We sit in a darkened auditorium. You, me, that HBomberGuy, countless other youtubers and "had it on cd-rom" hipsters.
Todd Howard strides back and forth on the brightly lit stage. He stares intently, menacingly, triumphantly. He is nude and erect, his body is oiled and glistening. Clips from Fallout the TV series are projected behind him.
He brings the microphone to his mouth and begins to slowly stroke himself. "Ok frickos, you want real Fallout. Huh? You smarmy pieces of shit. Here it is. There's the camera, we got Grognak, we're even gonna stop here for like 30 seconds to point out the goddarn circuit board. That's real Fallout. To millions of normal people who didn't pirate the game, real Fallout is being reminded of shit they have vague positive memories of."
He moves faster, stalking. His strokes intensify. "B-b-but T-t-todd, dats not how the Brotherhood of Steel works, der supposed to be noonced. Black Isle, Black Isle, Black Isle. Frick you and your edgy little content ghetto. Non-bankrupt companies have good guys, cash-flow positive companies have relatable hero origin stories. Mr. Bill doesn't come to shit heel bloggers for his ROI. He comes here, to Big Money..."
"ooo, ooo, ooo. Todd sucks, Todd Sucks, Todd sucks."
He faces the crowd. His eyes gleam. His muscles are tight and his repressed lips break into a broad sneer. "Suck on this b-word. I killed it. Retfrickingconned! UgggghAAHHhh" His muscles spasm, his stroke are hard and hectic. "My pen Muuughhh is like the finger of God eeAAghhhh effortlessly erasing 12 years of your fricking Uggggghhhh BULLSHIT!." His erection releases a spurt of ejaculate that lands on the stage 3 feet in front of him. He gulps air like a nearly drowned man, his glare in unfocused... Slowly his breathing begins to normalize.
"FRICK YOU!" He hurls the microphone into the crowd. He stomps off the stage.
Bethesda Poohbah says not reconned: https://x.com/Dezinuh/status/1778470928105533825
/r/fnv doesn't give a shit: https://old.reddit.com/r/fnv/comments/1c1oe6z/huh_so_were_back/
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They put the Brotherhood in a worse light than any of Bethesda's games and that's a good thing.
I'm not ashamed to admit Michael Rapaport's cameo got my peepee hard.
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