(married) Redditor goes to a strip club, breaks down crying when a stripper smiles at him.

I've never had a moral objection to strip clubs. If two consenting adults want to exchange money for sexual teasing, who am I to stop them? But I did have a financial objection to strip clubs. The drinks are obscenely expensive, there's plenty of free/inexpensive porn online, and tipping is awkward even when there's no nudity involved.

Later, when I approach a girl, she smiles at me. Girls don't smile at me. Guys don't smile at me. My approach is not something at elicits smiles. But when I walk up to this girl she smiles like I just made her night because she was hoping I'd talk to her.

I think back to that night now, and I cry. I cry because of how happy it made me, and how that contrasts with my day to day life.

I cry because, in my nervousness, I think I forgot to even tell this girl my name. And even if I did tell her, she wouldn't remember it by now.

I'm having a really hard time processing these feelings, and I don't know who to talk to. I want to talk to my wife about it, but I don't know how. I love her, and I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her to think that I don't find her attractive, because I do. I don't want her to think that I doubt her love, because I don't. But I don't know how to explain that the feelings I felt in that strip club were powerfully different than what I feel at home.