i say this dead serious. my phantom kitty issues have gotten a lot worse recently. what the heck do i do? this is really deranged but it's like I know what it feels like to get peepeeed down and I absolutely need that rn. i started crying while making out with my fwb because i could feel her peepee rubbing up against my crotch and i just really wanted to put it into a hole that i dont have. im just wayyy to close to ending my life over this shit.
the horny is getting overwhelming. i'm nervous that all of the men in my life are going to notice that ive been checking them out. wtf do i do !cuteandvalid
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PERMISSION TO C*m In SIde A Women -- APPLICANT #12492-CX-2: DENIED
You AMay Only C*m In DESIRGNATED CumBox/MOBile C*m Recovery Vehicle MCRV. UNAuTHORIZED """"CREAM PIEING""" PUnishable By You Can't SLowStroke In, Public AnyMore.
PERMISSION TO TOOT/FARt/SPLUTTER (SHART Ok) -- APPICANT #53223-MT-1: GRANTED
EnJoy YOu're Have A GOod Toot Happy Friday. Thx;
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i thought you liked men
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im bisexual
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Have you ever imagined an axe cutting into your shoulder? I have and I swear I know what it feels like even though its never happened to me. This is not an axewound joke I'm just trying to say that your ability to imagine it probably has little significance other than fueling your dysphoria. I think its probably best for you to attempt to focus less on s*x and related acts and maybe try to come to terms with your body as it is. I think what helps me stabilize my mood the most is spending more time doing insignificant things like cleaning/reorganizing my room or going for walks. Maybe write your thoughts down in a journal if you aren't already.
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You're asking us to accept constant misery with no hope of it ever ending, and something almost no one else has to suffer. Yeah maybe it's possible to overcome, but that's probably a feat only a select few people could accomplish. I don't think other people understand the implications of perpetual torment, even if seemingly mild.
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What else is there to do? I mean you can't change your fate, as unfortunate as that is, so the only other option is to deal with it. I'm not saying you should stop being transgender, I just think its better to come to terms with you to come to terms with your physical condition as the alternative is a great deal of suffering and resorting to unnatural treatments that don't even work as far as I can tell (surgeries are certainly just harmful). I get it can seem impossible to do what I ask, but I think its to your benefit to try. Spending more time with others and finding new hobbies or spending more time on your hobbies will help you find more meaning in your life than your gender. Beyond that, over time you will change and that will change your perspective and that will probably help you as well. Most important is to not commit suicide as, once you do that, your life will 100% not get better. These are my views on it, at least, feel free to disregard if you like
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Even if we assume suicide results in absolute nothingness (logically impossible), that's still better than a negative experience.
There's reasons I can't do it, but it would make sense.
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You claim that its logically impossible for suicide to result in nothingness, but isn't the likeliest scenario that it has a negative result meaning it could be worse than a negative experience?
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I don't plan on coming back to heck
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Just pretend your butthole is one?
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its not the same
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It's not the same, and there are serious health risks with it
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The men in your life absolutely know you've been checking them out, as I'm sure you were already doing that before transitioning.
You don't need a fronthole to get "peepeeed down". You just need a hookup app and low standards.
Edit: me in /h/transgender post exile:
Edit2:
@transb-word thanks babe 
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huh you wanna be a marsey ???same !!c
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I don't want to cross any boundaries that would make me sound like a weird chaser, and I don't know if you're comfortable with having others talk about your s*x life like this, but I'm curious:
What is your experience with prostate stimulation or receiving anal?
I'm sorry if this question bothers you or sounds condescending btw
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Prostate simulation is nice. Anal hurts too much
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Gay lol
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It's not gay, not even in the "soyboy" sense. It's been demonstrated to be several times better, simple as that.
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This honestly seems more like a logistics issue than a trans dilemma. Albiet I'm not trans but there are many things from which an extrapolation can be transposed unto various predicaments.
This is gonna sound weird but have you tried eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before meeting with your fwb?
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I dont get it what does PB&J have to do with any of this
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It ties in. You'd perhaps be quite surprised how extraordinary of an influence immediate dietary factors play into the mind while in a sexual context.
In my observations, empirically done mind you, I'd at this point be able to argue that certain dietary needs have direct correlations to certain sexual desires (or even entire fetishes). In an attempt to transpose my experience to yours, and combining elements of what I have observed, I suspect that peanut butter and bread will drastically reduce the feeling that you described.
It's trivial to test this yourself. Buy a pack of strawberry uncrustables. Buy some good orange juice.
Test the theory for several of the encounters. The risk of a placebo would not be relevant/significant for you here (I think).
