Background: Rice University has a statue of its founder William Marsh Rice front in center at the main entrance. (wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Marsh_Rice) Unfortunately, despite donating his estate to education, he was not wholesome 100. Rice University was designated "whites only" and Rice had owned 15 slaves. Rice University is currently hyper-progressive and there has been a big movement to take down or move the statue (which holds his cremated remains btw). However, there's been some opposition, particularly from older alumni and donors. That's where you come in:
A little trolling: Rice has made an open anonymous survey for anyone to give their thoughts on the statue. Some people who care way too much about a statue with nothing better to do WILL read what you write. It's our responsibility to shed light on William Marsh Rice's buck breaking that historians have covered up. We can't let Rice get away with covering up all the broken bucks!
Also, if you want to write a more satirical bit, they featured over 200 responses last time, so the bar is low.
One thing to keep in mind: Rice students are like strawmen of progressives. I thought "fatphobia" was a right wing strawman until a Rice student unironically accused someone else of it. You don't need to tone down the absurdity as long it's the right kind.
Edit: copy paste your responses in the comments
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Did my bit by writing about buck breaking, peppering it with some whining about capitalism and multi-generational trauma and also suggested that the statue of Rice doesn't deserve any respect and hence should be replaced with one of Ray L. Johnson, the University's first Black student
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FYI, I read a lot of the featured responses, and I heard all of those points unironically except buck-breaking.
Good job. Should fit right in.
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Where do you read the featured responses? Mine wasnβt subtle at all so I doubt it gets featured but one can hope
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https://m.box.com/shared_item/https%3A%2F%2Frice.app.box.com%2Fs%2F643sihknv0vadpa7otzgxlm703jkjtu5
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Thanks. I also did a thing where I compared the statue with a violating phallus, drawing an analogy to buck breaking of the mind in CURRENT YEAR. Too far?
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Perfect.
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Goddam that's good. Pretty borderline, though. Those kids are just r-slurred enough to feature what you wrote. They won't let feelings get in the way of proper skepticism.
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I suggested public gay s*x parties and having queer POC drone operators blow up the statue
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Now we're getting r-slurred.
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Laughing so hard I'm crying
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