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Have you ever had s*x? No? Well, theres no need to be ashamed. Because there is no such thing as s*x as it is impossible. You see, girls actually don't have vaginas. They just pretend they do so they can promise us something of great pleasure when they can't and won't even give it.

"Oh but what about porn where people have s*x?" you say? Well, its just carefully edited cgi as such activities are impossible with the human body. And your friends? They are just lying to look cool. Oh but where do babies come from? Space. No, hear me out. When an asteroid crashed into the earth millions of years ago, ending the dinosaur age, we, as illegal aliens landed on earth. The viruses we brough killed off all our predators and enabled us to live the perfect life. And when we proved we were living a stable life in the form of a "family" we were sent a baby from out home world as a gift.

I know its very hard to take in. But how else would you explain us not being able to have s*x for this long? If it really did exist we should have been able to do it by now.