EFFORTPOST [Effort] The Most Honest Journ*list to Ever Live

OMG did you SEE Paris Hilton's Baby? Bet she's DESTROYED down there! Well, if she wasn't already.... Oh, oh! Or what about Matthew Perry? Should've taken swimming lessons along with the acting ones! Who doesn't love some celebrity gossip? Crochety old people and the celebrities themselves, probably... buuut who cares about them, right? Our topic today certainly didn't! A maverick without loyalty but never a revolutionary, living luxuriously on fame built from extortion, born low but bestowed many titles: it's The Prince of the Press, Brigand Chief of Letters, The First Modern Journ*list, Scourge of Princes, the 'Divine' Pietro Aretino!

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EARLY LIFE

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Arezzo, Italy on the 19/20th of April, 1492 was a relatively unimportant Tuscan city, subject to Florence and the Medici family under their new head, Piero. He had just succeeded his late father, Lorenzo 'The Magnificent' de'Medici around 10 days earlier, but our focus is on another newcomer decidedly lower on the social ladder. Margherita 'Tita' Bonci, a local woman famed for her beauty and questionable fidelity, had just given birth to a son named Pietro.

Even if you've never heard of Pietro, you've probably seen him. He appears in both Michelangelo's Last Judgement and Titian's Ecce Homo. In the former he served as St. Bartholomew, and in the latter he was Pontus Pilate.

Pietro's father's identity is somewhat in dispute. There are two candidates: Andrea 'Luca' del Tura, a poor shoemaker and Tita's husband, and Luigi Bacci, a minor Arezzan nobleman. Bacci's "relations" with Tita would be exposed sometime after Pietro's birth, leading Andrea to abandon his wife and possible son to join a mercenary band. Pietro spent the rest of his childhood raised in Bacci's household, with his two younger sisters and Bacci's two legitimate sons, who he'd keep in contact with for the rest of his life and refer to as his brothers.

When Pietro was around 10, things started to heat up in Arezzo. Piero de'Medici was not as politically gifted as his predecessors, ending tangled up in a war with Pisa, once a Florentine city, but now in revolt. Anti-Medicean parties in his domain smelled blood in the water, and in Arezzo a riot occurred that expelled or lynched officials loyal to the family. Piero's forces came back with a vengeance, paying back in equal terms the massacre committed on their allies. By the end, businesses and homes burned, Anti and Pro-Mediceans murdered each other in the streets, families were broken, and even uninterested parties were swept up in the chaos.

It was a lot of suffering for little change, and that's possibly how Pietro viewed it. It would be his first time experiencing the politics of his day and all the consequences that come with it, but where others may become misanthropic or agitate for change of the system they see as pointlessly destructive, Pietro saw opportunity.

There were big players out there with a lot of money to spare on these meaningless games, and in Italian feudal politics, the only mode of social mobility for a non-noble was to find one to attach yourself to. Instead of being payed in slaughtering soldiers, maybe Arezzo could've seen some of that Medici gold, should they have played their cards right. Whatever could have been, what was certain is that none of these great men were in Arezzo. At the age of 14/15 in 1505/1506, Pietro left his home town and made for Perugia, a prominent University city.

Pietro always had a talent for the written word and Perugia was the perfect place to hone his skills. Several famous Italians had once studied there and the university was famed as a place of art and learning. It alumni includes several artists, intellectuals, and even Popes. It was here that Pietro received his moniker "Aretino" (meaning 'from Arezzo'), a way to differentiate him from the other 5 billion Italians named Pietro.

He fit right in among this bustling crowd of artists, though he always fit within any crowd he found himself. Perugia lent him the opportunity to pursue his talents while also meeting other young aspirers, Agnolo Firenzuola, famed classic Italian author, among them. The two became fast friends, sharing love of, and talent for, mischief as much as writing. In a letter to Firenzuola later in life, Pietro recalled a time when the two exposed their naked bodies out a window to spite a stuck up old woman who had taken offense to their behavior.

