I was asked recently by a new friend (legacy foid) "are you gay?" 
I was taken a back a bit but had to share it around with my friends because it was a funny L. 
The more I got to thinking though it made sense why she asked me this. 
My first and only relationship was with a MtF trans woman 
, this is a known thing in my friend group and is occasionally brought up as a funny joke. 
Back then I was having a pretty rough go at it (unemployed NEET for a while, eventually getting a respectable wagie job) and predated my walk with Jesus 
At the time I was fully on board with the woke koolaid and was even involved in leftoid organizing 
legitmately would state I was in a 
straight relationship and of course that trans women are women.
This is all preamble to state my only sexual and romantic encounters in my life have been with a (crazy) biological man 
Where does that leave me now?
I have put in exactly zero effort into further romantic encounters even though my current life trajectory is looking up. I'm hoping to buy a house this year and have been working as a professional sys admin for over a year 
But I'm coming to a realization I enjoy the company of men significantly more than women. 
Historically I've had few inter-personal relationship with unrelated women and only recently have had significant discussions with women as my friends slowly pair up 
Usually they're very gracious when we speak and we have a decent repertoire - I've heard from multiple women that "I'm a great conversationalist", which took me aback 
However, eventually I'll make a faux pas and suddenly I'm caught between a long time friend and a miffed woman.
I don't enjoy this. 
Usually these awkward moments last for days to weeks and I'll obsess over what I did "wrong" to better prepare for future situations. 
I've never had experiences like this with men, and I know a lot of men. 
The other factor complicating this is childhood sexual abuse I faced from a friend's older brother at 9. It wasn't until I was much older that I was able to confront this and I worry that caused the germ of my homosexual tendencies. 
This leads me to my current conundrum that according to all my research the Bible is quite explicit that homosexual behavior is disordered and not God's will. To me this either means I'm not gay and perhaps need to interact with the "right" woman or perhaps I'm destined to be like Paul and remain celibate.
Hopefully God can give me an answer soon 
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You didn't really say anything about what you're sexually into, and it doesn't really sound like you're yearning for a husband either, so I'd almost wonder if you are mostly asexual or one of the other zoomer identities. You don't sound repulsed by s*x and romance, it just sounds like it's something you know people do, and you might do sometimes but it isn't really a priority.
If you are flexible, and receptive to straight marriage, I wouldn't rule it out. Children and family are rewarding things, and marital love is more about mutual care and willing duty than the initial spark. Not being starstruck by gussy doesn't mean you should just stay single forever.
Of course, single life can be fine, and if you're spiritually capable of it, it may be better (Matthew 19:11-12). But I'd also caution against saying "I'm happy being single" at (for example) 25 when you might be terribly lonely at 35. I'm currently happy as a single moid, but as I think about my future I realize I don't want to stay this way forever. So that means making some changes even absent an urgent desire to pair up.
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thank you for the perspective
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