The only thing to keep in mind is to not be full prior to hanging out. Allow for your natural hunger to prompt you to eat, and simply choose the uncrustables/orange juice as your choice of meal. And do not share this with your partner. (I mean u can share the uncrustables but not what neurodivergent thing you're trying that you read about on the gay cat website lol)
I highly suspect that the feeling you described will either be nonexistent or so low that you'd only perceive it because you're testing for it.
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What dietary needs are associated with an extremely strong kink for being tied up and left for long periods of time? As a sort of captive or prisoner or hostage, not a bdsm s*x dungeon slave.
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idk if that's dietary.. sounds like abandonment issues or something
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Does this look like abandonment issues to you?
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yeah it does, I'm even more confident about my guess now that I see this image
what is that a camera just scanning her face?
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If you're referring to the red marks, those are just guide lines. I haven't finished this.
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What camera? I'm sure there's security cameras everywhere, but no one is staring at me.
I'm very picky about these situations. If it were merely "abandonment issues" there's no reason to put me in that restrictive of a position. Look at me, I can barely move. Merely locking me in a room would be enough to deal with "abandonment issues".
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so abandonment issues, and, whatever compells a person to feel restrained
kinda goes hand-in-hand regardless but maybe the lewd nature of the bondage reaffirms that the captor plans to return.
Idk I'm not a psychologist tho lol
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Can't even imagine
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buy a magic wand and give up on stroking or something idk
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Left house today on Kellere's drugged recommendation. Sunlight brighter than I remember. Hurts eyes; skin. Paused to examine strange, Marsey-like creature lazing in next door garden, when elderly neighbour greeted me with "Good morning". A good sign: outside people growing increasingly woke on gussy question.
Before returning to attempted categorization of :marseygarden:, took opportunity to ask neighbour his thoughts Re: trains. In response he recommended an autism helpline, no doubt coyly referencing AGP phenomenon. Decided he was too much of a ruqqoid to be worth inviting to rdrama. Perhaps baitable? Will fetch cumjar and return to garden later.
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There is no point in being upset at things you have no control over. This is not meant as dismissal of your feelings, no one can take that from you, but advice to change your focus. Maybe one of the reasons you are feeling upset is exactly because it is impossible for you to take action against it (without ending up a live experiment or mad scientist). There are countless other things you could be doing where your input matters and in the end you can feel accomplished, like painting or crafting in general... or, well, experimenting with your bussy in this case, I guess, lol
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Only possible way forward that I see is either that I miraculously have PMDS, or I find a way to regenerate the Mullerian ducts from their remnants, then somehow trigger their development. Problem is there seems to be no literature on regeneration of the Mullerian ducts.
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I wonder why... Did you, -or have you considered- talking to a therapist who does not push for body modification? Have you considered what would be the best outcome if you achieved what you wanted, and what would be the worst? Would anything truly change in your life if you had internal structures similar to those of a woman? How do you know the thing you want is what you'd be happy with? You never had an uterus before, or anything of the sort. What do you imagine it would be like, what would it add to your life? Could you add that in any other way?
What if it goes wrong? Are you aware of any risks? Do you think you could live with these complications? Do you care if you die? If you have to suffer physical, and possibly mental, pain from these invasive experiments? Why do you, or why do you not?
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I know I'm still horrified by my puberty changes years and years after the fact, and I honestly can't even picture myself the way I am. And everything in general feels like shit, things are the wrong shape, I'm missing certain parts and have extra of other parts, my mood and hormonal responses are unbearable, it's like a nightmare. Even my senses and even my brain are sabotaging me.
It wasn't until much later that I realized pretty much everything that feels wrong or even just off about my current self is a sexually dimorphic trait. That can't be a coincidence.
But as a brutally honest realist, I don't buy any of the supposed solutions other than the 41%. They all boil down to the same toxic positivity crap that's basically "repeat a comfy lie until you believe it". I'm glad that sort of works for a lot of people, but it's completely hopeless for me. That's also why therapy has never been effective on me, because 95% of it is the same thing.
I hate to say it, but I think the lack of natural selection in advanced civilization has made us genetically weak and disease-ridden. Instead of blaming the victims, perhaps consider that increasing amounts of each new generation are simply born that way, and then reproduce in even greater numbers. I don't really believe that a miserable life is worth living unless you have a goal or responsibility to fulfill, so I really kind of think it was better when the weak and losers of the genetic lottery were culled early on. It's tragic, but I think the alternative is worse. If you're not fit for this world it's an injustice to have to be here.
