chud larper reslly weote all thst lmao how to deal with extreme jealousy towards cis women?

this has been bugging me for a while but i think it might not be a good idea to tell irl ppl about this (bad reactions in the past). I know jealousy towards cis women is pretty common for women to feel but I have this extreme jealousy-almost anger-towards my cis coworker.

she is everything I want to be and more. She's Swedish/Japanese and speaks both fluently, she has a gorgeous feminine child like face, small delicate hands and feet, shes small and skinny but somehow still has boobs/butt?? she constantly smells so good and feminine, her hair so long and shiny, everything about her is so ultra feminine it triggers the FRICK out of me whenever I have to interact with her.

I cannot stop internally hating this girl even though she's super sweet and talented. I have dreams where we wake up and our bodies our switched, she cries and screams when she realizes she is no longer in her body but in mine. My big awkward body that will never look feminine or attractive. I get so much joy from knowing that I took her body away from her and she is stuck in mine. Its weird I know I am seeing my therapist about this.

I just can't get over how unfair it is. She was so blessed with looks and femininity.

deep down I hate this girl. I day dream about doing bad things to her and it scares me. I would never actually do anything IRL but the way she inflicts so much pain on me by making me feel so ugly, worthless, and masculine sends me into a fricking rage. I can't shake this feeling of being "wronged" by her existence and needing to get "revenge". Again, I would NEVER act on it but I cannot shake these feelings.

I need advice please, or sympathy please. I just want to be a fricking cute small girl this life is not fricking fair