It was also in Perugia that Aretino completed his first published work: a collection of sonnets and poems named "Opera Nova." It's his most unremarkable, though still notable in that it's his first and by the fact that he was only 18 when it was published in 1512. But a Renaissance art education is hardly complete with literature alone, so it's unsurprising that in Perugia Pietro also picked up on sketching. Though he never used his skills to foray into the world of painting, he would become a passionate critic of the art. Maybe little too passionate...

An exhibition was held in Perugia 1514. A painting depicting Mary Magdalene recanting her sinful ways and dedicating herself to Jesus was being displayed. It just happened that the subject used to model Mary, a popular local prostitute, was hardly as godly as the painter attempted to sell her as. Pietro took issue with that, and in the night painted over Mary to make her resemble more closely who she was modeled after. The nobles running Perugia soon caught wind of the growing scandal, and exiled Aretino under pain of death.

(Or maybe that didn't happen; Pietro gathered many enemies over the course of his life and it's possible that this story is slander. )

Either way, Pietro was out of Perugia by 1514 and headed toward Rome, where he'd find his first big break.

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WORKS AND STYLE

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Before getting into his adult life, it's important to understand how he was as an author, since that was his choice of career. The quality of his writings was stellar; you won't find many people disparaging him on that front, not even his enemies. His skill was highly respected enough that his name was often invoked whenever an author or speaker of the time needed and example of unparalleled wit. His style of writing was unconventional and uniquely his in an era when every kind of artist was looking to imitate the classics of Greece and Rome. Playwriting had become consumed by the old Roman format created by Plautus. Literature often set out to copy the styles of Homer and Virgil. Most were written in Latin or Greek.

Pietro was monolingual in vernacular Italian, and wrote in that language. More importantly, he actively tried to set himself apart from the classics, shirking traditional structure and the tired old phrases and metaphors of Antiquity. The subjects of his works were often unique, too. His specialty was satire of contemporary life and society, and he didn't shy away from any of its more unsavory aspects. Keep in mind, this was the time of the Renaissance ideal, where every man was expected to be wealthy and generous but not indulgent, good mannered, strong in body and mind, a good leader or honorable follower, and a devoted Christian yet enthusiastic humanist. Few could live up to the ideal, yet everyone did their best to project an image of it. Much of Pietro's work served to expose that image for a lie.

Discussions

(Or Ragionamenti, also translated as "Reasonings")

This is a dialogue between two women: Nanna and Antonia. Nanna's daughter, Pippa, is coming of age and the two are debating what career would be best for the girl. As women were largely starved for choice in this area, Pippa's prospects are limited to becoming either a prostitute, a nun, or a courtesan (female servant in a noble's court).

Prostitution is ironically depicted as the least s*x-involved, as it is treated as merely a business transaction. It's also the most independent, as prostitutes are their own superiors and independent businesswomen. Courtesans are subject to all the intrigues and corruption in courtly politics, while still required to forfeit their bodies to their superior, and any and all dignitaries or officials he may entertain in his household. Nuns have no exposure to politics, nor any obligation to surrender their bodies, yet are the most s*x-obsessed of all career choices. Nanna recalls the story of a convent where the nuns would routinely engage in orgies with a neighboring monastery of monks, in all manner of positions and using all manner of toys.

Aretino wasn't just speaking from his butt there, either. In his time, both monasteries and nunneries had reputations of being dens of degeneracy (particularly German ones). The point of the Discussions was to satirize women's places in society, that of the two more "respectable" career choices, both were significantly more immoral and cynical than that of a prostitute.

The Stablemaster

(Or Il Marescalco)

This work follows a gay stablemaster being forced into marriage by his lord, the Marquis of Mantua. As his wedding day reaches closer and closer, the man tries everything he can think of to get out of the arrangement, but to no avail. Unable to avoid his lord's wishes, he shows up nervous and broken to his wedding ceremony, where it's revealed that his "bride" is actually a man in drag. The Stablemaster's main theme is to parody couples' relations and the institution of marriage.