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Here is a short, non-exhaustive list of every dimorphic quality in humans I can think of off the top of my head:
Your genes, the pairs of which determine your appearance and how your body works. Your brain, and the way it is structured, the amount of gray and white matter and where it is located, which parts of it are more or less developed. Your internal organs and the endocrinological system that results from/works with them. Various tissues that are also s*x specific (like the tissue that covers the uterus logically is absent in males), even your skin displays an unique pattern, diamond-like in men, parallel lines in women, resulting from the underlying muscle types of which men have fibers that contract faster and women those that contract slower. Due to different proportions there's also a difference in how these muscles connect to your bones and where, how effective certain motions are for you. The position of your larynx varies, making your voice either higher or lower pitched, your nails are more fragile if you are female, harder if you are male, the number of colour receptors inside your eyes varies with your s*x and thus how you perceive the world around you. The same way your internal reproductive organs vary, so do your external ones, breasts and genitalia being obvious. The male pelvis is very narrow, as it does not have to push babies through it, the female one is wide, round and open to the bottom for this exact reason. Adjacent to your hips you have the greater trochanter of your femur, the angle from it to the disc of your knee is -likewise- narrow in males, broader in females. For the upper body it's the opposite, broader in males, more slender in females, from the ribcage to the head. Also, remember what I said about brain structure? It affects pretty much the entire way you think and how you behave, from sexual preference to what details stick out to you in memory.
To be frank, I don't think there is any individual part of the human body you could confidently say is entirely unisex. Do I think it's a coincidence your body issues all relate to dimorphic qualities? Given the human race is one of the most dimorphic species on this planet, yes, there is a high likelihood if you don't like something about your body it will be something that looks different on the other s*x.
That does not automatically mean you were meant to be different. But it should give you reason to explore your feelings. Why do you want to be different so bad? How do you know you'd feel happier if you were born another way? You never had the chance to compare, but tell me what you hope it would do. Once you understand your motivations you can work on finding solutions... Or at least come to peace with knowing an answer, why you behave the way you do, and what else you can do to make yourself better.
I had to learn this the hard way, hence my advice to tb. It's not meant to encourage living in blind positivity, but to live until you know yourself more. Appreciate your limits and work within them. Judging by your words, by your unwillingness to go with a comforting lie, I think we're on the same page here.
Don't just give up because you perceive yourself as weak. Your attitude plays an important role in life, and this kind of thinking is setting it up into throwing it away.
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What I expect to see and feel almost always matches the female-typical quality. Whether I know it does or not. Even the tiniest things like the shape of my hands and fingers. I don't feel that my mind is working properly anymore either, nor my senses. Everything is terrible, there's no hope with something like this. I can't stress enough, there is not hope for everyone.
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What is it that makes you prefer feminine hands and fingers over your own? Do you like smaller, more slender hands? Or do you just dislike your own very much? Could you think of reasons why? It's a bit like explaining your favourite colour. It seems silly at first to justify your taste, but if you think about it there could be a reason or reasons that have led to your preference.
If you don't feel that strongly about that body part of yours and it was just an example, feel free to apply it to anything else, or being female in general.
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They don't feel like mine, and I also dislike them. I'm basically dead, this is someone else's life.
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Someone else's life? Is it your body you would like to change or is there something more that bothers you about your situation? If you could, what would your ideal life look like?
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Next time you need surgery try it without any anesthesia or medications. Don't worry, it won't hurt, you can just ignore the pain right?
Please don't actually do that. It would be a horrific experience no matter how strong your will is. This new age toxic positivity cult does nothing but make excuses to blame victims. It's a way for people to remain in denial about the fact that they have little control over their lives, and it's also a coping mechanism for empathetic people when they see others struggling.
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It seems like a great deal of your life revolves around s*x and sexuality. Is that the case? How often do you and your friends talk about s*x, trade porn or lewd pics, talk about hooking up, maybe even having fairly active porn channels on groomercord, stuff like that?
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I'm not a degenerate lmao. I don't use porn, and neither do any of my friends (nearly all cis women). Sharing porn is kinda weird desu. We don't send each other lewd pics either, I mean come on, we're friends, not a fricking polycule. We talk about normal people shit.
I post about s*x a lot on here because it's the thing that I've been dysphoric over. I pass pretty well so my sexual organs are the big deal for me rn. This has been happening because I've been very horny recently and it's wanting me want to be penetrated in my non-existent kitty.
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I wouldn't get the big surgery except as a last resort. There are alternative ways to have a "female" orgasm, and actually it's not even really a trans thing; though that might explain why I could never quite quench my urges before.
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If it's a physical issue (and it sounds like it is) that won't work.
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