I've talked about this before and I'm open about it, but I was sexual abused for many months at the age of 8 years old.
To this day my sexuality is extremely disordered. I had a decades long struggle with suicidal depression in late childhood through early adulthood, until I came clean with a therapist when i was 20 or so and started on a finally successful cocktail of meds.
I've also been addicted to pornography since I was 13 which I'm still having trouble breaking.
I hadn't thought of the person who abused me in decades, i moved and was no longer around them soon after, but an old friend recently mentioned them in a business context.
I pondered- why not throw my life away and kill them?
It wasn't a particularly serious thought, but the capacity to have such an emotion has shook my ego quite a bit.
How do I order my heart to forgive someone for this?
I am very good at formalizing logical and rational beliefs but I am lost at truly controlling my hearts whims.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I used to be Catholic. But now I am faithless and have made morally wrong choices in many aspects of my life because the outcome on the mortal plane was favorable to me. I am, in almost all certainty, going to heck.
Even so, I am content in almost all aspects of my life. On a purely materialistic level without bringing sin into it, you can use something like pascal's wager:
If you kill them your heart will not know peace. Heaping trauma upon trauma isn't going to fix it, neither is forfeiting your life
If you somehow manage to forgive them, or at least heal enough where you could move on (some acts are imo unforgivable) then you have a chance at leading a normal life
The unfortunate part is that they absolutely deserve to be murdered
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Thank you for your perspective, I always enjoy your posts
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I hope you find peace, friend
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context