RETARDED [Meta Post/Long Post/Serious] The Ambyfesto: An Open Statement on What Happened to Me Two Months Ago, Why it Happened, and What I've Done About It.

TL;DR at the bottom of this post.

This is metadrama and a seriouspost, so if you're not about that, then avert your eyes and scroll away. The past two months have been absolute heck on my life, and I want to make an open post about it.

I'm Amby. I recently changed my username because too many people thought I was a "gimmick account" larping as an actual goblin or something? They're idiots. But yeah, let's talk about me for a second.

I'm 28 years old, a foid, and a genuine/diagnosed neurodivergent schizo. I am also a substance addict, which I never hid on here. I'm not capable of living independently and I live off of public resources. Doesn't matter if you believe it or not. I never lied about who I was or larped on here. I had several members look after one of my subreddits when I went inpatient in June. But what this means is that my mental and physical health symptoms often go above and beyond what the internet considers "funny schizoposting".

I left this forum in a bad state at the beginning of a psychotic break that ended up lasting about 45 days straight where I was convinced that almost everyone in my immediate life was trying to murder me or harass me into suicide. I mean mostly offline, but this even included my own friends on Groomercord. But, all of a sudden mean comments made about me on this website became deathly serious. And I know saying that will attract wolves to this post saying "KEEP YOURSELF SAFE" or "I am going to kill you". (Haha funny, epic post dude! I bet you're in my walls too! 🙄)

I was voluntarily homeless for about two weeks due to me not feeling safe anywhere I stayed, and this included staying in nature/the woods and using public WiFi and Uber as I wished. I've lost 15lbs since last posting here. I've lost about 40% of my hair due to the stress of my beliefs (persecutory delusions) and actions - I'm wearing $400 hair extensions weaved into my own just to get it shoulder-length again.

Where did I get $400? Don't ask. I have more debt than that. I've ruined my credit and am expecting a lawsuit and I may draft a /h/peakpoors post with juicy details, since I have no garnishable wages I don't expect consequences other than a destroyed record. It could be worse. Kek.

I'm on an antipsychotic and some medication for my hair. I still don't feel good about any of this, or that it all happened semi-publicly. I have no internet presence and have poor makings for a lolcow, so if that was your goal, sorry I made you fail miserably, haha. If I've ever offended you, take this as my quiet apology. My life is fricked up and I am in pain. I'm deeply traumatized and I really wish I could be left alone.

My last note is that if you're someone who harassed me when I was in a poor state of mind, you're one of the lowest users on here. That includes calling me all this gay bullshit like a "gimmick poster" or "power user", and that also includes everyone who has accused me of larping or being male in any sense of the word.

I get that I can't completely stop accusations of me larping or being a man, or the power user nonsense. But for those who have common sense, frick off with it. Now.**

I wish I could be happy here again. Maybe in another month or two? I'm sorry Carp and I'm sorry Aevann. You two are mostly good people from what I've seen. Maybe I'm not a good person. All I wanted to do was contribute to the site and make Marsey emojis. 🙁***

Peace out for at least a bit longer,

Amby xoxo

**Current pictures included to show that I'm the same girl as the previous picture for my badge, I'm not a dude. For the last fricking time. I have never been anyone other than a (slowly getting less) fat goblincore alt girl with some serious issues. I'm not going to respond to rude comments here. But whoever is my friend on this website deserves to know what happened to me.

***And no, I'm probably not coming back full-time. Maybe I'll log in every now and then but this website just isn't fun anymore with how badly I've gotten treated on it. I don't understand how in a sea of heckin' valid Bardfinns and actual lolcows, I got targeted worse than anyone else on here, honestly what the frick, guys?

TL;DR: Bussy lmao. I'm seriously insane and r-slurred, I'm not a man, and the amount of seethe I generate on this website by existing is hilarious