The Grandaddy of Millennial fan theorizing just had an aneurysm.

Ahem

Long ago, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before you had to have a high level of Autism to truly understand the timeline shenanigans of Richard and Mortimer.

(until they basically explained everything like two seasons ago, right around the time Justin Roiland was trying to bang 15 year olds)

Also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before FromSoft drove people nuts with vague bullshit in their tooltips, item filler and NPC babble for their games.

Yet right round the time GRRM was actually writing his books and not actively avoiding them, while fans theorized like a motherlover about Jon Snow's dad and whatever the frick is going one with the Red God(Praise be). But these werent as crazy as the X-Files forums or the Lost forums that would descend from that hive of of fanfiction and wishful thinking.

I'm sure Starwars and LOTR fits in here somewhere but this bit is old already.

At the pinnacle of Nerdy Bullshit Mountain was Motherfricking The Legend of Zelda Timeline and Lore forums over at ZeldaUniverse.net.

For Years after Ocarina of Time came out, people there theorized if there was actually two timelines, (also if Zelda somehow grew a peepee when she was in disguise as Sheik.)

BOTH QUESTIONS WERE EQUALLY IMPORTANT DAMMNIT

Eventually Nintendo did confirm there was a timeline split in the early mid 2000s and it turns out there were actually three timelines.

You were either ecstatic or pissed off if you were a Zelda Fan.

Also Zelda does not have a feminine peepee, but the debate rages on.

Shiek is a guy in the same way that Mrs. Doubtfire is a woman.

what if i told you zelda was actually boy?

i know, it's hard to believe because he's always wearing a green skirt in his games.

And Halo is a cool guy that doesnt afraid of anything.

Anyway back to Nintendo Nerd Mountain, I was glad to see that ZU still exists and they are about as neurodivergent about the topic as ever. They've been apparently arguing about the timeline placement for the last six years when it comes to their last two Zelda games.

I just find this incredibly funny because its clear at this point that Nintendo does not give a frick anymore about the lore of TLoZ games. Yet here people are.)

But look at this insane shit

Am I on Acid?

Years ago when I first found out about Starseeds and esotericism, I read on a blog that OOT was worked on by lightworkers "people here to usher in the awakening of consciousness" and hid hymns in the songs that woke up dormant DNA.

I read on a blog that OOT was worked on by lightworkers "people here to usher in the awakening of consciousness" and hid hymns in the songs that woke up dormant DNA.

Find this article. Else, I'm calling bullshit on this 8 ways from Sunday.

Oh Thank Christ, I thought I was the only san-

There are multiple levels of consciousness said to exist. Not just 3.

F*ck. I guess I am on Acid.

Christ on a cracker, Can these people stop overthinking a Zelda game?

And with a new game comes new bullshit, and apparently phrenology.

Anyway not that any of this matters as its basically been confirmed that the new games are a soft reboot anyway, as the first reddit post says.

Thanks for coming to my effortpost.