Letters

(Or Lettere)

This is not a single work, but a compilation of many letters sent to and by Aretino during his lifetime. It's where we get much of the information on what he was like and on his life in general. It's important to not take the contents of them at face value, as Aretino was notorious for amending them after the fact to make himself look better, on top of sometimes just lying in them outright. One of the most naked examples of this tendency came from his correspondence with the court of Henry VIII.

Initially, Pietro's main contact within England was Lord Thomas Cromwell (yes, one of those Cromwells), a chief advisor to the king. He was cordial and friendly with the man, relying on him for many of his transactions with Henry. When Cromwell fell out of political favor and was executed, Pietro's first reaction was to mourn the man's death in a letter to a close confidant. Then, to a member of Henry's court, justify the execution of Cromwell, as he'd apparently become too religiously radical before his death. As Henry later came to regret Cromwell's execution, Aretino followed up with a letter expressing condolences over the advisor's death, decrying it as an injustice since an innocent man had been killed, but careful not to place the blame on Henry himself.

These are just a couple of his works, but you can get and idea of what he was willing to say and what kind of writer he was from them.

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ROME

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Pietro came to Rome with virtually nothing but his talent. Which if you asked any of his detractors, was solely lying, cheating, stealing, and any and all "unvarnished effrontery," as one historian put it. If you asked Aretino himself, it was the power of his words, the integrity of his character, and his indefatigable good nature. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

He ended up in the court of a certain Augustino Chigi, personal banker of Pope Leo X. Though the particulars of their meeting aren't known, Pietro had to possess some fraction of genuine skill to end up in such a position. Chigi was certainly one of the richest men in Rome, probably in all of Italy, and maybe in all of Europe. He had connections to every powerful figure in the Eternal City, and by extension most of Italy, often entertaining them in his mansion, the Villa Farnesia.

Leo X himself was particularly fond of his banker's opulence, often dining with him, sometimes on plates made of precious metal, and always with expensive food. It would be reasonable to assume that Aretino first came to meet Leo while under Chigi's service, but his big break with the Pontiff only came later in 1516, 2 years after his arrival in the city and the year the Pope's pet elephant died.

The animal had been a gift from the King of Portugal, imported from India as Portuguese merchants were beginning to set up shop there. Not used to the climate of the Mediterranean, Hanno, the elephant, had been in bad health since its delivery. Nonetheless, Leo became attached to his pet, and was devastated at its loss. News of the tragedy got Pietro's creative juices flowing, and he began to write.

A pamphlet titled "The Last Will and Testament of the Elephant Hanno" began circulating Rome shortly after the death of its titular character. It posed as what it was titled, a will endowing certain prominent Romans to the property of the deceased. The inheritors, of who many were Cardinals of the Church, were satired with lines like,

Item, to my heir Cardinal Santi Quattro I give my jaws, so that he can devour the revenues of Christ the more readily

Every entry was a thinly veiled jab at each 'heir's' vices. For another example, Hanno's peepee went to a Cardinal known for frequently violating his vow to celibacy.

This was a bold move on Pietro's part. Many past Popes wouldn't have hesitated to execute him for pulling a move like this, so Aretino was lucky that Leo X's birth name was Giovanni Lorenzo de'Medici. The Medicis were nothing if not strong patrons of the arts, literature no different. Rather than becoming infuriated at Pietro's cheekiness, he was amused and saw the potential in his talents.

Aretino found himself invited to the Pope's court at the age of 26, no doubt basking in the newfound recognition he always knew he'd deserved.

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IN THE HALL OF THE MEDICI POPE

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Pope Leo X's luxurious tastes and vast connections suited Aretino well. Whatever circles he ran in under Chigi's patronage. he had access to and greater here. Anyone who was anyone had some sort of presence in the Papal court. Colonnas, Orsinis, Gonzagas, Sforzas, d'Estes, Venetian Oligarchs, Master Sculptors and Painters, French and Imperial ambassadors, and especially Medicis, regularly visited St. Peter's. They'd wine, dine, gossip, party, and all-around indulge in front of the backdrop of the rapidly deteriorating social and political stability of wider Europe.

