Probably no one is going to read this, but it might be nice to have off my chest. I've literally told this to nobody I know in real life, or even on the internet for that matter. I still think about it from time to time.

Back when I was younger, around 10 or so, I was a homeschooled terminally online autist who played Neopets.com religiously. Neopets had a message board forum and "guild" system where you can talk to other fellow autists. The problem was that Neopets restricted access to these site features unless you were at least 13 years of age. So I did what many other people have done before, and I lied on the internet about my age.

On the forums I saw an advertisement for a really popular guild with over 100 members. It was considered very exclusive as they required you to be 18+. I wanted in this guild, however, so I lied yet again and was successfully invited to this 18+ age restricted guild as a prepubescent child. The way that guilds worked is there were ranks within them that, determined by length and activity, you were able to ascend. I quickly flew through the ranks and before long I was a well respected member of the guild community - yet not quite a council member which were the top 5 ranks and unobtainable unless a council member stepped down.

After a few months the guild co-leader stepped down from their position and a democratic poll was given to determine who would be the new council member. Making use of multiple alt accounts I managed to rig the poll in a way that only I would be crowned winner. And I was. I had become the co-leader of the guild.

Not long after, many members suggested creating a Facebook group so that we would be able to circumvent the profanity filter as well as link off-site and discuss banned topics. The council decided to do so, however, there was trouble. As I had been LARP'ing as an 18 year old this entire time, I could not use my main Facebook account who's profile picture clearly depicted a child who's lifespan had barely reached a decade. So I created a new Facebook profile, using my same name and last name and a profile picture of someone I barely knew but was 18. This is where it gets good.

Over the next couple of years my charade had not been uncovered. During this time, I began getting very close with the leader of the guild. A 20 year old college girl who was very attracted to the man in my profile picture. We began an intimate online relationship. She would frequently send me photographs of herself naked and send me pornography videos she had came to. We would chat for hours every day. Every time she would ask to video chat or talk on the phone I had an excuse, which for whatever reason she accepted. This façade lasted for nearly 2 years.

One day, I get a message from a fellow council member of the guild. "I know you're not who you say you are. I found your main Facebook account. If you don't come forward an tell the guild I will do it instead." Well, frick. Cosplay is over and it's time to face the music. I did as the council member demanded, and as I expected, the outrage was truly immense. Particularly from the leader... I mean, I would be outraged too if I found out I had sent my nudes to a 12 year old. The guild pretty much disbanded after that. I quit Neopets around the same time and never went back.

TLDR; got a hot college girl I met on Neopets to send me nudes for 2 years when I was 10

I've told most of my dog shooting stories, but this doesn't involve pibbles, so I doesn't get brought up often.

This was 8 years ago, so I was 16. Just got my license, and I was driving around the farm.

All of the fields my grandpa owns are interconnected. A road cuts them in half, but the road is far out of the way of normal travel, and he owns all the land along it. He didn't get this land through inheritance, he bought and traded for it all his life to carve out his own contiguous section of countryside. When he acquired land, there was often a house on the land, fenced away from the rest of the field. They were all right on the road, so rather than demolishing them and fencing them off, he just rented the, out.

My grandpa is a very nice man. Not a good quality as a landlord. Sometimes he'll get a good tenant that keeps an eye on the nearby chunk of farm. Usually he gets white trash methheads that will steal anything that isn't nailed down, and owe a lot of people a lot of money.

One of these rentoids thought it would be a good idea to buy 2 blue heelers, dogs infamous for running cattle through fences. This is made even worse by the fact that the rental is surrounded on all sides by cattle pasture.

Now into the story.

I'm driving through the fields with him in the passenger seat. He has a .22 on his lap, because we're driving to check our live traps. We'd had a raccoon problem for the past few months.

We crest the hill, and the cows are packed into the far corner of the fence, with the two dogs barking at them.

I get out of the car to scare the dogs away (I'm 16 here, so I'm a fricking r-slur), luckily I had my pistol.

