VIDYA TRANSED MY CHILD

The oldest among you may remember the tumultous year of 1972, when the video game Pong was released, unleashing a torrent of violence that drowned the world in blood . Ever since then, video games have been a scourge. The release of Pacman in 1990 inspired the formation of a cannibal cult in Florida that kidnapped and consumed unsuspecting victims. Grand Theft Auto induced a spike in car thefts among the 7-12 demographic . Hundreds of millions were inspired by Halo's religious fanatics to join ISIS (see @MoonMetropolis). Anti-video game campaigner Jack Thompson literally died.

Now, a new threat has emerged: computer games are transing our children. The author identifies the most serious offender as Minecraft , but studies indicate Angry Birds is also a possibility (It really says this. I didn't make that up ). Furthermore, any RPG has the potential to trans your child. All computer games must be banned as soon as possible. In the meantime, I highly recommend preventing any kids who have not yet been captured from playing such intoxicating games as Minecraft , Roblox , or any other such dangerous, ideologically captured media .