I don't know what really do tell her. This is why so often transition leads to the breakup of a relationship. You can't cure transphobia, and you can't live a lie to placate them.
/u/pinhead2603, I don't see a way for both you to thrive and your marriage to survive. You should let your wife know that the marriage is on the precipice and give her an ultimatum, but you can't cure transphobia.
!cuteandvalid although it doesn't feel like it, you young transitioners are truly blessed.
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