He leans out the window and starts shooting at them, so I start shooting too. Note that this is at least 50 yards with a .380 ACP, I'm not hitting anything.

One of the dogs is killed where is stands, and the other runs maybe 80 yards and drops.

We load up both of the dogs, and head towards the bone pile (a wet weather creek where he dumps dead animals, usually cows. It's in a 10 acre section of field that rarely gets used).

Here's where the story gets juicy.

The fastest way to the bone pile is past the rentoids house.

I'm driving down the road, and the rentoid is driving to meet us. As is customary in rural areas, we pull up next to each other, roll down our windows, and talk.

This guy's dogs have their guts falling out, dead in the bed of our truck, and we're having a leisurely conversation.

He asks us if we heard gunshots about 30 minutes ago, we say they came from our neighbor's property. I'm about to piss myself, because this rentoid is an unhinged lunatic. We drive away, he doesn't see the dead dogs, and we make it to the bone pile just fine.

TLDR: I shoot rentoids dogs, he talks to me on the road while they're in my truck bed.

Me and a couple of buddies wake up after a night of drinking and figure we should go camping or something. It's a couple of weeks into September and campgrounds are pretty empty so we book a cabin. So first things first and we go to an arcade near where we live and have a couple beers in the parking lot and play some games.

After this we start our journey. The two friends I'm with, we'll call Ricky and Julian. Ricky's driving, Julian's riding shotgun, drinking, and I'm drinking in the back. We're about an hour into our trip and I guess school's getting out because there's teenagers walking around everywhere. Julian was visiting from Vancouver and for some frickin reason, he had brought two bags of dried smelts with him. We're about eight beers in at this point, drunk, so we start throwing these fish at these high school kids. It's pretty hard to throw these tiny fish while your driving so I don't even think we hit anyone but a good time was had by all none the less. We get to the downtown section of town and figure it'd be a good idea if we get something to eat, so we go to the strip club. More beer. On the outskirts of town, we stop at a gas station on the res and pick up a couple flats. Ok, camping time.

It's not so much a campground as it is a trailer park with a half dozen cabins on the side. No one's in any cabins but, of course, there are people in the trailer park and it looks like it's a 55+. Whatever, we're generally well behaved. We just sit around shooting the shit, drinking for an hour or two, and decide to go to the pub across the street. We sit down and order our drinks and food. The waitress asks what type of salad I would like. I asked if I can get my salad tossed. We laughed, I don't think she got the joke. It's a stupid joke but I think it's funny so frick you. Anyway, we're shittered and start talking with this other fellow on the patio, and for some reason he's buying us shots. So we hung out on the patio for a couple hours drinking and smoked a joint or two.

Ricky, Julian and myself made are way back to the cabin, frickin peepeeered. Not sloppy drunk, but 20 drinks in 10 hours drunk. Frickin drunk anyway. There was a little lake at the grounds so we take a swim. It's past midnight and cold so I didn't last long in the water and just sat in a lawn chair on the beach. I'm chilling with my beer and this frickin bird starts making this weird noise. Julian starts freaking out about demons and yelling and shit so I fricked off back to the cabin. The cabin was about 100 yards from the lake and I can hear this butthole yelling and being drunk, and keep in mind that we're more or less in a trailer park. The yelling stops and I can see this white "glow", if you will, moving towards me. Julian is naked walking up the dirt road from the lake and I'm sure there were a few old bastards looking out their windows from all the noise. Of course we don't care and go about our business which involves a pellet gun that looks really similar to a rifle, and an axe.

There was no fricking fire wood around as there were campfire bans in the area, but there were some tree stumps. We have an axe and there's some tree stumps, so why in the frick don't we start hitting these tree stumps with the axe? So there I am in my lawn chair with the pellet gun while Ricky and Julian are swinging this frickin axe around and who decides to intervene? The goddarned park supervisor (we'll call him Leahy). Apparently we're being too loud and he's received complaints that someone's been firing off guns in the park. We're not fricking buttholes and he's pretty cool about it so he confiscates our gun and the axe, and we tell him we'll settle down and go to bed. As soon as Leahy's out of site, ol' Ricky marches over to his trunk and pulls out another axe. Frick it, let's crack a beer and hit some stumps.

