How to truly forgive

I've talked about this before and I'm open about it, but I was sexual abused for many months at the age of 8 years old.

To this day my sexuality is extremely disordered. I had a decades long struggle with suicidal depression in late childhood through early adulthood, until I came clean with a therapist when i was 20 or so and started on a finally successful cocktail of meds.

I've also been addicted to pornography since I was 13 which I'm still having trouble breaking.

I hadn't thought of the person who abused me in decades, i moved and was no longer around them soon after, but an old friend recently mentioned them in a business context.

I pondered- why not throw my life away and kill them?

It wasn't a particularly serious thought, but the capacity to have such an emotion has shook my ego quite a bit.

How do I order my heart to forgive someone for this?

I am very good at formalizing logical and rational beliefs but I am lost at truly controlling my hearts whims.