grit and determination, which doesn't get you far on its own. I kind of think this other person was allowed to have certain things specifically to rub in what's happened to me.
I always go to sleep hoping I won't wake up again, and I always start each new day with dread. Even the few good things I ever had all turn out to be wolves in sheep's clothing sooner or later. I've really lost any faith I had that anything good exists in this world, at least for me.
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Not to sound condescending, but never being satisfied with your work is a struggle many creatives/artists can relate to. Comparing yourself to others and getting frustrated at the gap of skill is another one. You have to remember what you are creating for/what makes your hobby fun to you. Is it purely because you need to prove something? Or was there ever something else that pushed you forward? What was it?
Who is this other person? Are we speaking of a friend, real or imaginary? Is it some vague sort of memories, a dream, a fantasy? And why would anyone want to hurt you in this personal kind of way? It seems you'd have to know someone pretty well in order to get at them like that, to know your feelings about puberty and your association with loss over it. Were you good friends or do you think it could have been happenstance and things just got to you?
Also, if you really feel this way, what gets you up regardless? Is there something that makes your time worthwhile?
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Hi. I am NotYou, an online friend/acquaintance of
@CrystalVulpine. 
CrystalVulpine has felt envious of me for approximately 3 years. I don't quite understand it myself. I don't think we were close when he first started feeling this way.
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It's a real person. She's not hostile to me, in fact I'm even upset that I can't be as kind and grounded as her. I feel that this conspiracy is from higher forces, which seem very interested in me for some reason.
It's
@N, if you want to see for yourself that I am not lying or hallucinating.
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