Well before too long, Leahy's back out there. He's a bit more aggravated this time but still pretty cool about everything. We say we're sorry and that's it but what do I see? Out of the darkness, Leahy's back-up has arrived and I shit you not, this guy has no frickin shirt on (we'll call him Randy I guess). Randy's pissed and acting hard and Ricky is busy trying to diffuse the situation with his drunk logic. It's a frickin shit show. Leahy looks at me and says that if we don't get our shit together, he's going to call the police. I look at him and say, "You've already called the police, haven't you?" As soon as he says yes, two police cars pull up outside the cabin (we'll call these sexians, Erica and George Green). The cops go through their BS and it's unanimous, we have to leave the trailer park. "Well sorry officers, but we can't drive because we're frickin hammered if you didn't notice." So it's decided we must go to a hotel for the night. The three of us cram into the back of Erica's police car.

Frick we're drunk. The three of us are practically trying to lean through that little window in the cop car that seperates the back and front, calling her officer sexy and giving her shit about speeding. She takes us to a motel which is closed and pretty much says 'see ya' and wants to leave but I tell her that it would be irresponsible if she just left us here without making sure we're able to get a room. She agrees and walks me to the 'office' which is just a house. Since I'm the only one with a credit card, I gotta play dad and be the grown up. Erica knocks on the screen door and this old European lady answers. She frickin old and tired but is nice enough to let us stay. The office is pretty much a kitchen counter and while me and officer sexy are there filling out the paper work, I hear someone start pissing outside. Now I'm frickin hammered so there's no way Erica didn't hear this but I guess she decided to ignore it. We both were. I'm filling out a form and the old Europian lady is mumbling how her back hurts and hear this huge, long fart from whomever is pissing outside. Then some giggles. I just stared at the counter with smirk trying to keep it together. We get everything figured and get our room. Officer sexy fricks off and we smoked a doob and watched the Fresh Prince.

Not a super interesting story, but a play I was supposed to be in looks like it's getting cancelled at the last minute. I was looking forward to it too. It was a crappy little show, but it's been ten years since I've acted and getting back on that horse has been fun.

Edit: The play has been cancelled. RIP all those hours everyone put into it.

Bit more than 10 years ago I was the sole employee to a guy with his own pest control buisness. Dude was constantly drinking and smoking pot on the job. I'm pretty sure he was on coke more days than not as well. On top of that he said he has bipolar and he used weed to self medicate.

One time I am doing a job by myself, and the contractor that hired us asked what the frick was wrong with my boss. He asked my boss to see if he could do something about pigeons that have been pooping all over one of his appartment properties. So the dude rolls up with his truck and starts shooting the pigeons with a BB-gun. He injures one in the wing and the others fly away. He fails to kill the thing with a few more shots and decides to take things face to face with the pigeon. He picks up a 4x4 and smacks the thing across the yard, then yells to the contractor, "How's that for pest control?!"

Another time he didn't show up for a huge new customer for a several appartment units. This is one of the ways he gets his big money and can network with property owners, so it was weird that he didn't show up or answer any of my calls. I went to his place after and his 17 year old son said he got arrested for getting in a fist fight with his wife on the front lawn that may have involved the use of lawn rocks if I am recalling right. Not only did he get tag teamed by his wife and son, who was a high school wrestling champ, he got locked up

My BPD exgf just got a new high paying job, and is offering to be my sugar mama in an attempt to rekindle our relationship.

I guess me-Baker Acting-her-and-moving-out wasn’t closure enough for her..

(This story is ongoing.)

My ex-boyfriend and I had s*x in a hotel pool and in the middle of it the manager came out and tapped on my shoulder and said "ummm, you guys have to stop doing that." lmao

Basically, I have s*x.