Don't mistake their indulgence for aloofness; it was just part of diplomatic strategy. The big players weren't dancing carefree like Nero while Rome burned (not that Nero actually did that). Under the table where they dined, Orsinis plotted against Colonnas for the Papal throne, Venetians and Medicis struggled over financial dominance, and Gonzagas, Sforzas, and d'Estes fought to maintain their independence against the Papal, French, and German Imperial forces arrayed against each other, all seeking to expand control over the Italian Peninsula. The opulence acted as a forum, a friendlier place for various factions to meet than the battlefield. Assassinations happened in back alleys, not the Pope's dinner table.

Portrait of Cardinals Giulio de'Medici (Left)(He's important) and Luigi de'Rossi (Right) with Pope Leo X (Center)

Aretino was there for all of it. He was as good a conversationalist as he was a writer, and took note whenever potentially useful information was let loose by any of the prominent party goers, careful also to spread as much rumor as he heard. Blackmail and extortion were well known to him then, had possibly been well known all his life, if you believe his enemies. Knowing the secrets of the powerful kept his position secure and profitable.

That's not to say he was solely a parasite. If he was truly only harmful, then he easily could've been a victim of any one of those back alley murders. The truth was that having a rumormonger around court was as useful for those in power as it was profitable for Aretino himself. He was an important source of information, and one who could slander or talk up any reputation he was paid to. The sonnets and poems he was officially employed to write could be dedicated to anyone he wished to build up or tear down the reputation of. His allies received nothing but praise in them, they were talked of as if they were all experts in the arts, pinnacles of Christian morality, and epitomes of good rulership, while his enemies were unlearned, Atheists (then a synonym for immoral), and tyrants.

Along with the flattery and slander of people he never truly cared about either way, Aretino also found genuine friendship (at least one). He grew close to a Ludovico de'Medici, nicknamed 'John of the Black Bands', the leader of an Italian mercenary company, and a very competent one at that. Aretino hit it off with him, finding Ludovico an equal in war and soldiery to his talents in writing and the arts. But what they most had in common above all was their questionable ethics.

Aretino was a liar and slanderer, a blackmailer and extorter. Ludovico was a pillager and looter. They both were hedonists. To give you a look into the mercenary's character, he's reported to have committed his first murder at age 12, and later r*ped a 16 year old boy... a year later, when he was 13 (or maybe he accidentally murdered someone; sources disagree) (Aretino also had a taste for the same s*x ( do you think??? )). On top of the personal crimes he committed, he had no shame in allowing his men to r*pe and pillage as they pleased while on campaign, only getting away with his behavior as he was a Medici, and an extremely important asset to the Papal military. Such exploits earned him another moniker, 'Il Grande Diovolo' (The Great Devil).

Statue of Ludovico de'Medici/John of the Black Bands

But the high life couldn't last forever, and in 1521, Pope Leo X died. All the lavish eating finally caught up with the obese man and killed him at the (relatively) young age of 46. Aretino was out of a patron, but the Papal election started immediately after, and so did Pietro pick up his pen.

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TRUTH TO POWER

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Aretino had ventured into public writing before with Hanno's Will, but with Conclave convened, he shifted it up to ninth gear. Pamphlets proclaiming to be written by Pietro Aretino began to appear posted on a statue in Rome. They loudly denounced virtually every member of the College of Cardinals, drawing on their open secrets and rumored vices, slandering their characters as unfit to wear the Papal Tiara. Only one cardinal escaped Pietro's libel: a Giulio de'Medici, prime candidate and forerunner in the election. Aretino was looking to ingratiate himself with the upcoming Roman administration.

Many historians call it the first instance of Yellow Journ*lism, rumor and gossip of the rich and famous sensationalized and packaged into an easily consumable format. Aretino wasn't the only author, nor was he the first, but he was the showiest. None before had been so bold as to openly mock authority figures, sign it with their full name, and then dare the College to do something about it. No one except for Aretino. In one sonnet saying,

It's really surprising that the Cardinal's College,

can find no way of stopping Aretino's verbiage

The flow is lost in translation, but the intent is clear. Pietro was aiming to make himself as well known to the public as he was in Leo's court, and an ally of Giulio, albeit at the expense of every other Cardinal's opinion of him.

And it was working. Regardless of the victims' opinions on the pieces, the public ate them up. Aretino's name became so well known to Roman satirists that it was practically synonymous with the genre itself. Imitators appeared, copying Pietro's style as well as his name. To this day, whenever an Italian High Renaissance work of satire signed "Pietro Aretino" surfaces, there's a good chance that it has nothing to do with its alleged author.

These are the statues that were posted to. The first is nicknamed "Pasquino" and it's where the term used for these writings, Pasquinades, originates. The second is Marforio, and likely where Aretino posted his writings. Pasquinades often took the form of dialogues between the two statues, where they'd discuss and satirize contemporary events and figures.

Looking back to Conclave, it actually wasn't going too well. Cardinal Giulio had support of the plurality, but the Colonnas were running good interference, and the college was deadlocked. In hopes of breaking the deadlock, Cardinal Giulio nominated Cardinal Adrian of Utrecht. Adrian was a drab man, religiously strict and held a strong dislike toward the humanist and classical sensibilities of the day. He shied from opulence and indulgence, dutifully serving Emperor Charles V as an experienced statesman. In short, he was probably the best fit clergyman for the job.

Everyone still hated him, though. Ironically, it was for everything that made him such a qualified candidate. Popes Julius II and Leo X had turned Rome into a capital of the Renaissance, a place for high art, learning, and above all, luxury. The prospect of a Pope that despised all of that was universally unappealing. Everyone also thought he'd be an Imperial toady. Adrian had tutored a young Charles V during his youth in the Netherlands, and now served as his viceroy in Spain. He was looked at as a potential foreign agent that would deprive Romans of their way of life.

So naturally, he won. Probably through divine intervention, the Dark Horse Adrian of Utrecht managed to eek out support from the Medici and Colonna parties, with only the Orsinis objecting. It was definitely not through any effort of his own; he was in Spain the entire time, not even thinking of a candidacy. Rome teetered on the edge of rioting while Cardinals were jeered as they exited the building. Many Romans saw the Curia as having sold their city, and maybe all of Italy, to the Emperor. Cardinal Giulio immediately left for Florence, as Rome was too hot to stay in.

Meanwhile, Aretino must have been in more of a panic than even Giulio himself. He'd just made an enemy of every political faction in Rome, except the Medicis, but they were absent the city now. He knew someone with the reputation of Adrian would never stand for his activities. So now in more danger than he'd ever been, but also with more fame than he'd ever had, Pietro Aretino left Rome as the new Pope Adrian VI's boat departed from Tortosa, Spain.

Wooooaaaah It's gonna be a twoooooo parter!!!! And I was realllllllly trying to get it all in one this time Goddarn WHY can't people just have shorter lives?!

Anyway, look out for that if this guy catches your fancy. If you recognize the period this takes place in then you know things are about to get spicy. Aretino's party to a lot of it, and it was entertaining to track his movements through this time.

If you curious why you've maybe never heard of this guy being hailed as one of the greats of Italian Renaissance literature, it's because his work was looked down upon as too inappropriate for a long time, falling out of favor when the moralistic English literature world first took issue with him in the 1600s. His reputation's had sort of a revival among certain academic circles, but never penetrated into the popular culture. It's likely that it won't ever have a revival there either, since his work primarily focused on issues contemporary to him. He'll probably just continue in those niche circles, interesting only to history nerds and literature neurodivergents

In fact, much of his work was almost lost to time before it resurfaced in some Victorian explorer's private collection. His name was uh... Jean-Frederic Maximilien de... uhm... de...

...

...WALDECK??!?!?!

AAAAAAHHH I CAN'T ESCAPE IT! IT'S-IT'S MUNSTER! IT'S HERE AGAIN! IT'S FOLLOWING ME